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  #1341  
Old 30.11.2014, 00:40
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

What is the difference between erotic and kinky?


Erotic uses a feather; kinky uses the whole chicken.
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  #1342  
Old 30.11.2014, 00:48
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

At a U2 concert in Glasgow, Bono asked the audience for total quiet.

Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands, once every few seconds. Holding the audience in total silence, he said into the microphone, “Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies.”

From the front of the crowd a voice with a broad Scottish accent pierced the quiet …

“Well, ****in' stop clappin' then, ya evil b******!”

Please note that this is obviously not a true story
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  #1343  
Old 01.12.2014, 00:18
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Teacher: "Anyone who thinks he's stupid may stand up!"
Nobody stands up.
Teacher: "Im sure there are some stupid students over here!!"
Little Johnny stands up.
Teacher: "Ohh, Johnny you think you're stupid?"
Little Johnny: "No... i just feel bad that you're standing alone..."
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  #1344  
Old 01.12.2014, 13:48
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

A centurion walks into a bar and asks for a Martinus. The barman says, "Don't you mean a Martini?" The centurion says, " If I'd wanted a double, I’d have asked for one!"


After that one he walks up to the bar flicks up two fingers at the barman and says "Five beers please"
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  #1345  
Old 01.12.2014, 13:50
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Caesar adsum iam forte,
Pompey aderat.
Caesar sic in omnibus
Pompey inisat.
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  #1346  
Old 01.12.2014, 15:55
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

My wife and kids are leaving me because of my obsession with horse racing. They're at the gate now.... and they're OFF!!
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  #1347  
Old 01.12.2014, 16:50
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

How many tickles will make an octopus laugh.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Ten Tickles
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  #1348  
Old 01.12.2014, 17:20
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Quote:
View Post
A centurion walks into a bar and asks for a Martinus. The barman says, "Don't you mean a Martini?" The centurion says, " If I'd wanted a double, I’d have asked for one!"


After that one he walks up to the bar flicks up two fingers at the barman and says "Five beers please"
Quote:
View Post
Caesar adsum iam forte,
Pompey aderat.
Caesar sic in omnibus
Pompey inisat.
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  #1349  
Old 01.12.2014, 18:49
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Why was the frog arrested?

He had kermitted a crime.
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  #1350  
Old 01.12.2014, 18:55
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

- Darling, I can't sleep.

- And you were pissed off because I could???
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  #1351  
Old 01.12.2014, 21:47
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

An elderly couple were attending Mass.

About halfway through, the wife leans over and says to her husband "I just let out a silent fart. What do you think I should do?"

He replies, "Put a new battery in your hearing aid"
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  #1352  
Old 01.12.2014, 23:33
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

What was Jay Z's wife called before they married?

Feyonce.
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  #1353  
Old 02.12.2014, 10:18
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

"Dr Dr, I think I'm a moth"

"I'm a dentist, sir"

"I know, but your light was on"
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  #1354  
Old 02.12.2014, 11:50
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Last night, I had German food for dinner which I didn't like one bit. It was the wurst.
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  #1355  
Old 02.12.2014, 17:16
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

What did the slug say to the snail?

'Big Issue?'
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  #1356  
Old 02.12.2014, 17:16
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

How do you find Will Smith in the snow?

You look for the fresh prints.
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  #1357  
Old 03.12.2014, 15:05
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

A lady came in the other day saying she needs to learn how to drive as soon as possible.

I told her it'll take at least three months for the course.

She asks, "Don't you have a crash course?"
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  #1358  
Old 03.12.2014, 15:07
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

A man saw a magic beanstalk, so he decided to climb it. As he went up, he saw the ugliest woman you've ever seen naked on a leaf.

She said, "Come have sex with me, or climb higher to success."

Without thinking, he carried on climbing. The next woman he saw wasn't bad. I mean, you would do her, but you wouldn't brag about it.

She too beckoned to him saying, "Come have sex with me, or climb higher to success."

So again, he carried on climbing. The next woman he saw was beautiful, I mean, really really hot.

She said, "Come have sex with me, or climb higher to success."

He could only think of what the next woman would be like, so carried on climbing, and was shocked to see an old man stood on a leaf naked.

He was so outraged, he said, "Who the hell are you?"

The old man replied, "I'm Cess."
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  #1359  
Old 03.12.2014, 15:09
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

A blonde orders a beer in a bar.

The bartender fills the mug and slides it down the bar. It hits the blonde woman's breasts and splashes all over them. The bartender goes over, retrieves the mug and licks the beer off her breasts.

Each time the blond calls for another beer this happens. So after the third beer, a guy decides to help the bartender out. The next time the bartender hits her breasts, the man jumps up and starts to lick her breasts and she thumps him!

He is lying on the floor moaning, "Jeez lady. Why do you let the bartender do it?"

"Duh," says the blonde, "He has a licker licence!"
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  #1360  
Old 03.12.2014, 15:10
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

In a middle school, a number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom.

That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night the maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back.

Finally, the Head Teacher decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.

He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.

Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

There are teachers.......and then there are educators.
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