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  #1241  
Old 15.04.2014, 15:12
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

http://giveupinternet.com/wp-content...hort-penis.jpg
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  #1242  
Old 09.05.2014, 10:39
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

The BBC is sending in a team of their own experts in the hunt for the missing Nigerian school girls. They haven't thought this one through. Jimmy Saville is dead, Stuart hall is locled up and DLT is in a court case
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  #1243  
Old 13.05.2014, 09:41
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him."
He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group fell silent for a moment.

The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
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  #1244  
Old 13.05.2014, 15:37
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

I heard this story, attributed to Groucho marx, but not confirmed.

He was interviewing a woman that had had nine children.
"Why did you have nine children?"
"Because I loved my husband"
"Well, I like my cigars, but I take them out of my mouth once in a while"
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  #1245  
Old 16.05.2014, 13:44
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

A man starts to have stomach pains. After a few days of uninterrupted suffering he finally visits his doctor. After waiting uncomfortably in the waiting room for a number of hours, he is admitted to see his physician. The doctor conducts some tests, writes some notes, nods his head while saying over and again "hmmm, interesting..." At last he gives the man his diagnosis. It's constipation and he'll need to use some suppositories to clear it up. The doctor asks the man to drop his pants and bend over, then the doctor shoves the medicated tablet up his poop shoot."You're going to have to repeat this every six hours for a week," the doctor tells the man, writing him a prescription.
The man leaves and picks up his pills. That evening, he is attempting to insert another suppository but is having some trouble. He asks his wife for help. She's a little leery at first, but she loves him, so what the hell. The man tells his wife what to do and drops his pants and bends over. The wife puts her hand on his shoulder and with her other hand pushes the petite pill in. At that moment the man screams: "!"
"What's the matter?" asks his wife, concernedly. "Did I hurt you?"
"No," the man replies, "but I just realized that the doctor had both hands on my shoulders."
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  #1246  
Old 16.05.2014, 15:24
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

UP & DOWN SEX

At a Senior Citizen's luncheon, an elderly
gentleman and an elderly lady
struck up a conversation and discovered that
they both loved to fish.
Since both of them were widowed,
they decided to go fishing together the next day.
The gentleman picked the lady up, and they
headed to the river to his fishing boat and
started out on their adventure.

They were riding down the river when there was a
fork in the river, and the gentleman asked the lady,

'Do you want to go up or down?'

All of a sudden the lady stripped off her shirt
and pants and made mad passionate love to the man
right there in the boat !

When they finished, the man couldn't believe

what had just happened, but he had just experienced
the best sex that he'd had in years.

They fished for a while and continued on down the
river, when soon they came upon another fork in the
river.

He again asked the lady , 'Up or down ?'

There she went again, stripped off her clothes,
and made wild passionate love to him again.

This really impressed the elderly gentleman, so
he asked her to go fishing again the next day.

She said yes and there they were the next day,
riding in the boat when they came upon the fork in
river, and the elderly gentleman asked, 'Up or down ?'

The woman replied, 'Down.'

A little puzzled and disappointed, the gentleman
guided the boat down the river when he came upon
another fork in the river and he asked the
lady,’ Up or down ?'

She replied, 'Up.'

This really confused the gentleman so he asked,

'What's the deal? Yesterday, every time I asked
you if you wanted to go up or down you made mad passionate love to me. Now today, nothing!'


She replied, 'Well, yesterday I wasn't wearing
my hearing aid and I thought the choices were
F*** or drown...

Last edited by Sbrinz; 02.06.2014 at 17:42.
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  #1247  
Old 27.05.2014, 18:35
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

A recent study revealed that 85% of all Japanese men have cataracts.

The rest drive Rincons and Chevrorays.
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  #1248  
Old 01.06.2014, 23:30
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

What do you get when you cross two roosters? A very cross rooster.
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  #1249  
Old 02.06.2014, 17:44
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

From Auntie, don'tcha love the way she gives us repeats!

Bike sex man placed on probation http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/7095134.stm
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  #1250  
Old 02.06.2014, 17:51
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Quote:
View Post
What do you get when you cross two roosters? A very cross rooster.
I guess you will get 'two' very crossed roosters.
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  #1251  
Old 12.06.2014, 16:33
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

One of my favourites
http://gatheringpoems.blogspot.ch/20...-by-ogden.html
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  #1252  
Old 13.06.2014, 09:24
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

The England team visited an orphanage in Brazil yesterday.
"Its heartbreaking to see their little faces with no hope ." said Jose aged 6
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  #1253  
Old 13.06.2014, 17:21
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

I've just stocked my fridge with beers for the World Cup, customised for each team.

I've got Ueli beer for when Switzerland are playing, because it's Swiss, San Miguel for when Spain are playing, because it's Spanish, Beck's for when Germany, are playing because it's German, Anchor Steam for when USA are playing, because it's American, and Carling for when England are playing because it's sh!t.
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  #1254  
Old 14.06.2014, 01:24
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Heaven is where the police are British, the chefs are Italian, the mechanics are German, the Lovers are french and it is all organized by the Swiss.
Hell is where the police are German, the chefs are British, the mechanics are French, the lovers are Swiss, and it is all organized by the Italians
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  #1255  
Old 14.06.2014, 13:18
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

The Football World Cup - An Update
The England Football team visited an orphanage in Brazil today. "It's heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope," said Jose, age 6
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  #1256  
Old 26.06.2014, 08:46
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

so bad

repertoire-terrible-jokes-i-challenge-you-sobad.jpg
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  #1257  
Old 30.06.2014, 10:36
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.

So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.

She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turnedto leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.

"Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What's your name?

"Morris Feinberg," he replied.

"Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?"

"For about 60 years."

"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"

"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims."

"I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop."

"I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults and to love their fellow man."

"I pray that politicians tell us the truth and put the interests of the people ahead of their own interests."

"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"

"Like I'm talking to a f------ wall."
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  #1258  
Old 09.07.2014, 21:16
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

"Dad", Roubitchek Jr. hollers from his homework - "do I write 5 percent or 5 pourcent?"

"Just say 6."

Cracks me up every single time Dad retells the same jokes to me.
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  #1259  
Old 16.07.2014, 09:46
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

The only jokes I can remember are terrible and should be told by 8 year olds on the school yard. Anything more complicated or better and I seem to mess up the punch line or the joke entirely.

Here is my best effort;

What is brown and sticky?
- A stick

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
- Oh no, I've lost my tractor!

You can try them out on your child. Even they might think that they are horrible.
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  #1260  
Old 21.07.2014, 19:09
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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