Hello....

Here is a question to men.." Is it possible for a man to have a platonic relationship with his ex lover who he had been together with for over 5 years "" ??

Had an intense discussion.. but mainly with women who think that it is not possible.. would like to have it from the men's side..

Hello. I know its possible, but my partner thinks that it is not at all possible for a man. I am male, and am in touch with my Ex, as well as my schooltime girlfriend. I speak with them regulary, and we have communication via Email.
BUT. my partner thinks that this could develop into something else given time. So far, I dont see this happenning.
All the best .

It is possible, but it's painful as hell, and you have to be willing to put up with a lot of crap for it to work.

So possible, but certainly not recommended.

I'd say very slim chance of it working. From experience, it works out in the beginning but then something always happens. I can't say it has ever worked out for me, whether you end up resenting each other or slip up and have a "friend's w/ benefits" episode.

unfortunately this is a real case .. am trying hard to convince my sister that this is a dead end road..
moreover this ex lover who is married and has two young kids went on holiday with this man and he tells my sister it is just platonic!!!
I must say theoretically that this is possible.. but i don't believe it at all.. I just want to know what men think.. maybe be my female minds has its set way!!!

Yes. As long as :

a) you are over it and so is she
b) you have a new partner
c) she is not the jealous type


dave

Generally easier for the person who finished it then the person who was finished with imh(male)o.

I know I'm not a man, but I speak from personal experience in this matter. It is possible. It takes some time to get there again but it is possible. I dated a guy for 5 years, lived with him for 4. The break-up was relatively amicable, the relationship has run its course and I don't want to get married and he did at some point so we parted our separate ways, no fighting, no yelling, no hard feelings. We remained friends until I started dating somone else and then things got really weird for awhile, we didn't talk, he was angry, depressed etc. But once he worked through it (5-6 months) we were able go back to being platonic friends and we were just as good a friends as before we started dating. I still value his friendship and he mine. That all happened about 3-4 years ago. I should mention though that is current girlfriend is incredibly threatened by me.

I have, however, managed to stay friends with all of my exes, even from highschool and they remained purely platonic friendships.

I have had a number of friends who are good friends many years after their serious, long term relationship fell apart. I have seen these friendships successfully last through marriages, children, divorce, the works. But I think it depends a lot on the people involved and the circumstances of the breakup.

I certainly understand your concern where your sister is concerned. But in the end it is her life and she is allowed to make her own mistakes. Your job is to be honest with her about your feelings on the situation, gracefully allow her to ignore your advice and then be there to help pick up the pieces if you have the misfortune of being proven right.

Another response from a woman - I have remained very good friends with my ex - 5 yr relationship, broke up 9 years ago. He and his girlfriend were guests at my wedding, and even his mother came along to watch. My husband did find it all a bit weird, but he's used to it now, and no longer feels threatened.

Like chemgoddess though, it was an amicable breakup, and it also has a lot to do with the person he is (and his girlfriend, who is a total sweetheart).

Carol

No. No no no no no. No.

Then how do you explain those of us who have maintained platonic relationships?

Yes. I am very good (platonic) friends with Anna who I lived with for 5 years, we split up about 9 years ago.

No. I am going to a concert tonight with my ex, we split up 18 months ago and neither of us has yet got used to the idea. We split up for similar reasons to Chemgoddess - no yelling or fighting, just differences that we would not be able to resolve.

Mmmmmm, you present a very articulate and compelling argument here raising a number of issues that I had not previously considered. I will obviously have to give this matter further consideration in the light of this new perspective.

ok. here's what I think. I am a single male, so I'm sure my mentality is different from a married guy. But most of the time feelings arise from hanging out with a woman on a frequent basis. It also depends on what you do. I like to go to dinner, watch movies, go to bars, which kind of has a "date" quality to it if it is one on one hanging out. It is really dependant on the type of friendship you try to have. If it is just casual, hanging out in groups, going bowling or the like, then it should be safe. But once the invitations to the house, to dinner, movies, etc. (one on one type activities) start happening, you have to question the where it is going, because it is more likely than not that one of the people start to develop feeling, especially if they were there in the past.

I dunno, none of my experiences seem to echo the above - maybe I'm just staying friends with the wrong exes

Ah, but your forgetting that one of the greatest motivators in new relationships (particularly friendships that are sexually charged) is that inherent element of the unknown. Whereas, with an ex you know exactly how things are, the kinda been there done that. I'd be more worried about my significant other all of the sudden going on vacation with a "new" female friend than one he's known for a long time cause that's when things could happen. I mean you gotta think, if the two people still wanted to be together, wouldn't they be?

I suppose it depends on what you mean by staying friends are we talking continuing to see each other socially or just the odd email every now and then for a catch up? I think to some degree it depends on how serious the relationship was in the first place and if the breakup was mutual. If the breakup was one sided then I'd say its not likely to happen that you can stay friends as one person is always going to want more and possibly agree to remain friends in the hope of a reconciliation which will inevitably lead to them getting hurt eventually. .

There are a couple of ex boyfriends that I'm still on friendly terms with. But thats at a level where we exchange the odd email/SMS every once in a while to say hi hows it going, and if we happen to bump into each other in the pub etc will have a drink and a chat but I don't go out of my way to see them. There is only really one ex that I do purposefully meet up with poss around twice a year for dinner, drinks and a catch up not sure if he counts though as I've known him since we were 14 and we dated quite some time ago!!

However, the guys I mention above are people I dated, got on OK with but I never fell in love with them so thats probably why we can stay in touch every now and then. In comparison, the love of my life (and reason I ended up in Switz to some extent) who I broke up with last year, I don't speak to ever...... The breakup was painful and very emotional for us both and its just easier that we keep out of each others lives.

So, in answer to the question, I'd say yes it is possible to stay friends but its not usually all that straightforward and providing that both parties are completely honest with each other (and themselves) about their feelings then I don't see why it couldn't work however beware the new boyfriend/girlfriend who is jealous of your friendship as I 've had one quite good friendship with a guy ruined by the fact his girlfriend didn't like me and how close we were, due to the hassle she caused and the earache he got we ended up drifting apart!

It is of course. Ever experienced not being sexually attracted anymore by your girlfriend, or a girl that you used to date? If other than sex there was also friendship, this one will survive.

It is very easy when talking about these subjects that we end up in generalizations. Some people feel attracted sexually for all their lives because probably that was the strongest reason for having gotten together. Other people after a few years split because there's no more sexual desire, but they keep "loving" (not in the deep sense) each other like brother and sister.

It's always very personal, but if you ask if this is possible, yes of course it is. Only problem is that not always both ends are happy of this transformation (maybe one of the partners still has sexual desire on the other, and this might generate conflicts).


Fabio

As mentioned before this is a real scenario and here is the full whack and honestly I do need some inputs....

1) sister and partner want to move in together soon.

2) this partner says he is in a platonic relationship with his ex lover of 5 years.

3) this ex lover is married and has two kids.

4) this ex lover works for the partner in his company.

5) partner and ex lover went on holiday together but partner says it is purely platonic.

Now am i being thick here!!! this just doesn't go down.. I am at the end of my patience!!

HELPPPPPPPPPPP.