I occasionally bump into my former-future-mother-in-law, whom I see no more than once a year.

When I was still affianced to her daughter, she invited me to address her by her first name, and to use 'du' when speaking to her.

The situation changed, and she is no longer my future-mother-in-law, although we have always got on perfectly well on those occasions when we have met (I still meet my former-future-brother-in-law quite regularly for a pint, and we continue to du each other, as we always did).

My question is: Does the use of 'du' have a time limit, if you don't see the person who duzened you very often?

slow day ?

I should think it is very very difficult if not even impossible to take back a "Du".

Unthinkable !!! Unheard of !!!

(... sorry, I suddenly hear Tevye from Fiddler on the Roof having one of his outbursts in my head ... )

Well, if you fall out with a German or a Swiss they might revert back to Sie but that would be extremely rude. It's always easier to say "Du arsch" rather then Sie arsch anyway :-)

No, not really. But people's memories being what they are, one can forget that one was "per Du" with an acquaintance after a period of no contact.

This uncomfortable problem of Sie/Du is quickly resolved after the fifth Weiss Bier..

As to the hells-gate-mother-in-law (Schwierigermutter), I am sure a cup of tea would suffice.



L.

If she suddenly starts saying "Sie" to you then the former-future-mother-in-law has now classified you as the out-law..

There is no rational answer to your question. It is an emotional response. If both of you fell comfortable with "Du" then good.

What is your former-future-brother-in-law's opinion?

I never thought to ask - but you're right, maybe I should!

Yeah, do ask him. He will have a good laugh After all the beers you shared, no way he'll take the Du back, just no way !!!

Look at her package. What does the label say?

More a case of "use it, or lose it".

I would say switching to "Sie" would be rather odd after having been told you could "du" her. In fact, suddenly referring to her in such a formal manner come across as giving her the cold shoulder. It just creates an obvious, awkward distance. Just because things did not work out with the ex future fiancee does not call for an expiration date to the "du."

"older" women have been known to do this...
especially if they consider themselves "of a better class"( snobs?)

because of the rules of "who is allowed to du first",
(the woman asks the man, the older asks the younger, the boss asks the pleb, etc) you lose out on all counts

she may also just be doing this out of loyalty to her daughter.

"i no longer know you well enough to *du*"

have another pint and dont worry about it.

...or you could just hide behind a bush next time you unexpectedly see her and avoid the dilemma.

Schwierigermutter >>> you know how to play with words alright !!!

But all this belongs to old Russian ladies myths by now does it not ... hells gate ... has one words

I wouldn't worry about it Mr Breakfast. If a Du is "withdrawn" then I believe it's akin to "If I ever see you again in my lifetime it will be too soon". Therefore if this happens you probably won't be using Sie either.

Just carry on Du-ing each other

Quiteso. The Russians drink even more tea than the Irish..


L.

Just to clarify: My former-future-mother-in-law is a lovely woman, who was very kind to me when I first arrived in Switzerland in somewhat difficult (for me, and embarrassing for her) circumstances.

I was actually with my delicious learned companion the last time I bumped into her at a chilbi, and she seemed very pleased to meet us both.

It was just because I hadn't seen her for so long (since the previous chilbi a year before) that I wasn't sure which personal pronoun to use.

As suggested, I'll have a chat with my former-future-brother-in-law next time I meet him for a pint, and ask what the situation would be.

There's certainly no bad blood between me and the family, and never was. They're a lovely bunch! Just a shame about the daughter...

I've formally done it with German colleagues who way overstep the mark, generally in the same patronising finger-wagging tones they employed with me twenty seconds beforehand. It went down very badly.

If you feel like going nose-to-nose with your ffmil and shouting out at the top of your voice "Somebody shat on the ground and the sun hatched you out" then you might consider switching to Sie instead.

It's all water under the bridge (or water off a duck's back?).

You almost said I 'du' and then she didn't. Don't now.


(Tsk, DB, you don't have a problem; they love you still and you them. Status quo and doobeedoobeedu, etc.)

*caffeine-charged typing*