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  #261  
Old 17.07.2008, 12:57
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Re: A Joke A Day!

Actually, I think your jokes are so bad that if anywhere, they belong in the repertoire of bad jokes.

I am therefore moving it.
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  #262  
Old 17.07.2008, 12:57
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Finally Together

As a devout Catholic, Maria doesn’t use condoms with her husband. So over the years, they have had 17 children. After the husband died, Maria remarried and had another 22 kids with her second husband before he too dies. Eventually, Maria’s time also came.

At her wake, the priest looked tenderly at Maria lying in her coffin. Then, he looked up into the heavens and said, "At last... they are finally together."

A man standing next to the priest looked confused and asked, "Father, what do you mean? Do you mean Maria and her first husband? Or her second husband?" Says the priest: "I mean her legs!"
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  #263  
Old 17.07.2008, 13:01
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

xfreakx, can't you be a little more discerning? Why don't you just give us the link to your site of crap jokes instead of copy-pasting the content here (faster than I can hit the refresh button).
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  #264  
Old 17.07.2008, 13:05
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Re: A Joke A Day!

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that's right. i have seen those threads, and especially like yours "Repertoire of terrible jokes..". the reason i made my own thread is that now if I "ruin" the thread it would be only my own ...

Don't worry, I don't think you'll ruin the thread at all. Looking forward to your contributions.
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  #265  
Old 17.07.2008, 13:16
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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xfreakx, can't you be a little more discerning? Why don't you just give us the link to your site of crap jokes instead of copy-pasting the content here (faster than I can hit the refresh button).
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Actually, I think your jokes are so bad that if anywhere, they belong in the repertoire of bad jokes.

I am therefore moving it.
whatever, dude. just enjoy.

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  #266  
Old 17.07.2008, 13:17
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Ad that makes fun of German accents and encourages you to learn a foreign language. Hilarious!

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  #267  
Old 17.07.2008, 13:26
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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It is 'a joke a day' but i am posting more than one for today, just to kick off the thread well! sooo, here we go!!!

I know you said you were going to post more than one for today but......... bloomin nora, maybe sticking to a (1) joke a day is sufficient
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  #268  
Old 17.07.2008, 15:02
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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.................
I felt chilling cold, every time when I am looking at your avatar
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  #269  
Old 17.07.2008, 15:10
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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A not so bright guy, wanting to earn some money, decided to try to find some handyman-type work and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. He went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for him to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The guy said "How about 50 dollars?"

The homeowner agreed and told him that the paint and ladders that he might need were in the garage. The homeowner's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does he realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The homeowner replied, "He should. He was standing on it."

A short time later, the guy came to the door to collect his money. "You're finished already?" the homeowner asked. "Yes," the guy answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the homeowner reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the guy added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
Why? because he painted as a Ferrari?
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  #270  
Old 17.07.2008, 15:17
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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Why? because he painted as a Ferrari?
It is a play on pronunciation of English words. He was supposed to paint the porch, another word for balcony. But instead he thought he was supposed to paint the Porsche, which the English pronounce similar to porch. But all he could find to paint was a Ferrari, so he painted that with house paint and a paint brush.
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  #271  
Old 17.07.2008, 15:21
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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It is a play on pronunciation of English words. He was supposed to paint the porch, another word for balcony. But instead he thought he was supposed to paint the Porsche, which the English pronounce similar to porch. But all he could find to paint was a Ferrari, so he painted that with house paint and a paint brush.
Now, I got it, damn, it is funny, I was thinking how come people could be so stupid.

Now he got his ferrari ****ed!!!
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  #272  
Old 17.07.2008, 15:33
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

The English, as a nation, are known for really enjoying a good joke. So much so that they will laugh at any joke three times.

The first time when the joke is told.

The second time when the joke is explained to them.

Then the third time, sometime later, when they finally understand the joke.

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  #273  
Old 17.07.2008, 15:37
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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The English, as a nation, are known for really enjoying a good joke. So much so that they will laugh at any joke three times.

The first time when the joke is told.

The second time when the joke is explained to them.

Then the third time, sometime later, when they finally understand the joke.

Yes, first time when you laugh, you think you should laugh when somebody telling a joke, very polite.

Second time, you laugh just because everybody else is laughing.

Third time, you laugh because you got the joke.

Just like me, thinking for quite long time, should I ask or not?
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  #274  
Old 17.07.2008, 17:03
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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I felt chilling cold, every time when I am looking at your avatar

aaahh he's just a cute liddle puddy cat really.


