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  #1061  
Old 02.07.2012, 11:00
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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  #1062  
Old 06.07.2012, 21:43
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

South African political cartoons, http://www.zapiro.com/Cartoons

Explanation, http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-18743710
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  #1063  
Old 27.07.2012, 18:35
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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  #1064  
Old 28.07.2012, 23:31
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Having a cock like a horse has always proved more of a hindrance than a help to me, especially when it comes to women.

I always get the usual "Oh my god!" but more often than not it's closely followed by "Why the has it got four legs and a tail?"
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  #1065  
Old 28.07.2012, 23:32
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

I got really drunk last night and ended up drinking the dark blue liquid inside my magic 8-ball. Much to my surprise, it gave me the ability to predict the future. "I wonder if I'll end up in the hospital because of this.", I asked myself.

After severe stomach pains, nausea, and horrible vomitting ensued, it was clear.....


All signs pointed to yes
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  #1066  
Old 31.07.2012, 18:35
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

The shootings at the cinema in Denver have ruined the Batman film for me.

All I can see in my pirate copy is the audience running about.





Too Soon?
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  #1067  
Old 03.08.2012, 00:12
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Two guys are driving around in a car. They see two dogs humping on the side of the road. One guy says "That really is the best way to have sex". The other guys doubts his wife will go for it. The first guy says "give her a couple of martinis to loosen her up".

The next day they run into each other. "How did it go?" the first guy asks. "Not bad, but it took 8 martinis". "EIGHT MARTINIS! What happened?" "Well, after 2 she was feeling pretty frisky, but it took six more to get her out by the road."
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  #1068  
Old 09.08.2012, 13:14
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick-pocketed.

How could anyone stoop so low!
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  #1069  
Old 09.08.2012, 13:17
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Quote:
View Post
I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick-pocketed.

How could anyone stoop so low!
REPOST!!!


hehehe, classic worth repeating though :P
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  #1070  
Old 09.08.2012, 16:05
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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  #1071  
Old 09.08.2012, 16:06
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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  #1072  
Old 09.08.2012, 17:23
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

I went out for a curry last night and had a Pelican Madras

Very nice but the bill was enormous...
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  #1073  
Old 23.08.2012, 11:29
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

The Dot... FINALLY, SOMEONE HAS CLEARED THIS UP .

For centuries, Hindu women have worn a dot on their foreheads. Most of us have naively thought this was connected with tradition or religion, but the Indian embassy in Ottawa has recently revealed the true story.

When a Hindu woman gets married, she brings a dowry into the union. On her wedding night, the husband scratches off the dot to see whether he has won a corner shop, a petrol station, a curry house, a taxi cab, or an old peoples home in the UK.

If nothing is there, he must remain in India to answer telephones and provide us with Telecom technical advice.
.
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  #1074  
Old 17.09.2012, 18:08
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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  #1075  
Old 17.09.2012, 18:47
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Thanks, I needed a chuckle after this Monday.
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  #1076  
Old 18.09.2012, 16:47
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

The Gardening Thread reminded me of this old one.

Well it was fairly new when I was in SA, a bit old now....

A new young lady is employed in office.
Boss is away for the day - was expecting an important letter in the post.
He phoned young lady secretary and asked her to please fax it to him when it arrived.
About an hour later the fax machine delivered a copy of an envelope.
He phoned her again. "Why are you sending the envelope? I want what is inside!"
"Sir, I haven`t opened it, it`s all still in the envelope, just open it".

..................................

His colleague, also with new young lady secretary, also away for the day, phoned, asked her to fax important letter to him at designated number.
About an hour later fax machine began to spew out copies of the letter ..... and more copies, and more copies, until fax paper ran out.
He phoned her ...... "What are you doing? There are hundreds of copies of that letter here!"
"Sir, I fax it, and it comes back out of the machine - it refuses to go".

...................................
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  #1077  
Old 15.11.2012, 17:30
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Chewing gum

An Australian man was having a
Coffee and croissants with butter
And jam in a cafe when an
American tourist, chewing gum, sat down next to him.
The Australian politely ignored the American,
Who, nevertheless started up a conversation.
The American snapped his gum and said, 'You
Australian folk eat the whole bread?'
The Australian frowned, annoyed with being bothered
During his breakfast, and replied, 'of course.'
The American blew a huge bubble. 'We don't.
In the States, we only eat what's inside. ?
The crusts we collect in a container, recycle them,
Transform them into croissants and sell them to
Australia .'
The American had a smirk on his face.
The Australian listened in silence.
The American persisted, 'D'ya eat jam with your bread?'
Sighing, the Australian replied, 'of course.'
Cracking his gum between his teeth, the American said,
'we don't. In the States, we eat fresh fruit
For breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds
And the leftovers in containers, recycle them,
Transform them into jam and sell it to Australia ..
The Australian then asked,
'Do you have sex in the States?'
The American smiled and said
'Why of course we do.'
The Australian leaned closer to him and asked,
'And what do you do with the
Condoms once you've used them?'
'We throw them away, of course!'
Now it was the Australians turn to smile.
'We don't. In Australia, we put them in a container,
Recycle them, melt them down into chewing
Gum and sell them to the United States .
Why do you think it's called Wrigley's?
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  #1078  
Old 17.11.2012, 17:07
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

I heard they've come up with the name for the next James Bond film. They're going to call it Durchfall.
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  #1079  
Old 17.11.2012, 19:47
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

What did one salmon say to the other salmon when it was upset about the caviar on the floor?



"Don't cry over spilled ilk"



!!!
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  #1080  
Old 17.11.2012, 19:59
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

A woman was driving to work, listening to the radio, when she heard about a prisoner who had escaped from the mental institution. The announcer warned anyone who might spot him to be careful, because most certainly armed and dangerous, and was known to show no fear and be quite audacious.

The woman didn't pay much attention, but as she waited at a red light, she witnessed something awful. Right outside the car window, a man in a bright orange jumpsuit sauntered up to a group of people, took out a knife, and stabbed them all, in broad daylight on a busy city street! He then fled down the sidewalk.

The woman called the police. The dispatcher had her describe what had happened, and then asked "And, ma'am, is the suspect still present at the scene?" The woman replied, "No, not anymore...

...the brazen nut ran!"
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