Go Back   English Forum Switzerland > Off-Topic > Off-Topic > Jokes/funnies
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #601  
Old 27.03.2010, 00:49
Downerbuzz's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: town not big enough for the both of us
Posts: 698
Groaned at 32 Times in 21 Posts
Thanked 677 Times in 310 Posts
Downerbuzz has a reputation beyond reputeDownerbuzz has a reputation beyond reputeDownerbuzz has a reputation beyond reputeDownerbuzz has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Q: Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

A: She wasn't wearing a seatbelt.



bring on the groans!
Reply With Quote
  #602  
Old 27.03.2010, 01:00
copes's Avatar
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Versoix
Posts: 102
Groaned at 2 Times in 1 Post
Thanked 46 Times in 21 Posts
copes has slipped a little
Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Quote:
View Post
Q: Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

A: She wasn't wearing a seatbelt.



bring on the groans!
Q:Why did Elton John sing at Princess Diana's funeral?
A: Because the Crash Test Dummies were unavailable..

Ha de ha ha....ha
Reply With Quote
  #603  
Old 27.03.2010, 17:15
martini104's Avatar
Newbie 1st class
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: near Luzern
Posts: 29
Groaned at 0 Times in 0 Posts
Thanked 19 Times in 15 Posts
martini104 has no particular reputation at present
Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Q: Who are the "coolest" people in a Hospital?

A: the Ultra Sound people of course!!
Reply With Quote
  #604  
Old 29.03.2010, 09:50
slammer's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Lummerland
Posts: 3,662
Groaned at 79 Times in 58 Posts
Thanked 5,789 Times in 2,131 Posts
slammer has a reputation beyond reputeslammer has a reputation beyond reputeslammer has a reputation beyond reputeslammer has a reputation beyond reputeslammer has a reputation beyond reputeslammer has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

If it starts as a really bad joke some years ago, but now everyone has heard it, has it groan up??
Reply With Quote
  #605  
Old 29.03.2010, 09:52
kevlegs's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Far far away
Posts: 2,180
Groaned at 3 Times in 3 Posts
Thanked 1,324 Times in 700 Posts
kevlegs has a reputation beyond reputekevlegs has a reputation beyond reputekevlegs has a reputation beyond reputekevlegs has a reputation beyond reputekevlegs has a reputation beyond reputekevlegs has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together
Reply With Quote
  #606  
Old 29.03.2010, 09:52
kevlegs's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Far far away
Posts: 2,180
Groaned at 3 Times in 3 Posts
Thanked 1,324 Times in 700 Posts
kevlegs has a reputation beyond reputekevlegs has a reputation beyond reputekevlegs has a reputation beyond reputekevlegs has a reputation beyond reputekevlegs has a reputation beyond reputekevlegs has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Energizer Bunny arrested and charged with battery
Reply With Quote
  #607  
Old 04.04.2010, 00:02
mirfield's Avatar
Moddy McModface
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Basel
Posts: 8,204
Groaned at 51 Times in 45 Posts
Thanked 8,096 Times in 2,954 Posts
mirfield has a reputation beyond reputemirfield has a reputation beyond reputemirfield has a reputation beyond reputemirfield has a reputation beyond reputemirfield has a reputation beyond reputemirfield has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Son asked his mother, "Mum, why are wedding dresses white?"

The mother looks at her son and replies, "Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure."

He thanks his mum and goes off to double-check with his father.

"Dad, why are wedding dresses white?"

The father looks at his son in surprise and takes him on a walkabout. He shows him the fridge and asks him what colour it is. The son replies, "White".

He does the same for the dishwasher, the washing machine, and the dryer. Each time the boy replies, "White."

"So you see son, all household appliances come in white."
Reply With Quote
  #608  
Old 07.04.2010, 12:42
higgybaby's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Zurich
Posts: 992
Groaned at 44 Times in 28 Posts
Thanked 765 Times in 397 Posts
higgybaby has a reputation beyond reputehiggybaby has a reputation beyond reputehiggybaby has a reputation beyond reputehiggybaby has a reputation beyond reputehiggybaby has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

apologies for this as it's rude and sexist:
"A bird in the arse is worth two in the bush"
Reply With Quote
  #609  
Old 07.04.2010, 12:59
MrVertigo's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: CH
Posts: 3,066
Groaned at 77 Times in 65 Posts
Thanked 5,286 Times in 2,059 Posts
MrVertigo has a reputation beyond reputeMrVertigo has a reputation beyond reputeMrVertigo has a reputation beyond reputeMrVertigo has a reputation beyond reputeMrVertigo has a reputation beyond reputeMrVertigo has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

why didn't Superman save Princess Diana?

.... try catching a Mercedes with a wheelchair
Reply With Quote
  #610  
Old 09.04.2010, 18:06
mirfield's Avatar
Moddy McModface
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Basel
Posts: 8,204
Groaned at 51 Times in 45 Posts
Thanked 8,096 Times in 2,954 Posts
mirfield has a reputation beyond reputemirfield has a reputation beyond reputemirfield has a reputation beyond reputemirfield has a reputation beyond reputemirfield has a reputation beyond reputemirfield has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

I got the wife a bag and a belt for her birthday.

She wasn't happy, but at least the hoover works now.
Reply With Quote
  #611  
Old 09.04.2010, 18:13
mirfield's Avatar
Moddy McModface
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Basel
Posts: 8,204
Groaned at 51 Times in 45 Posts
Thanked 8,096 Times in 2,954 Posts
mirfield has a reputation beyond reputemirfield has a reputation beyond reputemirfield has a reputation beyond reputemirfield has a reputation beyond reputemirfield has a reputation beyond reputemirfield has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

I gave the wife a ring for our anniversary.

