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  #901  
Old 30.09.2011, 12:04
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

80-year old Ethel bursts into the rec room at the retirement home.

She holds her clenched fist in the air and shouts, “Anyone who can guess what’s in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!”.

An elderly gentleman at the back shouts out "is it an elephant?"

Ethel thinks for a minute and says "close enough".
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  #902  
Old 30.09.2011, 14:45
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Walking through San Francisco' Chinatown, a tourist becomes fascinated by all of the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. He turns a corner and sees abuilding with the sign, "Moise Plotkin's Chinese Laundry."

"Moise Plotkin?" He muses. "how does that name fit in here?"
So he enters the store and finds an old Chinese gentleman behind the counter.

The tourist asks, "How did this place get a name like "Moise Plotnik's Chinese Laundry?"
The old man answers, "Is name of owner."

The tourist asks, "Well, who and where is the owner?"
"Me, is right here," replies the old man.

"You? How did you get a name like Moise Plotnik?"
"Is simple, "says the old man. Many, many year ago when come to this country, was standing in line at Documentation Center. Man in front is gentleman
from Poland."

Lady look at him and say, "What your name?"
He say, "Moise Plotnik"

Then she look at me and go, "What your name?"
I say, "Sem Ting."




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  #903  
Old 30.09.2011, 21:58
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Walking through San Francisco' Chinatown, a tourist becomes fascinated by all of the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. He turns a corner and sees abuilding with the sign, "Moise Plotkin's Chinese Laundry."

"Moise Plotkin?" He muses. "how does that name fit in here?"
So he enters the store and finds an old Chinese gentleman behind the counter.

The tourist asks, "How did this place get a name like "Moise Plotnik's Chinese Laundry?"
The old man answers, "Is name of owner."

The tourist asks, "Well, who and where is the owner?"
"Me, is right here," replies the old man.

"You? How did you get a name like Moise Plotnik?"
"Is simple, "says the old man. Many, many year ago when come to this country, was standing in line at Documentation Center. Man in front is gentleman
from Poland."

Lady look at him and say, "What your name?"
He say, "Moise Plotnik"

Then she look at me and go, "What your name?"
I say, "Sem Ting."




Truly, truly and I say to you TERRIBLE (erm....that means excellent, on this thread .
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  #904  
Old 05.10.2011, 07:18
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Q: What is the difference between Jack Daniels and General George Custer?

A: Jack Daniels is still killing Indians( Native Americans ).
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  #905  
Old 05.10.2011, 12:35
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

a man calls 999 and says' please help! i think my wife is dead!' the guy says 'are you sure?' he says 'well, the sex is the same but the ironing keeps piling up...'
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  #906  
Old 05.10.2011, 12:41
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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a man calls 999 and says' please help! i think my wife is dead!' the guy says 'are you sure?' he says 'well, the sex is the same but the ironing keeps piling up...'
A man calls 999 and says "I just shot my wife, I think she is dead"' the 999 Operator replies "Dead ??? Can you make sure please ?"

Man puts down phone...

<BANG> <BANG> <BANG>

Man picks up phone..."Yep, I am sure..."
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  #907  
Old 06.10.2011, 13:26
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

If solicitors are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed and dry cleaners depressed?

Laundry workers could decrease, eventually becoming depressed and depleted!

Even more, bedmakers will be debunked, baseball players will be debased, landscape gardeners will be deflowered, bulldozer operators will be degraded, software engineers will be detested.

Train drivers will be derailed - and unfortunately whores will be delayed.

And even musical composers will eventually decompose!!
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  #908  
Old 06.10.2011, 14:59
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

My friends' Facebook status:
"Why is everyone going on about that Steve Jobs guy dying?? What has he done for us that makes him so special?"
5 minutes ago via iPhone
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  #909  
Old 06.10.2011, 14:59
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

I told my boss that 3 companies were after me and I needed a raise if he wanted me to stay.

He asked which 3 companies they were, so I told him the gas, electric and Sky.
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  #910  
Old 06.10.2011, 21:24
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

My budgie broke his leg today so I made him a little splint out of a couple of Swan Vesta's,his little face lit up when he tried to walk..

Unfortunately, I forgot to remove the sandpaper from the bottom of his cage.
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  #911  
Old 07.10.2011, 11:41
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Don't know if we've already had this one (and I don't have time right now to go through 46 pages of quotes)...

A joke for the politically correct...

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Gurkha, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a German, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Jap, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Jordanian, a Kiwi, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian, an Argentine, a Libyan, a Muslim, a Hindu, a Buddhist and an African went to a night club.





The bouncer said, "Sorry, I can't let you in without a Thai. "
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  #912  
Old 07.10.2011, 11:45
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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The bouncer said, "Sorry, I can't let you in without a Thai. "
Why not ?
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  #913  
Old 07.10.2011, 16:41
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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Why not ?
With that many in the group they should have just pushed past him.
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  #914  
Old 07.10.2011, 16:57
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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Why not ?
Not to get to the other side?
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  #915  
Old 07.10.2011, 17:03
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

this thread needs the thanks and groan buttons activated. particularly the groan :P
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  #916  
Old 07.10.2011, 17:27
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]



Say no more...
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  #917  
Old 07.10.2011, 18:07
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Q. When is a door not a door?
















A. When it’s ajar.
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  #918  
Old 07.10.2011, 18:11
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

and old one, but always makes me chuckle

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  #919  
Old 07.10.2011, 21:37
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Last night I was woken up by four Man City fans outside my house playing football with a hedgehog. I was absolutely disgusted and just about to call the RSPCA when the hedgehog went one-nil up........
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  #920  
Old 08.10.2011, 01:25
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

We don't serve your types in here!
A time traveler walks into a bar.
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