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  #41  
Old 23.09.2015, 20:39
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Re: Would like to talk to others who don't drink anymore

"Half talking shit some of the time."

This makes it really hard to work out the percentage of shit.
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  #42  
Old 23.09.2015, 20:53
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Re: Would like to talk to others who don't drink anymore

My 5 rappen: Anybody who asks their partner to "choose between me and ___" is on a power trip and best avoided. It doesn't matter what's in the blank, good bad or indifferent. That particular ultimatum is the sign of somebody who needs to exert control.

If something (drinking or smoking or whatever else) is really that much of a deal-breaker for you, the decent thing to do is cut the person loose and go find someone else whose ideas are more closely aligned with yours. You do not get to run another adult's life that way, and no secure, confident adult will let you. Manliness vs womanliness doesn't come into it.
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  #43  
Old 23.09.2015, 20:55
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Re: Would like to talk to others who don't drink anymore

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I had to look up Lagavulin to find out what it is. I guess if you could stop after one or two shots, you did not have the same problem that the OP is alluding to. If you stopped only when the bottle was empty, that is another matter.
Lagavulin doesn't come in shots. It comes in drams.

And you don't add coke or ice.

Slainte.

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I stopped having my glass of wine every day and I eel good about it.
There's something very fishy about that.

I had to come down from my perch to say this, but there is a plaice for everything.
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  #44  
Old 23.09.2015, 21:01
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Re: Would like to talk to others who don't drink anymore

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So I'll try again I decided to stop drinking about 4 months ago and would like to know if I'm not alone? Anybody know of any kind of groups other than AA? Tried it,don't like it!
Unfortunately I do not know of any other groups.

I would say though in Switzerland I have often been to bars, where people drink only a soft drink in some occasions bottled water. Not just in bars, but on those open tables where singles (varying age to elderly) sit together & maybe the odd couple or small groups of friends - if more people they bring more tables together - I am sure there is a name for it, but I do not know it.

I do not mean in any way to bring you back to drinking again, but to say, i can understand the loneliness after one is used to drinking in public areas with people, then not anymore. If you try those open table things afternoon and early evening - you can drink soft drinks or water and still mix in company. You might discover from those who are not drinking alcohol, they also gave it up sometime in the past. Try various spots and leave after 1 to 3 soft drinks.
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  #45  
Old 23.09.2015, 21:06
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Re: Would like to talk to others who don't drink anymore

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Lagavulin doesn't come in shots. It comes in drams.

And you don't add coke or ice.

Slainte.
I've told this story before, but it's relevant here, so...

When I gave up drinking, I had several unfinished bottles of whisky which needed to be dispersed (I wasn't tempted when I saw them, just depressed).

I gave the odd bottle or two away to people I knew preferred particular whiskies, and was saving the last three or four of the peatiest, smokiest whiskies for a particular friend. Then there were the obligatory mixers: Chivas Regal, Johnny Walker and so on.

My parents were visiting at the time, and I was out overnight several evenings a week, so I invited them to enjoy the whiskies in the cupboard while I was away. No problem, they said, but you know we mix them with coke - are you sure you want us to do that? I reassured them that I didn't care what they did, safe in the knowledge that they wouldn't touch the aforementioned peaty, smoky whiskies.

A few days later, I noticed that the cupboard was bare.

Oh cool, so you drank the whisky?

We did - you asked us to!

All of it, even the strong flavoured ones?

Oh, we got them down with a healthy dose of Coke.

But.... what about the one with the plain label and the three digit number at the top?

Oh, that one? That was a really strong one - we had to dilute it almost completely with Coke, but we got it down in the end!

I wept.

Selber Schuld, as the locals say.
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  #46  
Old 23.09.2015, 21:08
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Re: Would like to talk to others who don't drink anymore

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TBH I'm not sure which is worse - the Feldslosshen or the alkoholfrei part.
More like IsabelainZug, forcing the poor guy to drink alcoholfrei !