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Just like me, thinking for quite long time, should I ask or not?
Don't worry about asking me if you don't get it at first, I'll be happy to explain. Good job Woodsie was on hand to help you out before......I was at the flicks watching Kung Fu Panda !!
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  #275  
Old 17.07.2008, 18:27
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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aaahh he's just a cute liddle puddy cat really.




Don't worry about asking me if you don't get it at first, I'll be happy to explain. Good job Woodsie was on hand to help you out before......I was at the flicks watching Kung Fu Panda !!

Just in a short day, I thanked you three times, you are adorable!!! Please thank me also
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  #276  
Old 17.07.2008, 19:04
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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MY FAMILY TREE


Hi there...this is me. Mom said I got all the good looks and no brains. I love being a babe hound. Girls make spit roll down my chin. I have a stomach problem and fart a lot.


This is my mom. She has lots of boyfriends. One of them has a job. She says with a little luck I could be a garbage man one day.

This is my brother Hank. He is in jail right now. When he gets out he is not allowed to be around animals.



My grandmom lives with us in our trailer. She smells real bad. She likes to hang out in bars and drink beer. Grandma has sores all over and they leak yellow stuff on the furniture. The flies are terrible.


My mom says she is almost positive this is my dad. He lives in a Federal Penitentiary in Montana. When he gets out in 55 years we are going fishing.

This is my dad's truck. The bloodstains inside are almost all gone.



My younger sister Jill lost all her teeth. She was licking an eggbeater after mom made a cake and my cousin Jimmy turned it on by accident.


We are proud of my older brother Barney. He is only 27 and already in the 4th grade. He wants to be a Doctor and can write his own name.


My half brother JimBob and his wife. She is a hottie. They raise Possum in their back yard. They are not allowed to have children.


This is my older sister Sue Ellen. She has 15 kids and they all look different. We depend on her welfare check to get by. She has a disease that makes her itch.


Jethro is my 1st cousin. He runs a tomato stand down by the highway. He once went 53 days without taking a bath.


This is Buck. He is my second cousin. He is pretty smart. Buck is going to be a dentist some day. He does all the work on our teeth.


This is my sister's boyfriend for now. His name is Garry. He fixes lawn mowers in the city. My sister says he has a hairy butt.


This is Michael. He used to be my best friend but got killed by a bus on the interstate. I still wear his underwear.



These are 2 kids we throw stuff at. There used to be 3 of them. Mom says we can't throw heavy stuff any more.


Jake holds the park record. He once jumped over 7 trailers. Jake crashed a lot and talks real slow now. His doctor told him to wear a helmet.


My uncle Marky is still having problems. He doesn't know what he wants in life anymore. He is a Vietnam War hero and now sells perfume at a department store.


This is my stepbrother Phil. He had a hunting accident years ago. The bullet is lodged just over his right ear. It's hard to understand him sometimes and he always stinks like rotten cheese.








This is our cousin Wayne who lives in England.
Obviously, Wayne is most beautiful one in the family tree, .....
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  #277  
Old 18.07.2008, 00:08
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Things in the football

Things in the football

20. The hole closed on him before he could penetrate it.
19. He came at his blind side and got him from behind.
18. He’s off to the sidelines for a quick blow.
17. It’s a game of inches.
16. That hole was so big, you could drive a truck through it.
15. When you get down in this area, you just gotta start pounding.
14. He’s gonna feel that one tomorrow.
13. He found his tight end.
12. End around.
11. He had to stretch to get it in.
10. He gets penetration in the backfield.
9. He blows them off (at the line).
8. He bangs it in.
7. He could go all the way.
6. He gets it off just in time.
5. He goes deep.
4. He found a hole and slid through it.
3. He pounds it in.
2. He beats them off (the line)
1. He’s got great hands.
__________________
......
Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.
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  #278  
Old 18.07.2008, 12:30
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Re: Things in the football

A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, "I have a headache."

"Perfect," her husband said." I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with aspirin.

You can take it orally, or as a suppository, it's up to you."
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  #279  
Old 18.07.2008, 14:19
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

A friend just told me this one:

A dwarf clairvoyant escaped from jail. You could call her a small medium at large.

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  #280  
Old 18.07.2008, 18:32
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning back
against the headboard, smoking a cigarette with a rather satisfied look on its face. The egg, looking a bit ****ed off, grabs the covers, turns away, and says, 'Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!'
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