Here my contribution:

I'm saying to my mate (who nearly died of laughter)...

It feels like Hedgehog Day (Groundhog of course!)

Other one... Same mate and his german girlfriend are doing an IQ-Test... Question being: Which of those 4 animals is the odd one out? Giraffe, Kangaroo, Donkey or Elephant? (Kangaroo, 2 legs, right answer)

Girlfriend answers Donkey... Mate asks why? She says: 'Because donkeys are the only ones that can climb up trees' (Monkeys maybe? Lol)

how much do I "own" you ?

"God shave the Queen!"

I have the impression that this is well known as a mistake amongst the Swiss, as I've lost count of the times they've told me it.

But that's how the top army brass DO say it .

"Stem saam" - agree. Most swiss people speak two or more languages fluently.

Only native English speakers can get the English "th" sound right. It is especially noticeable when followed by an "s". Try getting a non-English person to say "six months ago" and you will see what I mean.

Use and Misuse favorites:
Easy (in place of relax)
Sensible (in place of sensitive)
Meaning (in place of opinion)
Funny (in place of fun)
and the fun/funny of translating the english word to pretend (imaginatively) into German in any given situation

Ok, mine is more of a reading thing since I joined EF. I can't get over using an "s" in place of a "z". Such as in realize, not realise. Or my favorite Organisation instead of organization. There are others too. Since that thing is true about how our brains do not read the whole words, but yet the first and last letters, and look at the shape of the word. http://www.brainconnection.com/content/198_1 Because of that, I sometimes read the wrong word. Sometimes, they become not so appropriate words in my brain. I'll get used to it eventually. Although this thread is making me not want to learn French.

Words used by Swiss which come out wrong? My own name---> Paul...!!!

Every time I meet a Swiss it takes me 5 minutes to explain to them why I don't like my name to be pronounced in German. I tell them, no, I'm not your "pal" (like in pen pal). Most of the guys at work do call me "Paul" but there are a few that just can't get it into their heads how to say "Paul" and continue to say "Pal". One of those very same guys was online looking at e-bay one day and asked me if I could help him to understand how to use the paying system called "Pay Paul". I said STOP, I am "PAUL" and that is "Pay PAL". There was another 5 minute explanation on how to pronounce my name but the very next day he called me "Pal" again...

grrrrrrrrrrrr.....!!!!

Heh. I'm 'Grec' to all of my swiss family and friends. It's extremely funny when I see that they've written it down that way. ;-)

George...?

Favourite misunderstanding (by an English person)
My Swiss friend saying: Mer treffed ois am saegsi.Also am saegsi.
Her UK spouse understanding: ...Also I'm s*xy.
He didn't understand why she would need to mention this specifically...

I think its cute when I hear about the hairs on peoples heads.
The french speakers use the plural, as in french.

Also, I was asking someone where the "météo" was, meaning weather, when I meant to ask where the metro was.

As I only speak very basic 'schoolboy' French and a few words of German, I certainly wouldn't critisise the occasional mistake.

During my visits to Switzerland, I have heard one regularly repeated misuse of English: being called 'Mister' rather than the more usual 'Sir'. "Can I get you anything else Mister". This doesn't particularly bother me, and I have no ambitions to become a Knight of the Realm.

I guess that this derives from literal translation. As one post mentioned, the Engligh language is full of many illogical phrases.

If my mastery of other languages (and English) was half as good as most Swiss residents mastery of several languages I would be very contented.

I believe that Swiss Germans use "sorry" as a Schwiizerdütsch word often meaning "excuse me". Having lived in Zurich for 5+ years, I can't get rid of the bad habit of using "sorry" when addressing someone to ask him/her a question...

'Donkey' and 'monkey' do sound very similar, only one consonant's difference. Or maybe the words in German are similar? Back in December, a German-speaker was telling me about St Nicholas' Day and told me something about riding a monkey.

Funny enough, I met some some American friends in Paris last week and one of them (fluent in French) corrected me when I said <pardon> and 'sorry' as I made my way through a crowd of tourists. She said the English equivalent is 'excuse me' and I agreed, but I defended myself saying that 'sorry' is one of the few broken English words almost everyone understands. I think I picked up the habit during my time in East Asia.

The classic, the one and only, the best of the very best is;

"Dick 'eads (Tickets) jetzt erhätlich ab sofort":msn sick:

I love telling my Swiss friends what this really means..

BLUEBALLS FESTIVAL

and the name of the first band listed is... Swinger Club
(what a way to dust off those Blueballs)

My daughter who is half German and goes to a German school would always tell me. (this is when she was about 7 or 8 yrs)

"Papa I'm boring" I would reply back "yes honey I know your boring"
she always would get a laugh out if it too after we let her in on the secret!