Last edited by Today only; 23.09.2015 at 21:57.
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  #47  
Old 23.09.2015, 21:20
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Re: Would like to talk to others who don't drink anymore

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What has it got to do with being "manly"?

It's about having respect for one's partner as an adult, a human being, an actual person.

You don't half talk some shite sometimes.
Bullshit bullshit bullshit. Respect for what? We are talking about drinking here. I really should have more respect for that? Nonsense.
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  #48  
Old 23.09.2015, 21:22
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Re: Would like to talk to others who don't drink anymore

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More like IsabelainZug, forcing the poor guy to drink alcholfrei !
After 4 years you could at least try to spell my name correctly.
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  #49  
Old 23.09.2015, 21:23
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Re: Would like to talk to others who don't drink anymore

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Bullshit bullshit bullshit. Respect for what? We are talking about drinking here. I really should have more respect for that? Nonsense.
No, we talking about you making absolute ultimata to somebody who is, ostensibly, your equal: a sentient, independent human being who is perfectly capable of making his own decisions.

You said yourself you like to "keep him on a short leash".

Sounds like you're just interest in controlling him. The beer is just a vehicle for your power trip.
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  #50  
Old 23.09.2015, 21:25
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Re: Would like to talk to others who don't drink anymore

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More like IsabelainZug, forcing the poor guy to drink alcholfrei !
I don't force anyone to do anything anything. Alcohol free beer wasn't my idea. I guess some people just like the taste of beer.
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  #51  
Old 23.09.2015, 21:27
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Re: Would like to talk to others who don't drink anymore

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No, we talking about you making absolute ultimata to somebody who is, ostensibly, your equal: a sentient, independent human being who is perfectly capable of making his own decisions.

You said yourself you like to "keep him on a short leash".

Sounds like you're just interest in controlling him. The beer is just a vehicle for your power trip.
Yes that's what I said I am terrible you see...
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  #52  
Old 23.09.2015, 21:28
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Re: Would like to talk to others who don't drink anymore

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a vehicle for your power trip.
Beautifully said.
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  #53  
Old 23.09.2015, 21:32
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Re: Would like to talk to others who don't drink anymore

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I wept.

Selber Schuld, as the locals say.
That alone would have driven me to the drink.
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  #54  
Old 23.09.2015, 21:33
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Re: Would like to talk to others who don't drink anymore

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My 5 rappen: Anybody who asks their partner to "choose between me and ___" is on a power trip and best avoided. It doesn't matter what's in the blank, good bad or indifferent. That particular ultimatum is the sign of somebody who needs to exert control.

If something (drinking or smoking or whatever else) is really that much of a deal-breaker for you, the decent thing to do is cut the person loose and go find someone else whose ideas are more closely aligned with yours. You do not get to run another adult's life that way, and no secure, confident adult will let you. Manliness vs womanliness doesn't come into it.
That's not exactly what I did but whatever. Yes, if I found myself in a relationship with someone who abuses alcohol I would probably leave.

Anyway, have a good one boys. Rugby is on so another good reason to have a drink.
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  #55  
Old 23.09.2015, 21:35
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Re: Would like to talk to others who don't drink anymore

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My 5 rappen: Anybody who asks their partner to "choose between me and ___" is on a power trip and best avoided. It doesn't matter what's in the blank, good bad or indifferent. That particular ultimatum is the sign of somebody who needs to exert control.

If something (drinking or smoking or whatever else) is really that much of a deal-breaker for you, the decent thing to do is cut the person loose.
No. It depends how much drinking is involved and how serious do you think it is.
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  #56  
Old 23.09.2015, 21:55
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Re: Would like to talk to others who don't drink anymore

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No. It depends how much drinking is involved and how serious do you think it is.
I think that is exactly MathNut's Point: it depends on how serious YOU think it is. And then, it is up to you to decide what your options are and what you will or won't do.


