Apologies if this has been seen already, but I found it hilarious. I thought i'd post it on here before deleting it from my inbox (it's been sitting there for ages).

Good luck with the test everyone!

>
> ARE YOU SWISS?
> Complete this exciting survey to find out!
>
> You go to buy a shirt for work. Do you choose:
> a) A classic white shirt.
> b) A cool Armani one.
> c) A hideous concoction of grey, purple and red blobs
> with newspaper headlines mixed in.
>
> You're getting ready to go out in the evening.
> Which socks do you wear?
> a) Black ones.
> b) Blue ones.
> c) Old white sports socks pulled up as high as they'll go.
>
> Its summer and you're at work. What footwear do you use?
> a) Trainers.
> b) Normal shoes as usual.
> c) Minging wooden clog sandal things with white socks.
>
> You're walking along a quiet path and another person is coming towards
> you. Do you:
> a) Politely say hello and walk on.
> b) Smile and nod as you pass.
> c) Furtively stare at your white socks and hope they
> don't notice you.
>
> You're riding your motorbike on the autobahn and come across a big
> traffic jam. Do you:
> a) Ride on carefully between the lanes - thats why you bought
> the bike.
> b) Hack through, weaving in and out like a nutter.
> c) Sit there with the other traffic patiently waiting like
> a tosser.
>
> You're out with a girl on the first date and its time to pay for the
> meal. Do you:
> a) Pay all but accept her offer to buy drinks later.
> b) Pay it all and insist on paying for loads of drinks
> to try and get her pissed and laid later.
> c) Tell the waiter you want a complete breakdown of your
> part of the bill and only pay 1/3 of the bottle of wine
> because she drank more than you anyway.
>
> You're out with some non-swiss friends. Its your turn to buy a round.
> Do you:
> a) Ask everyone what they want and go and buy them all.
> b) Automatically get 15 pints in.
> c) Suddenly get up and say you have to catch the last tram home.
>
> You're buying clothes for summer. What colours do you go for?
> a) Anything surf style with bright colours.
> b) Cool pastel shades.
> c) Black.
>
> Theres a big festival in town in 6 months time. Do you:
> a) Continue your social life as normal and go out regularly
> with friends.
> b) Get ratted every night as per usual.
> c) Stay in and save up, the festival will involve having to drink
> up to 3 drinks in one night.
>
> Your idea of a good festival is:
> a) Tons of half naked chicks dancing about in the street.
> b) Getting totally pissed and pulling a biffa.
> c) Getting up at 4am and listening to tuneless ear splitting whistling
> and minging drums played by a bunch of in-bred miserable tossers.
>
> You're socially inadequate and have no friends. To rectify this do
> you:
> a) Go out to the local bar and chat to as many people as you can.
> b) Join a sports club with fit birds in it.
> c) Grow marijuana at home and smoke your bollocks off alone.
>
> You're in the cinema (on Monday 'cos its cheaper). The film is really
> funny with lots of rude jokes. Do you:
> a) Laugh out loud almost pissing yourself.
> b) Laugh out loud and piss yourself.
> c) Sit there silently in disgust and storm out at the
> inevitable 'pause'.
>
> You're in a meeting at work and don't agree with the boss who is
> clearly wrong. Do you:
> a) Speak up and tell him hes a nob in front of everybody.
> b) Stay quiet but see him personally afterwards.
> c) Say nothing and lock yourself in your office as always.
>
> You have to do a piece of work within a week. How long do you take to
> do it?
> a) Do it straight away and chill out for the rest of the week.
> b) Chill out and do it just before the deadline.
> c) Worry and fret and take 18 months to produce a pile of crap.
>
> You're at the hairdressers and need a new hairstyle. Do you choose:
> a) A wicked crop.
> b) The latest nobby pop star look.
> c) A mullet that Kevin Keegan would've been proud of in 1977.
>
> Your girlfriend is pretty awesome looking and you are not. Is she with
> you because:
> a) You're a god in bed.
> b) You've got a great sense of humour.
> c) Her parents know your parents and they got you together when you
> were 16 and she is too anal and dull to consider an
> alternative.
>
> You're out with your wicked girlfriend in a restaurant. Do you:
> a) Hold hands across the table and say romantic and sexy things
> to each other in anticipation of the evening to come.
> b) Make loads of jokes and have a great laugh getting pissed before
> shagging in the alleyway out the back.
> c) Say absolutely nothing and look around the room in a bored manner
> waiting for the breakdown of the bill/last tram home.
>
> You have to say goodbye to some friends in the street. Do you:
> a) Say 'bye' and walk off.
> b) Say 'see you later'.
> c) Say 'adieu mitteinand, tschuss zamma, auf wiederloegen, ciao....'.
>
> You decide to invite some friends round for a party at your place.
> Is it:
> a) A wild orgy of drinking and debauchery.
> b) A huge piss up with mad drinking games and drug taking.
> c) A quiet ( silent!) candlelit dinner followed by orange juice
> and everyone leaving in time for the last tram home.
>
> Its Sunday and you need to wash your clothes. Do you:
> a) Shove 'em in the wash.
> b) Get the missus to shove 'em in the wash.
> c) Do nothing. Its Sunday and its not allowed. You have to wait your
turn
> in 3 weeks time.
>
> Its after 10pm and you need to have a dump and a shower. Do you:
