The link to an alternative migrant test was be a fellow EF member. It had me cracking up at work, which was a bit hard to explain to my swiss colleagues working around me.

Here's another one for the Aussie Mates...


Dear Mum & Dad,

I am well. Hope youse are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin' on the farm - tell them to get in bloody quick smart before the jobs are all gone!
I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don't hafta get outta bed until 6am. But I like sleeping in now, cuz all yagotta do before brekky is make ya bed and shine ya boots and clean ya uniform. No bloody cows to milk, no calves to feed, no feed to stack - nothin'!! Ya haz gotta shower though, but its not so bad, coz there's lotsa hot water and even a light to see what ya doing!

At brekky ya get cereal, fruit and eggs but there's no kangaroo steaks or possum stew like wot Mum makes. You don't get fed again until noon and by
that time all the city boys are buggered because we've been on a 'route march' - geez its only just like walking to the windmill in the back paddock!!

This one will kill me brothers Doug and Phil with laughter. I keep getting medals for shootin' - dunno why. The bullseye is as big as a bloody possum's bum and it don't move and it's not firing back at ya like the Johnsons did when our big scrubber bull got into their prize cows before the Ekka last year! All ya gotta do is make yourself comfortable and hit the target - it's a piece of piss!! You don't even load your own cartridges they comes in little boxes and ya don't have to steady yourself against the rollbar of the roo shooting truck when you reload!

Sometimes ya gotta wrestle with the city boys and I gotta be real careful coz they break easy - it's not like fighting with Doug and Phil and Jack and Boori and Steve and Muzza all at once like we do at home after the muster.
Turns out I'm not a bad boxer either and it looks like I'm the best the platoon's got, and I've only been beaten by this one bloke from the Engineers - he's 6 foot 5 and 15 stone and three pick handles across the shoulders and as ya know I'm only 5 foot 7 and eight stone wringin' wet,but I fought him till the other blokes carried me off to the boozer.

I can't complain about the Army - tell the boys to get in quick before word gets around how bloody good it is.

Your loving daughter,

Sheila

Just to continue on the Aussie theme

Ros

The Rural Australian Thesaurus Of Computer terms





Log On Make the barbie hotter
Monitor Keeping an eye on the barbie
Download Get the firewood off the ute
Hard drive Trip back home without any cold tinnies
Floppy Disc What you get lifting too much firewood at once
Keyboard Where you hang the ute and bike keys
Window What you shut when it's cold
Screen What you shut in the mozzie season
Byte What mozzies do
Bit What mozzies did
Mega Byte What Townsville mozzies do
Chip A bar snack
Micro Chip What's left in the bag after you have eaten the chips
Modem What you did to the lawns
Dot Matrix Old Dan Matrix's wife
Laptop Where the cat sleeps
Software Plastic knives and forks you get at Big Rooster
Hardware Real stainless steel knives and forks from K Mart
Mouse What eats the grain in the shed
Mainframe What holds the shed up
Web What spiders make
Web Site The shed or under the veranda
Cursor The old bloke down the pub who swears a lot
Search Engine What you do when the ute won't go
Yahoo What you say when the ute does go
Upgrade A steep hill
Server The person at the pub that brings out the counter lunch
Mail Server The bloke at the pub that brings out the counter lunch
Internet Complicated fish net repair method
Netscape When fish manoeuvres out of reach of net
Online When you get the laundry hung out
Off Line When the pegs don't hold the washing up


Doesn't matter what I do, I can't seem to make it have spacing!! sorry.

Let's test your aussie/kiwi knowledge...

1. What do you do with a Morton Bay bug?
2. What's bigger: a pot, a middie, a schooner, a nine, or a half?
3. Falcon or Commodore?
4. What's the difference between a doona and a quilt and an eiderdown?
5. How about between a jersey and a sweater and a pullover?
6. Ever tossed for something? Did they invite you back?
7. What's hokey pokey?
8. What's a sunny boy?
9. What's a 4 and 20?
10. What's a skimpie?
11. What's hard yakka? What else is it?
12. What is Cascade, and where is it made?
13. Who is not in Guatemala now?
14. What's the difference between a stubbie and stubbies?
15. Where can you find a map of tassie?
16. What's electric puha?
17. How many goal posts are there on an aussie rules field?
18. Name a grander spanner.
19. What's pride of the south?
20. What's a hangi?
21. What or where is the wall?
22. Is it good if you've got buckleys?
23. What's a ute?
24. What's better: sweet or grouse? How about in Melbourne?
25. What's world famous in New Zealand?
26. Where's the Swan?
27. What's a swannie?
28. How many o's in 'mooloo?
29. What's a bondi cigar?
30. What's the red shed?
31. What's the gabba? What's it short for?
32. Who's worse: ritchie or blowers?
33. Who or what is Plunket?
34. Is footie league or union or rules or soccer?
35. What's a banana bender?
36. What is schoolies?
37. What's a Patea Milkshake?
38. What's a piecart?
39. What's a piker?
40. Where is Tutaenui and what is it named after?
41. What's sledging?
42. What's a redback? What else is it?
43. What's at Luna Park?
44. What's at Eden Park?
45. What's between Ceduna and Norseman, and how long does it take to drive between the two?
46. Which is further north - the Sydney harbour bridge or the Auckland harbour bridge?
47. Which covers a larger area, Melbourne or London (within the m25)?
48. What's a saveloy?
49. What's the Raurimu spiral?
50. What's the difference between a helicopter and a pelican?
51. Where is the dingo fence?
52. If you give someone a rark up what do you do?
53. Is it better to crack a tinnie or to crack a fat?
54. What is a tinny house?
55. What does it mean to be dinkie di?
56. Where were lizzie and the freak?
57. What's the K in K Road short for?
58. Where are the 12 Apostles?
59. What are the Poor Knights?
60. If your diffie has packed a sad, what has happened?
61. Which is further to drive: Sydney - Melbourne, or Sydney - Brisbane, or Auckland - Wellington, or London - Edinburgh?
62. What's the Great Western? What else is it?
63. Where would someone tell you to wrap your laughing gear around that?
64. Was Skippie a boy or a girl?
65. What's the Barossa Valley famous for?
66. How about Mooney Valley?
67. How about the Hutt Valley?
68. What is the nearest ski field to Sydney?
69. ... to Christchurch?
70. Name a brand of aussie beer not made by CUB.
71. Name a brand of kiwi beer not made by Dominion Breweries.
72. What's the coathanger?
73. What's the cake tin?
74. Which has a larger population, Australia or New York?
75. Which has a faster open road speed limit - Adelaide or Auckland?

Scoring:
Give yourself a point for anything you can answer. Now b*gger off.

Got some points- yaay me!!- I'd say I knew maybe 1/4 of of them, think I know some more of them,,,, the rest,,, well, I shall have to ask them back home, For shame!!!

After that,,, well, best I bugger off now...




P.S,, would like to give Litespeed and Grippo a thumbs up as well, too late unfortunately,,, very much enjoyed the both of them,

Ros

btw - it seems that the answer is Melbourne, by a long way...

Wiki has Melbourne's urban area as 8831 square kilometres, whereas the Greater London Urban Area is 1623 square kilometres...

Ohh, but that was one of the ones I knew for sure!!!