I agree with you completely that I wouldn't want to live with someone who drank a great deal. But whether I stayed or left would be my decision, and not a result of what he/she did. No-one can actually make someone else stop drinking, nor do anything else, for that matter.


It seems to me that a person setting an ultimatum about what the OTHER person should or shouldn't do, seldom actually gains anything in the situation. If the other person, the ultimatee, does change his/her behaviour (e.g. drink less, or drink only when the ultimator isn't watching), then this, to me, would feel like a plaster-patch, and I think if I were the ultimator, I'd have a hard time believing in the genuineness and likely duration of the change. Put another way: the problem is not solved, it is just lurking in the shadows until it causes pain again... at least, that's my experience.


Having been in the postion of the ultimatee (not about drinking, but other topics), I can say that the changes I made then were not lasting, and mostly made merely in an attempt to keep the peace, a hope that the ultimator would stop demanding things of me that I was unlikely to be able to fulfil. It would have been better if I had decided, for myself, what I could and could not deliver, what I wanted to do and didn't, and then acted fairly and honestly towards the ultimator.... and left.
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Old 23.09.2015, 22:02
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Re: Would like to talk to others who don't drink anymore

I've also been in the position of a kind of inverse ultimatum, where I was told: "You've just got to help me stop drinking! Or else everything is going to crash!" Implication: "... and then it'll be your fault!" No, it won't.

Yes, I'm all for providing support, and I admire Dog, and anyone else, who decides to drink less (or no longer). Yet the stopping, itself, cannot be done by an ultimatee who is supposed to save the situation. The person wanting to stop has to do it him/herself, by first acknowleding that tripod:
a) alcohol has become a problem,
b) tried (and failed) to drink less or stop altogether, and
c) professional help is needed.
And perhaps the help found with peers, successful further along the road... and that's what Dog's thread started out being about.
So, well done, Dog, and I hope that some folk who no longer drink will contact you, if perhaps by PM, rather than risk being shot down here in your thread.
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Old 23.09.2015, 22:09
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Re: Would like to talk to others who don't drink anymore

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I've told this story before, but it's relevant here, so...

When I gave up drinking, I had several unfinished bottles of whisky which needed to be dispersed (I wasn't tempted when I saw them, just depressed).

I gave the odd bottle or two away to people I knew preferred particular whiskies, and was saving the last three or four of the peatiest, smokiest whiskies for a particular friend. Then there were the obligatory mixers: Chivas Regal, Johnny Walker and so on.

My parents were visiting at the time, and I was out overnight several evenings a week, so I invited them to enjoy the whiskies in the cupboard while I was away. No problem, they said, but you know we mix them with coke - are you sure you want us to do that? I reassured them that I didn't care what they did, safe in the knowledge that they wouldn't touch the aforementioned peaty, smoky whiskies.

A few days later, I noticed that the cupboard was bare.

Oh cool, so you drank the whisky?

We did - you asked us to!

All of it, even the strong flavoured ones?

Oh, we got them down with a healthy dose of Coke.

But.... what about the one with the plain label and the three digit number at the top?

Oh, that one? That was a really strong one - we had to dilute it almost completely with Coke, but we got it down in the end!

I wept.

Selber Schuld, as the locals say.
A lovely tale. And you can also be happy that your fine whiskies went to some real connoisseurs, who could appreciate the quality spirits.
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  #59  
Old 23.09.2015, 22:31
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Re: Would like to talk to others who don't drink anymore

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If any woman had tried a stunt like that with me she'd have been right out of the door.
...leaving you single and alone, yet again. But hey, at least you have those sweet, sweet comforting beers in the fridge right?
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Old 23.09.2015, 22:33
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Re: Would like to talk to others who don't drink anymore

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...leaving you single and alone, yet again. But hey, at least you have those sweet, sweet comforting beers in the fridge right?
Couldn't be more wrong.
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