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Old 03.02.2015, 17:21
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Cambridge CAE. Writing task, need help.

Hi everyone,

I'm a native german speaker and going to do the Cambridge Advanced examination. I have bought a preparation book for self study with keys. But I need some help with the writing task, because I don't know any native speaker who could correct my work. So I have been thinking, that there is a high probability of finding some excellent english speakers on this bulletin board.

I did a writing task out of my CAE preparation book. (EAN: 9781107653511)
Time: 45 minutes. Words: 220-260. Topic: Essay about encouraging young people to study science.

I would be very thankful if someone could have a look on my writing and the mistakes I did. If you are familiar with the Cambridge Advanced you even might be able to give me a feedback on the content and the mark from A to F (A,B,C is for passing) it might score.

My Essay:

Quote:
Why not study science?

How many famous scientists can you name? How many famous pop stars or actors can you name? If you can come up with more answers to the second question, you may belong to the majority of young students. Have you ever heard that someone said in school, that the math teacher was such a cool guy for knowing the differential calculus? I guess not. Science isnít as popular among young students as it should be. To fill up the science classes in college with young talents, the attitude of students towards science must be changed. It should be considered as badass being able crack the complicated equation within a minute. Students should feel the same excitement watching a chemical reaction as watching Ronaldo scoring in major league soccer. But to be realistic, this might never be the case. Still, school and society should focus on making science more attractive to aspiring college graduates. Maybe some advertising is needed. Of course TV spots would be over the top, but some information days about the science courses might be very appreciated by students. On those days it should be the main priority to show, that science can be fun. Also that science isnít just for nerds and last but not least they should be thought about the vast opportunities in professional live, which are waiting for college graduates holding a masterís degree in a science.
Thank you very much in advance for your efforts!
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Old 08.02.2015, 23:32
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Re: Cambridge CAE. Writing task, need help.

just a very high-level run-through. Disclaimer: I'm not sure at what level one is expected to write for the Cambridge CAE, so just some initial thoughts. Good luck!

Quote:
Why not study science?

How many famous scientists can you name? How many famous pop stars or actors can you name? If you can come up with more answers to the second question, you may belong to the majority of young students.

Have you ever heard of ('that' deleted) someone saying ('said in school, ' deleted; note the comma here before 'that' is not needed) that the math teacher was such a cool guy for knowing ('the' deleted) differential calculus? I guess not. Science simply isnít as popular among young students as it should be. However, in order to fill up ('the' deleted) science classes in college with young talents, the attitude of students towards science must be changed.

It should be considered as badass being able crack the complicated equation within a minute. (this sentence needs rewriting, but I'm too tired to think at this moment) Students should have ('feel' deleted) the same excitement watching a chemical reaction as if they were watching Ronaldo ('scoring' deleted) in major league soccer. Realistically, ('But to be realistic' deleted), this might never be the case. Nevertheless ('Still' deleted), school and society should still focus on making science more attractive to aspiring college graduates. Perhaps ('Maybe' deleted) some advertising is needed. Of course TV spots would be over the top, but some information days about the science courses might be much ('very' is incorrect) appreciated by the students. ('On those days' moved) It should be the main priority on those days to show (',' deleted, this is a "german comma"!) that science can be fun, too and ('. Also' deleted) that science isnít just for nerds. ('and' deleted) Last but not least, they should be thought about the vast opportunities in professional live (this needs rewriting; I can't quite follow what "they" is referring to here), which are waiting for college graduates holding a masterís degree in a science.
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Old 22.02.2015, 00:53
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Re: Cambridge CAE. Writing task, need help.

Hello,

I have taught CAE exam prep classes in the past and I just wanted to let you know that there is some potential. However, there is also some work to be done. Paragraphs are mandatory and it does look short as two wouldn't cut it. I could analyze this with you more if you wish. PM me.

Good Luck!
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Old 22.02.2015, 07:33
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Re: Cambridge CAE. Writing task, need help.

This is just correcting errors - not style.

Quote:
How many famous scientists can you name? How many famous pop stars or actors can you name? If you can come up with more answers to the second question, you may belong to the majority of young students. Have you ever heard that someone said in school say that the math teacher was such a cool guy for knowing the differential calculus? I guess not. Science isn’t as popular among young students as it should be. To fill up the science classes in college with young talents, the attitude of students towards science must be changed. It should be considered as badass being to be able to crack the a complicated equation within a minute. Students should feel the same excitement watching a chemical reaction as watching Ronaldo scoring in major league soccer. But to be realistic, this might never be the case. Still, school and society should focus on making science more attractive to aspiring college graduates. Maybe some advertising is needed. Of course TV spots would be over the top, but some information days about the science courses might be very appreciated by students. On those days it should be the main priority to show , that science can be fun,. Also that science isn’t just for nerds and, last but not least they should be thought about the vast opportunities in professional live, which are waiting for college graduates holding a master’s degree in a science.
That last section needs to be entirely reworked, as it doesn't connect with "On those days it should be the main priority to show...".

English uses fewer commas than German.
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