Not sure where I should post this so thought I'd post it in General/Other (mods feel free to move it if you feel it belongs elsewhere)

My work colleague had been dating a guy but they broke up a few months ago. Since then he's been constantly bombarding her with phone calls, emails etc. She's had to block his emails as she was getting so many of them and receiving them was upsetting her (I advised her just to block them so at least she wouldn't have them waiting in her inbox). She had been just about coping with screening her calls etc and not responding to his SMS messages and then last night happened......

She was at the train station and bumped into him. He got very aggressive with her and was shouting at her and trying to drag her along with him. Some random guy had to intervene and drag him off her. She's now absolutely terrified and worried about staying in her apartment in case he comes over so she's arranged to stay with a friend for a few days. Is there anything she can do and is it worth her reporting him to the police etc?

Any advice that I can pass on would be great!

Thanks

I would definately report it to the police. She should also write a diary and keep any e-mails she has. Anything that builds evidence against the muppet when you go to the police.

Is pepper spray legal to own in Switzerland?

Guns are so I suppose it's a possiblilty. One dose of that should be enough to get the message.

Not sure about the law, but I'd hire a large male friend for the evening make sure I bumped into him and asked the friend to say a few quiet words in the idiots ear.

Jemma, I'm very sad to read about this, but there is something she can do. Stalking and harrassment are explicitly included in Zurich's new domestic violence law, which went into effect in April. The law defines domestic violence as any violation of a person's physical, sexual and psychological integrity, be it bodily harm or other forms or harrassment. Link to canton of Zurich's web site below (in German):

http://www.kapo.zh.ch/internet/ds/ka...ntern/GSG.html

She should definitely report last night's incident immediately, and obviously include the details of the texts, phone calls, emails and other messages she has been getting from him.

If she's reluctant to report it, there is a email address and phone number for the police's Fachstelle against domestic violence on the web site - perhaps they can help with outlining what she can do.

Hi Jemma,
Your friend should also call the Beratungsstelle Nottelefon für Frauen. Tel: 044 291 46 46. Open Mon-Fri from 10-18:30. Langstr. 14, 8004 Zurich. I don't know if they speak English.
Just curious, but is this "stalker guy" Swiss?

Thanks for the number will pass that on!

Yes he's Swiss... was trying to avoid getting into the nationality thing as didn't want to imply that all Swiss men were weirdos!

Not weirdos but certainly very disrespectful of a womans personal space as far as my experiences go. Give them a couple of pints and they suddenly start grabbing... I have had to come to the rescue of female colleagues on numerous occasions placing myself in the firing line of guys who then want to fight....luckily I'm big, black and speak german

My husband is Swiss and is a self-confessed weirdo . Oh, and I've taught him the intricacies of "personal space".

Similar thing happened in Basel last week with x2 guys hitting on a couple of girls that weren't interested.

I just stood in the middle and looked down at them. Swiss males seem smaller than me in the main for some reason

You have a choice, try pushing me out of the way and risk my temper (I have a short fuse with this sort of thing) or back off. I tend to break my knuckles with my initial response

It's a total lack of respect, women aren't a lump of meat. I see it time and time again in the UK <sigh>

If they're interested you get a smile, or they'll come over. There's nothing wrong with offering a drink, if she says no thanks just walk away. have a good night etc etc. They just don't understand "NO" these guys.

I just don't get it, what's up with them? Does the technique actually ever work?

i have my own pet theory on this, the swiss (german-swiss anyways) seem to be very well travelled to me. Certainly, such behaviour does go down well with the lades in certain countries (thailand, brazil etc).... what they don't seem to get is such behaviour doesn't apply here and they consistently only seem to forget this when drunk.

Known to be a knuckle cruncher myself, it is a real fear that i will get myself into uneccessary sh*te at some point during my stay here. Mate of mine was arrested recently for defending himself against 7 swiss in a bar... no questions asked by the cops and no consequences for his attackers

Hey Mr. DnAman,

This subject on Swiss guys is getting out-of-hand. The problem with this girl's "Swiss ex" was not because of being DRUNK. Stalking someone is something quite different. I really hope that Jemma's friend gets the support she needs from the useful infos everyone else provided.

