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  #681  
Old 13.09.2010, 19:12
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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One for the girls : 'how many men does it take to paper a bathroom?'

'Depends how thinly you slice them!'.
Girls jokes huh?

(I am a man, but these are my favourites)
-----------

What do you call the useless piece of skin at the end of a penis?

Man
------------

What do you do if you find your husband rolling around on the floor in agony?

Shoot him again
--------------------

What does a womans arsehole do during an orgasm?

I don't know either, he's usually at home minding the kids
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  #682  
Old 13.09.2010, 19:54
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Q. How do you make your wife scream during sex?


A. Call her



Q. How do you make your wife scream after sex?


A. Wipe yourself on the bedroom curtains


Quote:
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Girls jokes huh?

(I am a man, but these are my favourites)
-----------

What do you call the useless piece of skin at the end of a penis?

Man
------------

What do you do if you find your husband rolling around on the floor in agony?

Shoot him again
--------------------

What does a womans arsehole do during an orgasm?

I don't know either, he's usually at home minding the kids
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  #683  
Old 14.09.2010, 11:23
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

A man is going 45 mph and a woman is going 2 mph when they collide. Who's fault is it?





The man's: He shouldn't have been driving in the kitchen.
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  #684  
Old 14.09.2010, 11:34
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Why do women have small feet?

So they can stand closer to the sink.



What do you do when you're watching the football on the couch and your wife is nagging in your ear?

Shorten the chain from the kitchen
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  #685  
Old 15.09.2010, 16:57
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?













"That's not funny."
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  #686  
Old 15.09.2010, 20:34
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's a woman.
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  #687  
Old 16.09.2010, 13:41
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Q: What's the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?
A: Iron Man is a super hero Iron Woman is an instruction.
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  #688  
Old 16.09.2010, 13:55
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Q: Whats the difference between a fly and a mosquito ?

A: A Fly can fly. A Mosquito cannot mosquito.
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  #689  
Old 16.09.2010, 18:53
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Q. What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?












A. Christopher Walken
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  #690  
Old 16.09.2010, 19:02
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Why didn't superman save the twin towers on 9/11 ?






He was a quadraplegic



(this joke used to be low, and now he's dead it's worse - but this is the 'bad joke' thread)
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  #691  
Old 17.09.2010, 11:12
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

This letter was sent to the Lions Bay School Principal's office in West Vancouver after the school had sponsored a luncheon for seniors. An elderly lady received a new radio at the lunch as a door raffle prize and was writing to say thank you.

This story is a credit to all humankind. Forward this to anyone you know who might need a lift.



Dear Lions Bay School ,


God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent Senior Citizens luncheon. I am 87 years old and live at the West Vancouver Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed away so I am all alone. I want to thank you for the kindness you have shown to a forgotten old lady.

My roommate is 95 and has always had her own radio; but, she would never let me listen to it. She said it belonged to her long dead husband, and understandably, wanted to keep it safe.

The other day her radio fell off the nightstand and broke into a dozen pieces. It was awful and she was in tears.



She asked if she could listen to mine, and I was overjoyed that I could tell her to off.


Thank you for that wonderful opportunity.

God bless you all.

Sincerely,


Edna
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  #692  
Old 21.09.2010, 11:10
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Paddy is passing by Mick's hay shed one day when through a gap in the door he sees Mick doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old red Massey Ferguson.

Buttocks clenched Mick performs a slow pirouette and gently slides off first the right welly, followed by the left.


He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move lets his braces fall down from his shoulders to dangle by his hips over his corduroy trousers .

Grabbing both sides of his checked shirt he rips it apart to reveal his tea stained vest underneath and with a final flourish he hurls his flat cap on to a pile of hay.


'What on earth are you doing Mick' says Paddy

'Jeez Paddy, ye frightened the livin bejasus out of me' says an obviously embarrassed Mick, 'but me and the Missus been having some trouble lately in the bedroom department, and the Therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor . "
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That's for me to know.......and you NOT to find out!
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  #693  
Old 21.09.2010, 16:21
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

How is a 9v battery similar to a women's *******?

Even though you know it's a bad idea, you're gonna eventually put your tongue on it.
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  #694  
Old 21.09.2010, 16:23
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

What's the most painful city in Switzerland?

Bern
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  #695  
Old 16.10.2010, 14:22
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

I drew a picture of Yogi Bear, but made him too small. Have I made a Boo Boo?
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  #696  
Old 16.10.2010, 15:09
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Where do you find a turtle with no arms or legs?

Right where you left it.

(is it possilbe to groan at your own posts??)
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  #697  
Old 16.10.2010, 15:30
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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Where do you find a turtle with no arms or legs?

Right where you left it.

(is it possilbe to groan at your own posts??)
No groans necessary here. The title does say terrible jokes
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  #698  
Old 18.10.2010, 23:44
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

All trains in Liverpool are at a standstill. Apparantly, it is something to do with a points failure at Anfield.
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  #699  
Old 18.10.2010, 23:51
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born ?'

The
father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with yourMom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other. There your motheragreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button ,nine months later a little Pop-Upappeared that said:


Scroll down....
.......
















'You got Male!
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  #700  
Old 20.10.2010, 11:42
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

A blonde calls her Fixed phone company, and asks:
Our wire to the phone is too long, Could you please pull it a little from your side
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