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  #1521  
Old 06.10.2015, 16:45
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

I thought they'd split up?
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  #1522  
Old 06.10.2015, 16:46
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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Warning: terrible nerd joke alert. You were warned...



Oxygen asked Potassium out on a date. She said, "OK!"

Oxygen then went out on a date with Magnesium. OMg!

Nitrogen tried to go out with Oxygen, but Oxygen said, "NO!"
Never trust a single atom. Way too radical.
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  #1523  
Old 06.10.2015, 16:56
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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I thought they'd split up?

They just need a bit of bonding, and everything'll be fine.
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  #1524  
Old 12.10.2015, 02:03
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Although I knew this joke with two Jamaican men, here it goes...

Two Italian men get on a bus. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
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  #1525  
Old 13.10.2015, 22:17
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

American humor
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  #1526  
Old 14.10.2015, 08:30
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
'No,' she answered.
I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'

... She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

_________________________

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."

I bought her a bathroom scale.

______________________________

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you
to pay me a compliment.'

I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
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  #1527  
Old 20.11.2015, 11:51
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

It's Friday.

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  #1528  
Old 24.11.2015, 23:57
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, 'Kin ya swallar?'

The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?' The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.

As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'
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Do or do not, there is no try(ing). Yoda
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  #1529  
Old 25.11.2015, 14:17
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

ISIS will open Peepers in Mosul

http://dandygoat.com/women-of-isis-t...iendly-hooters
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  #1530  
Old 03.12.2015, 20:16
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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  #1531  
Old 03.12.2015, 20:26
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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  #1532  
Old 07.12.2015, 21:22
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Another blond joke

Subject: Ventriloquist

A young ventriloquist is touring Sweden and, one night, he's doing a show in a small fishing town.
With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes. Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting:

"I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype Swedish blonde women that way? What does the colour of a woman's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's men like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as people. Its people like you that make others think that all blondes are dumb! You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general all in the name of humour!"

The young ventriloquist begins to apologise, but the blonde yells:

"You stay out of this!
----------- I'm talking to that little shit on your knee!"
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  #1533  
Old 07.12.2015, 23:32
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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  #1534  
Old 09.12.2015, 22:51
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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  #1535  
Old 15.12.2015, 17:06
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Why don’t Volkswagen hold Christmas Services? They get the readings wrong.
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  #1536  
Old 15.12.2015, 17:07
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

How does Darth Vader like his Christmas turkey? On the dark side.
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  #1537  
Old 15.12.2015, 17:07
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Why does Ed Miliband like advent calendars? He gets to open the door to number 10.
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  #1538  
Old 15.12.2015, 17:08
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Why were Jeremy Clarkson’s colleagues excited to try his mulled wine? Because they’d been floored by his punch.
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  #1539  
Old 15.12.2015, 17:32
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

My mate from Liverpool has just got his kids a trampoline and a couple of bikes for Christmas from the internet.

I asked him which website he found them on, he said, ‘Google Earth’
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  #1540  
Old 21.12.2015, 19:53
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

This guy with no arms goes up to an ice cream vendor and asks for a cone.

The vendor asks "do you want a topping on that?"

The guy says "No, I'm only going to drop it anyway."
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