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  #61  
Old 25.03.2008, 11:39
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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How do you identify a new-age, independent woman?







She rolls her own tampons
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  #62  
Old 25.03.2008, 12:36
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Labor Pain MachineA married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father.
He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine.
The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic. When they got home, the mailman was dead on the porch.
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  #63  
Old 25.03.2008, 15:15
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Two sanitary pads were floating down a sewer drain, and were approaching two tampons.

Before the pads and tampons reached each other, one pad said to the other,
"Should we say hi to those 2 tampons?"

The other pad responded, "Err... nah... they're stuck up **nts."
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  #64  
Old 25.03.2008, 15:38
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

EEEEEeuuuuuuwwww, that's really disgusting.............but funny. So is this thread reduced to period jokes now or what ???

Mines quite tame to that .....


How do you embarrass an archaeologist?

Give him a used tampon and ask him what period it came from.
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  #65  
Old 25.03.2008, 16:13
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

What did the maxi-pad say to the fart?

You are the wind beneath my wings.
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  #66  
Old 25.03.2008, 17:46
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

I don't know what's happening with this thread....earlier talk of fridges seems to have given way to jokes about the feminine lower half.....

Which reminded me of this old one....

Q What's the difference between a woman and a fridge

A. A fridge doesn't fart when you take your meat out!
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  #67  
Old 25.03.2008, 17:55
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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I don't know what's happening with this thread....earlier talk of fridges seems to have given way to jokes about the feminine lower half.....

Which reminded me of this old one....

Q What's the difference between a woman and a fridge

A. A fridge doesn't fart when you take your meat out!
Huh? stupid character requirement
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  #68  
Old 25.03.2008, 18:14
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

My colleagues should be thankful that the last couple ones aren't translatable!
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  #69  
Old 25.03.2008, 19:01
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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A. A fridge doesn't fart when you take your meat out!
Actually that's called queefing.
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  #70  
Old 25.03.2008, 19:16
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Mr Smith goes to the doctor -

Doctor: "Mr Smith, you'll have to stop masturbating."
Mr Smith: "Oh-My-God! Why?!"
Doctor: "Well, because I'm trying to examine you."
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  #71  
Old 25.03.2008, 21:46
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

David Hasselhoff walks into a bar and says to the barman, "I want you to call me David Hoff!"
The barman looks at him and says: "No hassle..."
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  #72  
Old 26.03.2008, 15:58
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there's no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day with the following exercises a week before the exam, you will be totally prepared for the test -- and best of all -- you can do these simple practice exercises right in your home.

EXERCISE ONE: Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast between the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends slam the door shut as hard as possible -- and then lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds. Repeat again in case the first time wasn't effective enough.

EXERCISE TWO: Go into your garage at 3 a.m. when the temperature of the cement floor is just right. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat for the other breast.

EXERCISE THREE: Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Press the bookends together as hard as you can. Set an appointment with the stranger to meet next year and do it again.

You are now properly prepared.
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  #73  
Old 26.03.2008, 17:05
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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Many women are afraid of their first mammogram..
Please warn us before posting such things..

The Coke I was just trying to drink came out my nose..!!
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  #74  
Old 26.03.2008, 17:35
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Can you get a pic of that and put it here? Should be pretty funny too.

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Please warn us before posting such things..

The Coke I was just trying to drink came out my nose..!!
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  #75  
Old 26.03.2008, 17:44
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Sorry about that vwild1, I'll include forewarnings next time
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  #76  
Old 26.03.2008, 17:47
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

A gynecologist was getting sick of his job and decided that he needed a career change.
He'd always enjoyed tinkering with engines so thought he'd become a mechanic. So he went along to mechanics school and the final test was to strip the engine completely and reassemble it back into perfect working order. Our gynecologist friend did the test and anxiously awaited his results. The day he received the results, he got quite a surprise -- he got 150%. He quickly phoned the instructor and asked about the high mark. The instructor said, “No, that's right. First, I gave you 50% for stripping down the engine -- a very thorough job. Next, I gave you 50% for reassembling it -- a fantastic job really. And then I gave you a 50% bonus for doing it all through the tail pipe.”
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  #77  
Old 27.03.2008, 12:21
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]



Once there were two twins, Joe and John. Joe was the owner of a dilapidated old boat, which sank the same day that John's wife died. A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Joe and mistook him for John.
"I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible."
"Hell, no! In fact, I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water, she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle."
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  #78  
Old 27.03.2008, 12:57
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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A gynecologist was getting sick of his job and decided that he needed a career change.
He'd always enjoyed tinkering with engines so thought he'd become a mechanic. So he went along to mechanics school and the final test was to strip the engine completely and reassemble it back into perfect working order. Our gynecologist friend did the test and anxiously awaited his results. The day he received the results, he got quite a surprise -- he got 150%. He quickly phoned the instructor and asked about the high mark. The instructor said, “No, that's right. First, I gave you 50% for stripping down the engine -- a very thorough job. Next, I gave you 50% for reassembling it -- a fantastic job really. And then I gave you a 50% bonus for doing it all through the tail pipe.”
I love this one and it reminds me of another one...

How does a gynaecologist wallpaper his hallway?





Through the letterbox.
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  #79  
Old 27.03.2008, 13:05
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Gynaecologist's convention

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  #80  
Old 27.03.2008, 16:27
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

One day two blondes walk into a perfume shop. The one blonde picks up a bottle of perfume that is titled "Viens Chez Moi."

The blonde asks the manager what it means, and the manager says it means, "Come to Me." So the blonde smells the perfume and asks her friend, "Does this smell like come to you? Because it doesn't smell like come to me."
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