> a) Curl one out and sing loudly in the shower afterwards.
> b) Grunt and groan as the nights kebab stings its way through your
> ringpiece then wash it all off in the shower.
> c) Stinkily lie in bed (at 10) with your legs crossed and wait until
> morning because its not allowed!
>
> You have to go to work in the morning. What time do you get up?
> a) Get up at 8 to get there for 9.
> b) Get up at 9.30 to get there for 10.
> c) Get up at 5.30 to get to work for 6.30 and leave at 16.30.
>
> What do you do after lunch at work?
> a) Slouch in the comfy office chair and get a bit of kip.
> b) Sneak out and go home for a half hour nap.
> c) Brush your teeth in the bogs then continue working on your
> weeks work thats taken 18 months.
>
> You need something for your bad eyesight. Do you:
> a) Get some contact lenses so no one knows you're blind.
> b) Get some wicked glasses that don't look too stupid.
> c) Get some hideous wirey framed monstrosities with coloured
> bits sticking out all over.
>
> You want to move to a different city. Do you:
> a) Pack your stuff up and go.
> b) Arrange a nice place and move in all organised.
> c) Deregister from the canton you're in, notify your heimatsort,
> landlord, police station, register with the new canton, heimatsort
> and landlord and do loads of other anal rule type bollox that keeps
> thousands of white socked twats in work and the unemployment levels
> artificially low.
>
> You go to the pub with your work colleagues on Friday after work.
> Do you:
> a) Stay there and drink until closing time,
> b) Have a few drinks there, then move on somewhere else and continue
> the evening's celebrations,
> c) Have one beer and go straight home.
>
> You're at the pub and someone (non-Swiss) tells a good joke. Do you:
> a) Piss yourself laughing
> b) Laugh and then tell an even better one yourself
> c) Go red in the face and stare at your shoes.
>
> You're invited to someone's place for dinner. Do you bring:
> a) Flowers or a gift for the lady of the house
> b) Lots of booze
> c) Nothing.
>
> You're in your car at the traffic lights. Do you:
> a) Sit there revving the engine until the bloody things change.
> b) Sit there staring at the bird on the bike's wicked arse.
> c) Switch off the engine and contemplate other ways you could
> reduce environmental pollution.
>
> You're driving along the motorway and you're late. Do you:
> a) Floor it and f**k the police, its really important you're not
> late. (must be for a shag)
> b) Speed along at 150kmh knowing that you won't be in too much
> deep shit if you're caught.
> c) Sit in the fast lane at 119kmh because your never late
> and why would anyone want to overtake you or go faster than the
> speed limit?
>
> You're on a 2 lane motorway in the outside lane and someone going much
> faster in a Porsche comes up behind you. Do you:
> a) Pull over and let him past.
> b) Pull over and look jealously at his motor as he passes.
> c) Stay in the outside lane because he shouldn't be breaking the
> speed limit anyway.
>
> You're on a 2 lane motorway (again) in the inside lane and someone
> going much faster in a Porsche comes along the outside lane. Do you:
> a) Stay where you are so he can get past.
> b) Stay where you are and look jealously at his motor as he passes.
> c) Pull out into the outside lane to block him because he shouldn't be
> breaking the speed limit anyway.
>
> You're on a busy tram/bus and and elderly lady is getting on. Do you:
> a) Jump up and help her on the tram and to a seat.
> b) Stand up and offer her your seat as there is nowhere for her to
sit.
> c) Sit on the outside of 2 seats with your bag on the inside seat and
stare
> out of the window making her stand for the entire journey.
>
> You get on a tram/bus in summer and it is stuffy, smells of sweat and
> stale cigarettes. Do you:
> a) Open a window and sit next to it to get some air.
> b) Sit next to an already open window to get some air.
> c) Rudely stamp up and down the bus/tram slamming all the windows shut
> while muttering about the draught.
>
> It's Sunday and your neighbour is washing his/her car on the street.
Do
you:
> a) Wash yours too.
> b) Make a jokey comment saying they can wash yours when they've
finished.
> c) Call the police.
>
> It's Sunday and someone is washing their laundry. Do you:
> a) Ask them to tell you when they've finished so you can do yours.
> b) Don't do anything, who gives a toss.
> c) Leave an anonymous rude note reminding them that doing the laundry
on
> a Sunday is not allowed.
>
> You're in the cinema again (on Monday of course). The 'pause' comes,
> do you:
> a) Think its a stupid waste of time and they should get on with the
film.
> b) Don't like it but at least you can check out the tottie.
> c) Rush out as fast as possible and shakily light up your 47th fag
that
day.
>
> You're in a restaurant and they serve you a big dish of gooey vomit.
Do
> you:
> a) Puke up immediately and rush out.
> b) Shove the waiters head in it and rush out.
> c) Get some bits of bread on the end of a long fork and tuck in
eagerly.
>
> You chat to a wicked looking bird in a bar. After 3 minutes do you:
> a) Realise shes swiss 'cos shes run out of things to say.
> b) Realise shes swiss and try and get her and her bisexual mate to
shag
you.
> c) Think shes really interesting and would be a nice friend.
>
>
>
> If you answered mainly 'c' then you're Swiss. Poor you.
> If you answered mainly 'a' and 'b' then your not. Lucky you.
>
>