As for Swiss guys being "aggressive" after having a few "whatevers", I would say it's same all over and not just Switzerland. OK, I must admit I'm out of that scene 20+ years but I just asked my 18 year-old daughter if stuff like that happens where she hangs out. She - nor her friends - have had that kind of aggressivness used against them - but then again they are 18.

I worry about getting busted at some point too, so far all as been peaceful. Just for fun the guys I was refering too were Croats.

Big, black and speak German. Hahahaha, I'll give you a ring if I have any problems in Switzerland.

To be fair, the OP didn't mention either way whether the ex boyfriend was drunk or not.

Two weeks ago I went out to this club and this mediterrenean looking guy ran his finger down my back so I slapped his hand away. I turned around and told him not to do that.

So I went back to dancing and he suddenly came up behind my back and hugged me and tried to put me in a headlock. Is that sexy or what? So I took a hold of his arm and twisted it. He walked away in agony.

Some sticky men like the guy who harassed your friend need someone to get physical with them. Your friend should take some self defense classes.

Unfortunately, that could land you in trouble - you should report people like that to the bar staff or the heavy blokes on the doors. Alternatively, you could seductively whisper to the "sticky guy" that you should tell him you have had something err.. itchy.. but with the cream you've got it's almost cleared up now. See how long he "sticks" around after that .

He was NOT drunk!

Please can we not turn this thread into some kind of men bashing thread! Whilst I do appreciate that my original post may generate some "healthy" discussion on what is and isn't acceptable behaviour when a woman (or man) isn't interested I don't want this post to turn into forum members point scoring over other forum members! Thats not to say I want to discourage any genuine debate but lets please at least keep the debate objective!

An update on the situation for those interested. I have just spoken with my friend and she has spoken with the man in question and told him that if he continues down this line of harassment then she will have no option but to contact the police. Hopefully this will be enough to discourage him from any further contact with her. She feels dreadful and like shes maybe over reacting but as I and some other friends have told her she needs to nip this in the bud now before it gets any worse.

For all of those that have offered support, links to websites, tel numbers and PM's with offers of help I would like to say thanks ever so much. Hopefully her threat of reporting him will be enough to wake him up that she is taking this matter seriously and there will be no need for any further action on her part!

thanks again

Jemma

Troubles worth it as bets are on these guys have annoyed a good proportion of the female members of the club by now. I rarely get involved but when I do it's for a good cause.

I prefer the throw the punch quickly pick up my beer and carry on as if nothing has happened What me? You must be kidding? <innocent face>

Trouble is you have to down them on the first punch otherwise the bouncers get involved and it gets messy.

Best one I saw was a girl in Newcastle grab a guy by the balls and proceeded to crush them for a couple of minutes in her clenched hand, seemed to work.

It could only get you in trouble if a fight breaks out. One time at club this Pakistani guy was all slimy and I told him I am not interested in him and I said that in a polite tone. So he said he is going to punch me. I went to the bouncers and told them about this. But if he had went ahead and tried to punch me, I would have defended myself. Are saying that women should ask the harasser to wait with their "punches and kicks" so they can fetch the bouncers?

Conversation:
Girl: I don't want to talk to you
Guy throws a punch.
Girl: Can you hold on a second? I am going to get the bouncers. We'll get back to the punching and kicking once the bouncers get here.

Apologies if this offends you, i call it like i see it. Maybe I should not have taken this opportunity to point out what i see as a serious flaw with the males here (what i describe is not ONE isolated incident but many over the last four years and always involves swiss men).

True that drunk = aggressive the world over, but to women .... i would say not (and i use the term aggressive loosely) and have found it surprising to find such behaviour here.

Anyways agreed that i didn't want to turn this into a swiss-bashing affair and wish Jemmas friend manages to sort this out (though it doesn't read like she's gone to the cops yet )

Hang on, in your earlier post "sticky bloke" was only running a finger up your spine - where did the punch come from?? My post was to say if you start getting into fisticuffs with people who are just being plain obnoxious Swiss law will probably take a dim view of it and you'll be the one in trouble.

Unless, of course, you can do it between sips of a drink like Cata1yst .