| Getting older
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I
got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and
start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for
seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down,
and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my
leotards on, the class was over.
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And
what do you think is the best thing about being 104?"
the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer
pressure."
The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your
own Easter eggs.
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came
up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was
your husband?" "98," she replied. "Two years older than
me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She
responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?
I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a
hip replacement, new knees. Fought prostate cancer and
diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter
than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that
make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have
bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel
my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85
or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still
have my driver's license.
A 97-year-old man goes into his doctor's office and
says, "Doc, I want my sex drive lowered." "Sir," replied
the doctor, "you're 97 Don't you think your sex drive is
all in your head?" "You're damned right it is!" replied
the old man. "That's why I want it lowered!"
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my
memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
It's scary when you start making the same noises as
your coffeemaker.
The good news is that even as we get older, guys
still look at our boobs. The bad news is they have to
squat down first.
These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart
says, "For fast relief."
Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it
as your inner child playing with matches.
Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get
back up.!
THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to
forget the people I never liked anyway, the good
fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight
to tell the difference.
Now, I think you're supposed to send this to 5 or 6,
maybe 10. Oh heck, send it to a bunch of your
friends if you can remember who they are.
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