Lets bump this one for a good Sunday laugh...

not seen it before, but it's funny cos it's true. literally LOL'd at certain ones!

That my result is A=18 B=8 C=5 is the first thing, and sorry to spoil the joy and fun, the questions are boooooring and in fact I am sure that a majority of Swiss people would have only a small number of Cs with possibly many Bs

This means that the definition on the bottom means that most Swiss are NOT Swiss. In the way of Professor Ziegler "La Suisse n'éxiste pas".

The person who devised these questions either has no sense of humour or a very weird distorted sense of humour

Sorry, beg to differ. Funniest thing I've seen in ages and more than a tad true. But I am sure that you can laugh at yourself too ...

You come across an uncommonly long post on an online forum. Do you:
c) Quote the whole damn thing in your response for no explicable reason

oh stop, toooo funny!

And what a good laugh I had. Thank you!!

I guess back in 2006 the poster couldn't know that many of those things mentioned in that test would come up over and over again on the forum.

Knowing Dan, I guess he could

it's obviously hyperbole but when has that ever gotten in the way of a good laugh? Being half swiss, reading this started an inner turmoil with part of me wanting to lol and the other wanting to groan the OP..... I went and made a sandwich instead.

Well, you possibly are right, but I absolutely doubt it. And the questions ARE boring !

A few of the questions were good and to the point. They simply should have cut the number of questions down and it would have been a good joke.

Worse even that there were some questions which might have been to the point in Germany but not in Switzerland.

To have it with Charlie Chaplin, "good humour is the most serious business on earth"

i think you'd count as swiss if you have 2 or more 'C' answers. i'd also add the following tests:

C. you tried to not choose a 'C' answer based on some loophole or technicality

C. after the test you criticise the quiz for being incorrect/boring/inappropriate

C. after the test you try to rationalise how having more than one or two 'C' answers doesn't mean anything

oh Wolli, stop being so Swiss and lighten up!

The quiz is ultra bloke centric though! no fair!! I didnt get a single C *smug*

Sorry, but I've never read anything so true to the word as this...always love distorted humour! All a) and b) answers made me really homesick...

Yes, but in my opinion the Germans and the Swiss have more than a little in common ...

Sure, but the Germans on the beach are much swifter in placing their towels

What happened to

Answer E: "Well, of course, I'm not really Swiss Swiss, certainly not like all those other Swiss."

?!?!?!? ??

I am proud of whatever they call us. Germany or Switzerland for that matter or much more successful than any of the nations this quiz would compare them to. Why should we care!

Computer said NO !