I said, "Happy Anniversary. I'm finishing early today so have my tea ready for 5."
Reply With Quote
  #612  
Old 09.04.2010, 18:37
monkeynut's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Geneva
Posts: 1,132
Groaned at 38 Times in 32 Posts
Thanked 1,392 Times in 521 Posts
monkeynut has a reputation beyond reputemonkeynut has a reputation beyond reputemonkeynut has a reputation beyond reputemonkeynut has a reputation beyond reputemonkeynut has a reputation beyond reputemonkeynut has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Quote:
View Post
why didn't Superman save Princess Diana?

.... try catching a Mercedes with a wheelchair
wow.just wow.
Reply With Quote
  #613  
Old 09.04.2010, 18:54
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: C.H.
Posts: 258
Groaned at 4 Times in 4 Posts
Thanked 193 Times in 101 Posts
readysteadygo has a reputation beyond reputereadysteadygo has a reputation beyond reputereadysteadygo has a reputation beyond reputereadysteadygo has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Quote:
View Post
wow.just wow.
Made me sit up straight, that's for sure.

I think this is the winner so far on this thread, it really is terrible, in so many ways, like the one about what it would take to get the Beatles back together...
Not condemning it at all, I can appreciate the sharp wit, just couldn't help feeling it's a bit wrong somehow, which probably makes it a good joke actually, but,,, oh dear,now I'm all confused.

Edit, Mirfield, your last ones were pretty darn good as well, in a Tommy Cooper type of way.
Reply With Quote
  #614  
Old 27.04.2010, 23:04
MrVertigo's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: CH
Posts: 3,066
Groaned at 77 Times in 65 Posts
Thanked 5,286 Times in 2,059 Posts
MrVertigo has a reputation beyond reputeMrVertigo has a reputation beyond reputeMrVertigo has a reputation beyond reputeMrVertigo has a reputation beyond reputeMrVertigo has a reputation beyond reputeMrVertigo has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver looked at the child and blurted out, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!"

Infuriated, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.

"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.

The man sympathized and said, "Why, he's a public servant! He shouldn't say things to insult passengers."

"You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind!"

"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."
__________________
-I'm back in town
Reply With Quote
  #615  
Old 27.04.2010, 23:25
kevlegs's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Far far away
Posts: 2,180
Groaned at 3 Times in 3 Posts
Thanked 1,324 Times in 700 Posts
kevlegs has a reputation beyond reputekevlegs has a reputation beyond reputekevlegs has a reputation beyond reputekevlegs has a reputation beyond reputekevlegs has a reputation beyond reputekevlegs has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

I asked the wife if we could spice up our sex life with some fantasy rape etc.

She said "no"

That's the spirit
Reply With Quote
  #616  
Old 27.04.2010, 23:50
rrs rrs is offline
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Zuerich
Posts: 986
Groaned at 105 Times in 63 Posts
Thanked 348 Times in 226 Posts
rrs is considered unworthyrrs is considered unworthyrrs is considered unworthyrrs is considered unworthy
Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

The squirrels are looking for you, they think you're nuts.
Reply With Quote
  #617  
Old 28.04.2010, 00:37
helge's Avatar
Newbie 1st class
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Zürich
Posts: 11
Groaned at 0 Times in 0 Posts
Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts
helge has made some interesting contributions
Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

- An offer you can't understand.
Reply With Quote
  #618  
Old 02.05.2010, 19:13
mirfield's Avatar
Moddy McModface
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Basel
Posts: 8,204
Groaned at 51 Times in 45 Posts
Thanked 8,096 Times in 2,954 Posts
mirfield has a reputation beyond reputemirfield has a reputation beyond reputemirfield has a reputation beyond reputemirfield has a reputation beyond reputemirfield has a reputation beyond reputemirfield has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Why do women wear make-up and perfume?

'Cos they're ugly and they smell
Reply With Quote
  #619  
Old 06.05.2010, 17:43
Chemmie's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Zurich
Posts: 3,720
Groaned at 27 Times in 23 Posts
Thanked 4,234 Times in 1,921 Posts
Chemmie has a reputation beyond reputeChemmie has a reputation beyond reputeChemmie has a reputation beyond reputeChemmie has a reputation beyond reputeChemmie has a reputation beyond reputeChemmie has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Three retired Swiss women were flashed at a senior citizen home today in Wallis. Two got a stroke, the other could not reach that far.
Reply With Quote
  #620  
Old 18.05.2010, 17:47
slammer's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Lummerland
Posts: 3,662
Groaned at 79 Times in 58 Posts
Thanked 5,789 Times in 2,131 Posts
slammer has a reputation beyond reputeslammer has a reputation beyond reputeslammer has a reputation beyond reputeslammer has a reputation beyond reputeslammer has a reputation beyond reputeslammer has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Why have scientists started using bankers for experiments instead of rats?

So that they don't become emotionally attached.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
funnies, punography




Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
EF Challenge: Number plate cushions litespeed Transportation/driving 42 30.08.2013 23:54
Website Challenge Lob Jokes/funnies 38 01.07.2008 22:01
I think I may be making a terrible mistake !! gypsy21 Daily life 66 27.04.2007 00:09
Ski Challenge Nickj General off-topic 0 04.12.2006 13:33


All times are GMT +2. The time now is 20:08.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2016, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
LinkBacks Enabled by vBSEO 3.1.0