Just had this site pointed out to me so i thought i would share

http://www.engrish.com

This is one of my all time fav. sites

That's excellent! Here's something that made me laugh, I'm sorry if it's already been posted.

Best,

Reb

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be ekspekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"s in the language is disgraseful, and they should go away.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru! And zen world!

No probs!

And the UK has it's own problems with bad English

"The Carrier shall not be liable for injury or damage to or destruction or loss of the Goods or any other property arising out of or incidental to or in connection with or occurring during the provision of the Services or for the mis-delivery or non-delivery of the Goods and whether or not caused or contributed to by the default (including negligence) of the Carrier or any agent, servant or officer of the Carrier or any other person entitled to the benefit of these conditions."

Plain English Campaign translation: If anything happens, it's not our fault.

Did you ever read "Pseuds Corner" in Private Eye ? Very funny...


"“In the end the iPhone is like some glorious early-60s sports car. Not as practical, reliable, economical, sensible or roomy as a family saloon but, oh, the joy. The jouissance as Roland Barthes liked to say. What it does, it does so supremely well, that what it does not do seems laughably irrelevant.”
STEPHEN FRY



dave

No I didn’t actually, I’m looking forward to perusing it, thank for the tip.

Wow! The word gobbledygook and a quote from Steven Fry, all in the one read, what a treat!

Christmas to a child is the first terrible proof that to travel hopefully is better than to arrive. – Stephen Fry

Best,

Reb

Oh yeah!

In a sense carpets can wake us up. If you think of the carpets themselves and perhaps what they have witnessed, the acts of love, of passion, of despair, depression, of hatred, of conflict, of strife, of success, of wealth, of joy, the carpets have seen all of these and over a period of time I think they become imbued or they can contain those qualities, those human qualities, and they bring us closer to some of the basic fundamentals of the human condition.

Oriental carpet Collector Ed Kraher

and more here

I just have to add this one

"A friend told me about this vibrator in the shape of a tree with a snake wrapped round it that made you burst into tears when you had an orgasm. I did not believe it but I bought one and it worked."

Sam Roddick, The Guardian

My, I am guessing that Sam is a man in that case.

Sounds painful!!

Whats all the ribbing of the poor old chinese?.. they used to advertise an anti indigestion tablet here called "deflatine'" here! D

I was googling around for some more funny English mistakes when I came across these gems. I haven’t laughed this hard in a long time

-My father met us at the airport and gave me a big hog. Then he hogged my wife.”

-How many people live in your apartment building?
I don't know for sure, but I have wild gas

-He lifted the veal off her face and gave her a big kiss.

-Did I tell you I climbed half way up one of the tallest pigs in the world?

-A Recipe:

-First, heat up your pants really hot, then add oil.
-Put the cabbages in salt water. Then sit in the sink
until the morning.
-Next, chop all the vegetarians into little pieces.
-Next, add a little Buddha and mix it all up.
-When you are finished cooking, find a suitable bowel
and eat it with chopsticks.

More here

Best,

Reb

Some rather strange ones from the Land of Smiles.

http://www.bangkokbob.net/strange.htm

(warning, not all safe for work)

Let's not forget "Chinglish"


... more to come.

... part two

The last picture in the row is one I would give an ovary to see here in Switzerland

I could link to the page, but for the sake of EF's laziest I'll pretty much copy paste the best I found at http://pure-essence.net/2007/11/10/chinglish/:


For each plastic bag wasted, please pay two dollars.


To keep the restroom clean, please put trash in the trash can.


Temporary parking for unloading.


No cycling or skating. No soccer.


Self serving terminal.


(Really “Thunder” will be a good enough translation for this firework.)


Warm milk. (In Chinese the word for “Milk” and “Breast” is the same.)


(No idea about this one.)


Do not feed the fish with your own food.


(I guess at least it’s short and to the point.)


Automatic flush.

Excellent Engrish theory here.