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  #1601  
Old 19.02.2016, 01:31
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

I'm disappointed with the new haribo Star Wars selection.

They're all chewy.



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  #1602  
Old 19.02.2016, 09:18
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

A Daily Mail reporter is out on the streets trying to gather material for a new story : which of the new generations do the seniors prefer?
Millennials, Gen X... Stops the first old person and starts chatting

Reporter: Which generation do you find most agreable?

Old person: Aah I like the Zika generation, much less big-headed than all the other recent ones...
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  #1603  
Old 19.02.2016, 14:09
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

My laboratory assistant has invented a device that allows you to steal other people's ideas and then permanently delete them from the subject's memory.

Why didn't I think of that?
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  #1604  
Old 22.02.2016, 16:48
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

A woman gets on a bus with her baby.

The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."

The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming.

She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me."

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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  #1605  
Old 22.02.2016, 17:15
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

repertoire-terrible-jokes-i-challenge-you-tumblr_noj7jharta1tkdq4co1_540.jpg
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  #1606  
Old 22.02.2016, 17:44
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Two fisherman are on a canal, passing away the hours, getting bored without a nibble.

Suddenly on the other side of the canal they spot a cyclist and frantically wave hello.

Cyclist is a bit puzzled, but joins in waving back, goes over a bump and verse off into the canal.

The two fisherman looked at each other shocked!

Fisher 1: hum... he's not coming up
Fisher 2: no.. looks like you're going to have to go in and bring him up
Fisher 1: but I can't really swim
Fisher 2: ok ok, man... let me get this heavy kit off and get in there

dives in and brings body back up, start to give mouth to mouth

a few minutes later

Fisher 2: man, this guy has reaaally bad breath!
Fisher 1: Yes, I don't remember him wearing ice skates either!
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  #1607  
Old 22.02.2016, 18:43
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

repertoire-terrible-jokes-i-challenge-you-2ibd8p4.jpg
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  #1608  
Old 23.02.2016, 00:24
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

A woman bought a new £100,000 Jaguar car and proudly drove it off the showroom floor to take home.
Halfway home, she attempted to change radio stations and saw that there appeared to be only one station.
Unimpressed, she immediately turned around and headed back to the dealer.
Once at the dealership, she found her salesman and began, rather excitedly, to explain that her radio was not working, and they must replace it immediately, since she only had one radio station.
The salesman calmed her down and told her that her car radio was voice-activated, and that she would only need to speak aloud the type of music that she wanted and the car would find it.
She got into the car and started the engine and then said the word "Country Music," and the radio changed to a station playing a Dolly Parton song.
She was satisfied and started home. After a while she decided to try out the radio and said "Rock 'n' Roll;" the radio station changed and a song by the Rolling Stones came from the speakers.
Quite pleased, the woman continued driving.
A few streets from her house, another driver shot through a red light causing her to slam on her brakes to avoid a collision.
The woman angrily shouted, "Complete Arsehole..!"
The radio immediately tuned in to a Party Political Broadcast stay in the EU from David Cameron..!
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  #1609  
Old 23.02.2016, 16:14
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

"Children, what do you know about famous mathematicians of ancient Greece?"
"That they are all dead, Miss?"
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  #1610  
Old 23.02.2016, 16:18
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

"Hi, I have heard that your son is at the university! What is he going to be when he finishes?"

"I think a retiree."
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  #1611  
Old 23.02.2016, 17:45
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

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  #1612  
Old 23.02.2016, 17:56
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]








Last edited by amogles; 23.02.2016 at 18:10.
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  #1613  
Old 23.02.2016, 20:37
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Two blondes are chitchatting and one says to the other: "Hey, the other day there was a power outage and I got stuck in the elevator for two hours, it was awful."

"Wow, yeah, and I got stuck on the escalator for 5 hours!"
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  #1614  
Old 23.02.2016, 21:03
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

So glad you both got home safely
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  #1615  
Old 23.02.2016, 21:05
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

A lady walks into the pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic.
"I have to ask you, but what do you want with arsenic?" asks the pharmacist.
"I want to kill my husband." the lady calmly replies.
"I can't sell you arsenic to kill a person!" replies the pharmacist, shocked by her answer.
The lady opens her purse and lays down a photo of a man and a woman in a compromising position.
The man is her husband and the woman is the pharmacist's wife.
He takes the photo, looks at it for a moment and nods.
"My apologies, I didn't realize you had a prescription!"
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  #1616  
Old 23.02.2016, 21:12
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Thanks we did, my precious and me
Quote:
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So glad you both got home safely

A strip of tarmac goes into the pub and orders a pint. After serving him, the barman asks if he wants to join his mate in the corner. Sitting in the corner is a strip of red tarmac.

The strip of tarmac shakes his head violently: "I'm not going near him" it says, "he's a cycle path!"
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  #1617  
Old 23.02.2016, 22:56
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

repertoire-terrible-jokes-i-challenge-you-2469_8c76_500.jpeg
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  #1618  
Old 23.02.2016, 23:15
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

"Johnny, why did you draw blue hair on your father's head", asks an art teacher.

"Miss, I don't have a bald crayon".

Last edited by Ace1; 24.02.2016 at 13:45. Reason: spelling. bold => bald
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  #1619  
Old 23.02.2016, 23:21
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

Two blondes were walking through a forest when they came across some tracks.

"they're fox tracks" said one

"no they're rabbit tracks" said the other.



they were still arguing when the train hit them
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  #1620  
Old 23.02.2016, 23:26
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Re: Repertoire of terrible jokes [I challenge you]

"Mom, I will never go back to school" Annie is crying.

"Why, darling?"

"The teacher is really bad, she keeps asking us questions about everything".
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