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  #1361  
Old 03.12.2014, 15:19
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

A married couple are at the supermarket.

The man reaches for a case of beer. "Put it back," says his wife. "But it's on special this week - it's 25% off." But she doesn't budge, so the man continues without the beer.

Later, they are walking through another aisle and the woman reaches for a small bottle. "What is that?" asks her husband. "It's for part of my make up. I need it to look beautiful for you."

"See," said her husband, "the beer would have had the same result, plus it was at least two times cheaper than that bottle."

The next time the man woke up, he was immobile in his hospital bed and being fed his dinner through a straw.
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  #1362  
Old 03.12.2014, 16:00
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Who is the coolest person in the hospital?

The ultrasound guy
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  #1363  
Old 03.12.2014, 18:47
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

The blonde was very angry about this. She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, "I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

The blonde did not know how the salesman had recognized her. This time, she got a haircut and new color, a new outfit and big sunglasses. She then waited a few days before she approached the salesman.

"I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"

"Because that's a microwave," he replied.
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  #1364  
Old 03.12.2014, 18:58
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Ha
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  #1365  
Old 03.12.2014, 20:31
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

How do these smart Internets know I need a new microwave
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  #1366  
Old 04.12.2014, 10:56
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Want to see an antelope?

Look, she's coming down the ladder to her boyfriend's car.
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  #1367  
Old 04.12.2014, 11:02
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

What do you call a blind deer?

No idea.


What do you call a blind deer with no legs?

Still no idea.


I wanted venison for dinner last night, but it was too dear.


Now for a change of pace... what do you call cattle with only two legs?

Lean beef.


What do you call cattle with no legs?

Ground beef.
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  #1368  
Old 04.12.2014, 11:04
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

I was at the cash-point when an old woman asked me to check her balance.

So I pushed her over.
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  #1369  
Old 04.12.2014, 15:46
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Whose the second coolest guy in the hospital?

The hip replacement bloke.
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  #1370  
Old 04.12.2014, 15:48
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Who's the worst dressed person in the hospital?

The cardy-ologist.
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  #1371  
Old 05.12.2014, 02:11
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

The most terrible joke:!!

after two weeks your boyfriend asked you, more than twice if you wanna marrie him, he write in a whatsapp message he date another girl and it´s over now between you and him....

this is the most terrible joke, isn´t it???
(and the worst.... its not a joke )
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  #1372  
Old 05.12.2014, 02:20
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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The most terrible joke:!!

after two weeks your boyfriend asked you, more than twice if you wanna marrie him, he write in a whatsapp message he date another girl and it´s over now between you and him....

this is the most terrible joke, isn´t it???
(and the worst.... its not a joke )
I also, sometimes, have problems using Whatsap.
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  #1373  
Old 05.12.2014, 09:11
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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What do you call a blind deer?

No idea.


What do you call a blind deer with no legs?

Still no idea.
What do you call a blind deer with no legs and no genitals?

Still no f*%&ing idea.
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  #1374  
Old 05.12.2014, 09:16
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

This old lady dies up in Yorkshire. The family want a headstone so they go to a mason. 'We'd like something nice' they say, 'how about 'She Was Thine'?'. That's fine says the mason.

When they go back they're appalled to see the stone says 'She Was Thin'. 'You've left the E off!' they cry. The mason is full of apologies.

Eventually they get a call and return. The mason looks very happy and unveils the stone which now reads 'E She Was Thin'.
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  #1375  
Old 05.12.2014, 09:19
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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What do you call a blind deer with no legs and no genitals?

Still no f*%&ing idea.
Most would call it dinner.
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  #1376  
Old 05.12.2014, 12:26
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip? To get to the same side.
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  #1377  
Old 05.12.2014, 23:32
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Q. What's a priest and a pint of Guinness got in common?

A. A black coat, white collar and you've got to watch your arse if you get a dodgy one!
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  #1378  
Old 11.12.2014, 13:10
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Nerdy bad joke alert...


A physics doctoral student was defending his thesis, writing lots of formulae and so on on the whiteboard. When he got to his final conclusion, he finished up with

F = -ma

He turned red as a beetroot. His supervisory team was embarrassed, the defence panel looked embarrassed, and most of the audience couldn't help gasp and be similarly uncomfortable.

"Ummm...", starts the student, "I seem to have made a mistake somewhere."

Someone in the audience yells, "Or rather an odd number of mistakes!"
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  #1379  
Old 11.12.2014, 18:06
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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Eventually they get a call and return. The mason looks very happy and unveils the stone which now reads 'E She Was Thin'.
Must be the same owner:
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  #1380  
Old 11.12.2014, 18:12
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

"I've decided to sell my hoover...well it was just collecting dust"
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