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Old 28.03.2012, 10:31
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Re: How SAFE are dating sites?

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When starting any relationship, there is always the danger of repeating past mistakes. The warning signs might be there, but the endangered person feels comfortable with this as they have the experience and it feels familiar, and believe they can manage their situations. Which is why victims of violence often go out with violent people, - ask any marriage guidance councellor.

Another point is that extremely beautiful people have problems meeting partners, and often join up with unsuitable partners out of desparation. If you see an attractive person, just behave sensibly and ask them out. Maybe your friend chooses ugly men because she has less confidence?
this all applies, I'm afraid. I notice that now that she's one step away from meeting somebody "normal" (and even good looking) for the first time in her life she's scared. I told her she should accept being "guided".
it's unnerving because before I thought that being a complicated person herself she needed a complicated relationship. with time, though, I think this has turned into feeling she does not deserve one because of how much in her life she has messed up.

also, I have realised that she has lost confidence although she has always been attractive in a very natural way. she feels old. I don't know how to change that, to me she looks beautiful and intelligent and any man would be lucky to be with her

for this reason I think it has already done her a lot of good just to see the positive reactions after sending her photo to a couple of them. I'm so happy for that, thank god there are still normal men around, not expecting women to look like models...
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Old 28.03.2012, 18:17
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Re: How SAFE are dating sites?

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O.K. Have a think about this. In order to make sure that all turns out well a dater, especially a female dater needs to establish incentives which keeps the other person in line. Russia and the USA had incentives during the cold war which kept each other in line. That being if one side attacked with neuclear weapons the other side had so many that the chances were that they would be able to retaliate. That was an incentive to both parties to behave. And a very strong one at that!
I rather like the unexpected military approach

THANK YOU ALL so much for taking the time to share your direct and indirect experiences and giving sound advice! I feel much more confident now that I can advise my friend to safe dating. I'll let you know if it works
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