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  #701  
Old 20.10.2010, 12:06
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

How do you find a vegan at a dinner party?













Don't worry, they'll let you know.
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  #702  
Old 20.10.2010, 21:48
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

ok how about this:

what is the simililarity between john the baptist and winne the poo?

their middle names

boom boom!
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  #703  
Old 20.10.2010, 22:15
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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How do you find a vegan at a dinner party?





Don't worry, they'll let you know.


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  #704  
Old 20.10.2010, 22:31
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

I keep having this recurring dream.

10/3

Every night.
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  #705  
Old 22.10.2010, 13:39
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Why are women like parking spots?

The good ones are always taken, so sometimes when no-one's looking you've got to stick it in a handicapped one.
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  #706  
Old 22.10.2010, 18:31
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

What's brown and sticky?












a Stick.
(this is for bad jokes? right?)
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  #707  
Old 22.10.2010, 18:33
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Quote:
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(this is for bad jokes? right?)
Yeah Pathetic one
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  #708  
Old 22.10.2010, 21:17
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?









A carrot!
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  #709  
Old 23.10.2010, 11:52
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

What's red and invisible?











No tomatoes.
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  #710  
Old 23.10.2010, 12:23
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

on vacation and the only German paper in Locarno available at the hotel is "the blick"
you can imagine the source of bad jokes is endless ...
My favorite is what is the difference between the swiss national team and a lady bug?
A lady bug has more points...
Perhaps it is lost in translation ...
I think i am going to start reading the Italian section
The headlines at the Luzern paper i found this morning at breakfast
( i guess saturday they give the blick a break) is that a man protesting the crucifix in public schools is forced into exile as he received murder threats
an expert, god i love those experts they bring in on religion, said , well everyone is sensitive about religion, it is normal...
a new phrase the man made up is swissban , like taliban but local
is that funny?
I think it is
the man is in exile in Germany because of swiss religious fanatics...
ha ha ha
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  #711  
Old 23.10.2010, 12:31
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

The Mother Superior and a Novice are visiting the Zoo. At the Gorilla den, the novice leans too far over with a banana, the Gorilla grabs her and pulls her in,rips off her habit and drags her into the den where he has his awful way with her, by the time the Zoo guards get in, she is unconscious.

2 weeks later, still in hospital, the Mother Superior pays the novice a visit. They sit in stone cold silence for an hour, staring at each other. In the end , the Mother Superior breaks the ice...

"My Child, I must ask you... ... ... Did it hurt ?"

The Novice responds...

"Did it hurt ? Did it Hurt ????"

"He hasn't phoned, sent me flowers or even visited..." Of course it bloody hurts.
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  #712  
Old 23.10.2010, 12:37
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

A very large Alsatian and a Poodle are at the Vets...

The Alsatian turns round to the Poodle and asks why he is here..
The Poodle replies
"Well, There I was minding my own business when this baby crawls up to me and pokes me in the eye, so naturally of course I bit it back a few times, and now my owners are having me put to sleep. Why are you here , he asks the Alsatian"

"Well, there I was laying on the bed, when my Mistress comes out of the shower, naked and wet and bends down to dry her feet. Well, that's all I needed, I jumped her from behind and starting humping her as quick as I could..."

"Wow, says the Poodle, so are you here to be put down too ???

"Nah, said the Alsatian, just here to get my nails trimmed...."
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  #713  
Old 23.10.2010, 14:01
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

What does Mozart do now that he's dead?
Decompose.

What did the Dhali Lama say to the hot dog vender?
Make me one with everything.

How did captain Hook die?
He was picking his nose with the wrong hand.
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  #714  
Old 25.10.2010, 19:36
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

How do elephants camouflage themselves in the wild?
They paint their toe nails red

Have you ever seen an elephant with red toe nails?
Shows you it works well…
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  #715  
Old 25.10.2010, 19:48
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

There's two muffins in an oven. First muffin says:
"Geez, it's hot in here."

The other muffin replies:
"OH MY GOD! A talking muffin!"
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  #716  
Old 27.10.2010, 03:10
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

One day there was a cave in at a gold mine. Fortunately, almost all of the miners got out safely, but one was trapped by the rubble. A few days later, he woke up in the hospital. The miner pulled away his blankets, and to his horror he found one of his legs had been amputated.

He starts sobbing uncontrollably, and the doctors come in to console him.
"I'm sorry, but it was the only way to save your life! If we didn't cut off your leg, you would have died!"
"How am I going to work with one leg? I have a wife and six children to support!"
"Well, you do have insurance and social security, don't you?"
"That won't be enough! I need a job to support them, and who in this world is going to want to give money to a one-legged gold digger?"

At that point, Sir Paul McCartney walks into the room...
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  #717  
Old 27.10.2010, 05:08
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

warning,dry joke ahead... water anyone?

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  #718  
Old 27.10.2010, 05:45
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the redhead saw her boyfriend buying flowers.

Redhead sighed and said, "Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again."

The blonde looked quizzically at her and said, "You don't like getting flowers from your boyfriend?"

The redhead said, "I love getting flowers, but he always has expectations after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."

The blonde says, "Don't you have a vase?"
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  #719  
Old 28.10.2010, 02:11
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Where is the difference between a rotten vegetable and a glommy blues?
One is a bad salad, the other a sad ballad.
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  #720  
Old 31.10.2010, 16:12
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

A Yorkshireman goes to the vet

"Aye up Lad, ah want to talk to thee abart ma cat.

"Is it a tom?"

"Nay lad ah brought it wi me."
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