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  #801  
Old 28.07.2011, 14:49
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

The French Army Knife

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  #802  
Old 28.07.2011, 14:54
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Thing is, are older women allowed to tell terrible jokes?
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  #803  
Old 28.07.2011, 14:57
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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Thing is, are older women allowed to tell terrible jokes?
Of course, let's hear it then
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  #804  
Old 28.07.2011, 15:01
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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Thing is, are older women allowed to tell terrible jokes?
Yes and in my experience they can tell no others .
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  #805  
Old 28.07.2011, 15:03
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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Yes and in my experience they can tell no others .
Why can't we have a groan button here?
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  #806  
Old 28.07.2011, 15:07
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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The French Army Knife

You almost got it. Missed one minor detail though:
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  #807  
Old 28.07.2011, 15:11
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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You almost got it. Missed one minor detail though:

touché! well played. Now one for the Frauen:
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  #808  
Old 28.07.2011, 22:15
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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Cooking and cleaning I can do myself, the other one I can'......oh wait
A woman went into a pet shop to buy her husband a pet. After looking around she realized that all the pets there were very expensive. She went to the counter and questioned the clerk.

"I wanted to buy my husband a pet, but all of yours are so expensive", she said.

"Well," said the clerk, "I have a huge bullfrog in the back for $50.00. Would you like to see it?"

"$50.00?? For a Frog??" asked the woman.

The clerk said, "It's a special frog. It gives b.jobs."

Well, the woman did not particularly enjoy giving head, so, she thought this was a heck of a deal. She'd get her husband a gift he'd surely enjoy, and she'd never have to do that again. The woman decided to buy the frog.

She took it home to her husband and explained the strange gift. Of course, the husband was a bit skeptical, but said for sure he'd try it out that night. The woman went to bed that night relieved knowing she'd never have to give another b.job.

About two in the morning, she woke up to hear pots and pans banging around in the kitchen. She got up to go see what was going on. When she got to the kitchen she saw her husband and the frog, sitting at the kitchen table like best buddies, looking through cookbooks.

"What are you two doing looking through cookbooks at this hour?" asked the woman.

The guy looks up at her and says, "Well, if I can teach this frog to cook, your a. is outta here."
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  #809  
Old 29.07.2011, 01:04
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Woman walks into a greengrocer's and asks "Have you got any broccoli?"
"Sorry, Madam, we're out of broccoli and won't get any more in until next week."
"Oh." says the woman, and leaves the shop.

Next day, the same woman comes back into the shop and asks "Have you got any broccoli?"
"No, Madam, we're out of broccoli and won't get any more in until next week."
"Oh." says the woman, and leaves the shop.

Third day, the same woman comes back into the shop and again asks "Have you got any broccoli?"
"No, Madam, as I said to you yesterday, we're out of broccoli and won't be getting any more in until next week."
"Oh." says the woman, and leaves the shop.


Fourth day, she's back again: "Have you got any broccoli?"
"One moment, Madam..." says the greengrocer, and walks round to the front of the counter.
He points at the empty shelf where the broccoli would have been.
Then he points at the label on the edge of the empty shelf, and says "You see, Madam? B-R-O-C-C-F-O-L-I..."
"Wait a minute!" says the woman, "There's no 'F' in 'broccoli'!"
"Indeed, Madam."
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  #810  
Old 29.07.2011, 22:50
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

I was walking back from the pub the other night and someone threw grated cheese at me.
I thought ''That's mature!''
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  #811  
Old 29.07.2011, 23:14
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

WARNING if you get a message from me with a link asking to look at my tinned meat DON'T OPEN IT .. its SPAM!
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  #812  
Old 29.07.2011, 23:55
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A man walks into the doctors and says "my arm hurts in several places" the doctor says "stop going to those places".
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  #813  
Old 30.07.2011, 00:03
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I've got a racing snail and decided to take his shell off to make him more aerodynamic if anything it's made him more sluggish.
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  #814  
Old 30.07.2011, 00:20
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Man walks into a bar with a pig under his arm.
The barman asks: "Where did you get that?"
And the pig replies: "I won him in a raffle".
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  #815  
Old 30.07.2011, 00:31
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What's white and would would kill you if it fell out of a tree?




A fridge.
What's White and can't climb trees?

A fridge


What's blue and can't climb trees?


A fridge with a denim jacket on.
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  #816  
Old 30.07.2011, 00:35
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Woke up this morning with the wife's head stinking of fish with gills growing on one side of her head and fins on the other. The doctor said it the worst brain tuna he's ever seen.
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  #817  
Old 30.07.2011, 11:01
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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The French Army Knife

Shouldn't there be a flagpole so they can fly a white flag from it?
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  #818  
Old 30.07.2011, 11:02
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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You almost got it. Missed one minor detail though:
Okay, so I should read the whole damn thread before posting
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  #819  
Old 30.07.2011, 12:05
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My senile mate keeps knocking on his front door then runs round the back to answer it. I don't think he knows what he's letting himself in for.
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  #820  
Old 30.07.2011, 14:16
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Two parrots sitting on a perch. One turns to the other and says "Can you smell fish?"
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