Just how is "casual sex"?
What exactly does CHEATING mean?
To me, even i am not "officially" seeing this dude (let's call him X), due to some unforseen circumstances, we still hang out, we still do stuffs that we used to do when we were an item. We still sleep together! On a bed, we hug, we kiss (but not french kiss) BUT NO SEX.
X just refuses to have sex with me, refuses to kiss me (french kiss) because X thinks that it amounts to complicating things, his words were "putting oil into fire".
So...as a girl, i'm suppose to believe that u genuinely cares for me?
A couple of weeks ago, i was on holiday and we met up somewhere. He didn't even bother to tell me prior to his trip when exactly he's going to be there, he just texted me and our hotels happened to be 5 minutes walk away from each other's.
When i feel like there's an annoying "gap/distance" between us, i just feel like it's disturbing and i told him that my pea brain can't handle all this "friendship". Cause honestly, FRIENDS don't sleep on the same bed or whatever and are just FRIENDS! Right??? Am i right or am i right???
Or has the world become so open minded that i am now NARROW MINDED?
Oh well, i left the country before him and i returned to Suisse, during his stay there for a week, he had sex with a girl. He refused to disclose how many times when i asked him (must be countless)
The disturbing this is, when i told him that i know he's hiding something from me, but he denied, and finally he asked me what is it?
And i asked if he's seeing someone else (besides me), he gave me the whole "Am i seeing anyone else here in Suisse?"
Now, the fact that he stated "SUISSE" gave him away. So...my intuition told me he's sleeping with someone else. Like have sex and the whole shebang.
He admitted to it. I asked him, why didn't he tell me about it, he replied:
Because it's not important.
NOT IMPORTANT?! REALLY? How about i sleep with another dude and i tell him the same thing?? Doesn't feel that good yeAh?
I found out about it when he got back here, when i saw he changed his FB status to "in a relationship" (not with me), when he used to tell me FB don't mean anything. Yeah right.
I saw pictures of a woman in bikini in his phone, same person, different poses, 5 of them to be exact. And until today, he's still denying them. I'm sorry, i saw what i saw. He can delete them, but i saw what i saw.
Can i believe X when he tells me that he had sex with a woman and it doesn't mean anything to him. That i have mixed LOVE + SEX wrongly together.
His "philosophy" on CHEATING is: It is not cheating when he is not me.
Holly molly.
It's sure as hell is cheating to me. He knew damn well how i felt towards him and he knew damn well that i won't accept that load of bollocks.
And so i made the painful decision to not see him anymore, and his arrogance disgusts me, he thinks that it's just one of my "tantrum throwing" drama ****, that i will say "i'm sorry" the next day and everything will be fine. He thinks that i do this to get his attention.
It is disturbing isn't it that he doesn't see this as cheating per se, that he don't see a need to tell me because it's not important? The fact that he tried to hide it from me in the first place is wrong. OUTRIGHTLY WRONG.
We didn't talk for 6 days, until yesterday, he texted me with a "ok i ****ing miss you" which i don't see a need to reply. And he kept calling and calling and calling.
He kept insisting that i "pretend" to not care and i "pretend" to not have feelings for him anymore. The thing is, i am trying to move on with my life.
So by moving on, i need him to stop contacting me and stop disturbing with me all this ****. Do i REALLY have to change my number?? And move to another canton??
He's in denial. He was wrong, that this is not just one my attention-seeking ****, that my heart really was broken when i got to know what happened. That i was really hurt....i can't bring myself to accept what happened.
In an attempt to to push him to the brink, i told him:
"Fine if you want me to be in my life, marry me. Can you do that? No. So. You will never have me anymore. And it is all because you had sex with another girl."
I switched off my phone, i couldn't take it anymore. But my curiousity made me turn it back on later
He replied:
"Ok when"
"I said ok when"
"Mmm chicken??"
.
STOP RIGHT THERE. i Was shocked by his reply. Because i didn't expect him to yes me to that. Jeez, people really take marriage so lightly nowadays??
No wonder divorce rate is on the rise.
I'm sorry, marriage meant more to me than just this. Money wil be an issue and nitty bitty problems will arise, and i don't want to contribute to the rising divorce rate.
He says he cares for me like hell. Like HELL? How much exactly is it when you care for someone like HELL? How could he have had sex with another woman when he "cares for me like hell"?
Can i trust him when he says that?
Or most importantly, how can i trust him when he says that?
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