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  #2101  
Old 12.12.2016, 20:42
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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  #2102  
Old 14.12.2016, 13:15
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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  #2103  
Old 14.12.2016, 14:29
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

How a lawyer says Merry Christmas

From us ("the wishor") to you ("hereinafter called the wishee") Please accept without obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, politically correct, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all... and a financially successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2017, but with due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures or sects, and having regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform or dietary preference of the wishee.

By accepting this greeting you are bound by these terms that:

This greeting is subject to further clarification or withdrawal.

This greeting is freely transferable provided that no alteration shall be made to the original greeting and that the proprietary rights of the wishor are acknowledged.

This greeting implies no promise by the wishor to actually implement any of the wishes.

This greeting may not be enforceable in certain jurisdictions and/or the restrictions herein may not be binding upon certain wishees in certain jurisdictions and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wishor.

This greeting is warranted to perform as reasonably may be expected within the usual application of good tidings, for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first.

The wishor warrants this greeting only for the limited replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wishor .

Any references in this greeting to "the Lord", "Father Christmas", "Our Saviour", or any other festive figures, whether actual or fictitious, dead, alive or risen, shall not imply any endorsement by or from them in respect of this greeting, and all proprietary rights in any referenced third party names and images are hereby acknowledged.
__________________
"Don't believe everything you read on the internet" Abraham Lincoln
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  #2104  
Old 14.12.2016, 16:20
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

I got a new dog from the local blacksmith

Soon as I got him home, he made a bolt for the door.
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  #2105  
Old 14.12.2016, 16:59
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

The very first ever Blond Guy joke..... And well worth the wait!!!!

An Irishman , a Mexican and a Blond Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.

They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, 'Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building.'

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, 'Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too.'

The blond opened his lunch and said, ' Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too.'

The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.

The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.

The blond guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.

At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, 'If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!'

The Mexican's wife also wept and said, 'I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much.'


Everyone turned and stared at the blond's wife. The blond's wife said,

'Don't look at me. He made his own lunch ..'
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  #2106  
Old 14.12.2016, 18:33
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.

One day he came to, looked around, saw his wife and motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he took her hand and whispered, eyes full of tears, 'You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what Martha?'

'What dear?' she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

'I'm beginning to think you're bad luck' ....
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  #2107  
Old 14.12.2016, 18:39
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

There's a thin line between a numerator and a denominator.

Only a fraction of people will get this joke.
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  #2108  
Old 14.12.2016, 18:51
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

A female dwarf goes to a doctor complaining of an embarrassing itch in the
groin area.


The doctor looks her up and down, picks her up and stands her on his desk.
He lifts up her skirt and puts his head under.


A little perplexed, she hears snip, snip, snip, snip.
The doctor emerges from under her skirt.
'How's that?’


'Well, it's a lot better actually, but... it's still there.’


Undaunted, he dives back under her skirt.


Snip, snip, snip, snip. Out he comes.


'How's that?' he asks again more confident.


'That's wonderful! What did you do?’


'I trimmed the top of your Ugg boots.'
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  #2109  
Old 15.12.2016, 08:00
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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  #2110  
Old 15.12.2016, 16:10
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Overheard a couple arguing in a restaurant last night. I don't usually take sides.. but they were distracted and their garlic bread looked delicious.
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  #2111  
Old 15.12.2016, 17:45
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Quote:
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So good to have you back
S/he's gonna be busy for at least another ten days.
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  #2112  
Old 15.12.2016, 21:32
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Quote:
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S/he's gonna be busy for at least another ten days.
She

Unbelievably busy ..just got me tree up and made this festive wreath for ZuriRollt..

repertoire-terrible-jokes-i-challenge-you-7846_7b52.jpg



repertoire-terrible-jokes-i-challenge-you-359766.jpg
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  #2113  
Old 15.12.2016, 22:08
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Quote:
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She

Unbelievably busy ..just got me tree up and made this festive wreath for ZuriRollt..

Attachment 120927

Attachment 120928
Thank you

That will be going-up on the coffee-room notice board before I leave for a 3 weeks break tomorrow

PS. the IT support has long-since been off-shored to cheaper locations mostly, but that would belong on a different thread ;-)
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  #2114  
Old 17.12.2016, 12:14
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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  #2115  
Old 18.12.2016, 14:03
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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  #2116  
Old 19.12.2016, 21:33
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

true terrible whatever

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  #2117  
Old 20.12.2016, 13:39
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

An Englishman, Frenchman, Italian and German (or an expat and three Swiss, if you like) are all standing watching a street performer do some juggling. The juggler notices that the men have a rather poor view, so he stands up on a large wooden box and calls out, "Can you all see me now?"

"Yes."
"Oui."
"Si."
"Ja."
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  #2118  
Old 20.12.2016, 14:29
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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  #2119  
Old 20.12.2016, 20:40
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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  #2120  
Old 20.12.2016, 21:17
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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