Spoiler: 3/10 on the sexism scale!

I've filtered through this weekend's avalanche of spam, and I thought this one was worth sharing. Enjoy!

Things that make blokes proud of themselves.

1. OPENING JARS - She's struggling. You take it from her hands, open
it effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you. She didn't. Jars are
men's work.

2. CALLING SOMEONE 'SON' - Especially policeman but even saying it to
kids makes you the man.

3. DOING A PROPER SLIDE TACKLE - Beckham free kicks - camp. A Stuart
Pearce tackle is the pinnacle of the game, simultaneously winning the ball
and crippling the man. Magic.

4. SHARPENING A PENCIL WITH A STANLEY KNIFE - Blunt, is it? Hand it
here, Love. No, I don't need a sharpener, I've got a knife thanks!

5. GOING TO THE TIP - A manly act which combines driving, lifting and
- as you thrillingly drop your rubbish into another huge pile of other
rubbish - noisy destruction.

6. DRINKING UP - Specifically, rising from the table, slinging your coat
on and downing two thirds of a pint in one fluid movement. Then nodding
towards the door, saying, "Let's go" and striding out while everyone else
struggles to catch up with you. You're hard.

7. HAVING A THIN BIT OF WOOD - in the shed, solely to stir paint with.

8. HAVING A SCAR - Ideally it'll be a facial knife wound, but even an iron
burn on the wrist is good. "Ooh, did it hurt". "Nah".

9. HAVING A HANGOVER AND THICK STUBBLE - When birds have been partying they just whinge. You on the other hand have physical evidence of your hardness, sprouting from your face. "Big night?" Grr, what does it look like?

10. NODDING AT COPPERS - A moment's eye contact is all it takes for
you to share the unspoken bond. "We've not seen eye to eye in the past",
it says, but someone's got to keep the little scrotes in line".

11. USING POWER TOOLS - Slightly more powerful than you need or can
safely handle. Pneumatic drilling while smoking a fag? Superb.

12. KICKING A FOOTY AGAINST A GARAGE DOOR - Clang-g-g-g-g-g-! Stick
that Becks, I kick so hard I set off car alarms.

13. ARRIVING IN A PUB LATE - And everyone cheers you. It doesn't mean
you're popular, it just means your mates are ******. However, the rest of
the pub doesn't know that.

14. NOT WATCHING YOUR WEIGHT - Fat is a feminist issue, apparently.
Brilliant. Pass the pork scratchings.

15. CARVING THE ROAST - And saying "are you a leg or breast man?" to
the blokes and "do you want stuffing?" to the women. Congratulations,
you are now your dad.

16. WINKING - Turns women to putty. Doesn't it?

17. TEST SWINGING HAMMERS - Ideally, B&Q would have little changing
rooms with mirrors so you could see how rugged you look with any DIY item. Until then, we'll make do with the aisles.

18. TAKING OUT £200 FROM A CASHPOINT - Okay, so its for paying the
plumber later but with that much cash you feel like a mafia don. The
only thing better is peeling notes off the roll later.

19. PHONE CALLS THAT LAST LESS THAN A MINUTE - Unlike birds, we get
straight to the point. "Alright? Yep. Drink? Red lion? George, it is
then. Seven. See ya."

20. PARALLEL PARKING - Bosh, straight in. First time. Can Schumacher
do that? No, because his cars got no reverse gear which, technically, makes you the worlds best driver.

21. HAVING EARNED THAT PINT - Since the dawn of time, men have toiled
in the fields in blistering heat. Why? So, when it's over we can stand there in silence, surveying our work with one hand resting on the beer gut while the other nurses a foaming jug of ale. Aaaah.

22. HAVING SOMETHING PROPERLY WRONG WITH YOU - Especially if you
didn't make a fuss. "Why was I off, nothing much, just a brain haemorrhage".

23. KNOWING WHICH SCREWDRIVER IS WHICH - "A Phillips? For that? Are
you mad, bint?

now this one we all know is rubbish, men are the biggest whingers when ill, it seems men only ever get 'proper man flu'

I like this one. The call to action : swinging the coat over the shoulder, necking the pint shows the imperative in true John Wayne stylee with the Posse close behind. Think Henry Fonda & Charles Bronson: Once Upon A Time in the Dub.




I remember in the days when phone calls were expensive my Dad used to say: "keep that call short. The phone is not for having conversations on. Its for passing messages .

Real Men pass short messages like: "We meet at Noon at the railway station. I'll be the one in the rocking chair next to the ticking clock trying to swat a fly."

	Quote:	DanielL
	19. PHONE CALLS THAT LAST LESS THAN A MINUTE - Unlike birds, we get straight to the point. "Alright? Yep. Drink? Red lion? George, it is then. Seven. See ya."

'tis but a flesh wound. Pulling a sickie is strictly for employees.

	Quote:	DanielL
	22. HAVING SOMETHING PROPERLY WRONG WITH YOU - Especially if you didn't make a fuss. "Why was I off, nothing much, just a brain haemorrhage".

dave

20. PARALLEL PARKING - Bosh, straight in. First time. Can Schumacher
do that? No, because his cars got no reverse gear which, technically, makes you the worlds best driver.

Funny
Today lunch time pulled up outside the Fitness centre mate got out looked at my car parked partly in the next bay and commented "You Park like a Bird" he quoted.

Male Humour huh

DC

	Quote:
	7. HAVING A THIN BIT OF WOOD ...

Is that something to be proud of?