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  #821  
Old 30.07.2011, 15:09
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

A dyslexic walks into a bra...
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  #822  
Old 30.07.2011, 15:10
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Two Nuns cycling down a cobbled street...

"Oooh, I've never come this way before..."
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  #823  
Old 30.07.2011, 15:10
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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Two parrots sitting on a perch. One turns to the other and says "Can you smell fish?"
I'm ashamed to admit it took me a few seconds to get that one.

What's green and has wheels?

Grass. I lied about the wheels.
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  #824  
Old 30.07.2011, 15:10
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Some bloke threw some cottage cheese at me the other day. How Dairy.
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  #825  
Old 30.07.2011, 15:19
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Two nuns in a bath and one turns to the other and says:
- "Where's the soap?"

.... and the other replies:,
- "Yes it does ... doesn't it?"

[may have to say it out loud if it doesn't click, straight away - spelling]
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  #826  
Old 30.07.2011, 15:39
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Father Ted decides to visit Mother Superior Theresa at the Convent, on the other side of Town for an evening sherry. As he makes his way through the back streets of the town a lady of ill repute jumps out under the street lamp light , flashes her bra and shouts

"25 quid for a quickie !"

Shocked, the Father hurries on, when at the next street corner another night worker jumps out and lifts her skirt...

"25 quid for a quickie !"

Hurrying along, this happens 3 or 4 more times before he manages to get to the Convent. Settling down in the front room, on the sofa at the convent, Mother Theresa hands him a Sherry. After some polite small talk, the Father cannot contain his recent experience any more. Shifting closer to the Mother Theresa he leans over and asks "I have to ask you, but can you please tell me what's a "quickie" ?.

"Same as in town, 25 quid."
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  #827  
Old 30.07.2011, 15:53
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Had a terrible day today, on my way to work some bloke through some breaded garlic mushrooms at me...and that was just for starters.
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  #828  
Old 30.07.2011, 15:58
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

I had to go to the doctor because I'm always completing the crossword. He told me not to get too down.
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  #829  
Old 30.07.2011, 16:41
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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I had to go to the doctor because I'm always completing the crossword. He told me not to get too down.

I lost my mood ring, and don't know how I feel about that joke.
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  #830  
Old 30.07.2011, 16:47
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

I took a job as a hotel receptionist, but even on my first day I had reservations.
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  #831  
Old 30.07.2011, 16:50
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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I took a job as a hotel receptionist, but even on my first day I had reservations.

If a parsley farmer is good at his job, is he outstanding in his field? What if he goes broke, do they garnish his wages?
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  #832  
Old 30.07.2011, 16:51
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

I've just been chopping herbs in the kitchen and some got in my eye. I think I have been left parsley sighted.
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  #833  
Old 30.07.2011, 17:15
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

I was in the pub last night and my friend said "fancy a game of darts?" and I said "ok" and he said "nearest the bull starts?" and I said "ok" and he said "baah" and I said "moo" and he said "off you go, then..."
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  #834  
Old 30.07.2011, 20:09
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What's the difference between a bus and a plum?

They're both purple except for the bus.
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  #835  
Old 30.07.2011, 22:07
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

I used to like tractors. Now I am an extractor fan.
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  #836  
Old 30.07.2011, 22:09
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

How many Swiss men does it take to paper a bathroom?

Depends how thinly you slice them.
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  #837  
Old 30.07.2011, 22:21
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

A friend of mine had an unfortunate wind problem - every time he farted, it made a noise that sounded like ..... "Honda".

It was causing him so much embarrassment, that in the end he had to go to see his doctor.

The doctor ultimately had to examine the offending area, and with a wry half-smile looked at my friend, and told him he could see exactly why he had this problem:

- "I'm afraid you have an abscess on you rectum".

- "Well, how does that cause the funny Honda noise?", my friend asked.

- "Isn't it obvious?", replied the doctor:

- "Abscess makes the fart go Honda"
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  #838  
Old 30.07.2011, 23:01
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Why does Bush hates when someone calls at the door?
- Cause the sound goes cling-tone

Why does Clinton hates to flush the toilet?
- Cause it hears "Buuuushhhhh"

they suck, i know
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  #839  
Old 30.07.2011, 23:39
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Don't you just hate it when your finger pokes through the toilet paper? Other than that I'm loving my new job at the old folks home.
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  #840  
Old 01.08.2011, 19:53
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Update on the two people that Züri police arrested last night, one for drinking battery acid and the other for eating fireworks.

Their lawyer says that one was charged this morning, but that he expects the other to be let off later tonight...
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