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Old 25.03.2015, 02:32
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totally sadness and confusing

Iīve a different experience today after of several years that I donīt pass it.
Well, I come to loose my brother, Heīs gone in this early morning. I was preparing to work when I had this bad news, so in the moment Iīve got many reactions between sadness until rage and indifference too.
I battle every day to help my family īcause we have a handicap mother after a CVA since 20 years or more. My life is reduced in working, in studying and in helping my brothers and sisters to take care my mother. Thatīs my familiar contract since I arrived from abroad: to help to take care my mother.
My brother was a weak person, he drunk too much and finaly the alchool wins this battle.
For tomorrow, I promise my mother to leave her to her son burial. I do for her, not for me. Iīve many writing reports to present tomorrow in the university, but in this case I changed my ideas.
In this case? Where is the weakness in this history? I cannot cry, Iīm so indifferent, I look at in this moment the emptiness.
Between the death and the life, my experience was the lost of my babies when I was pregnant. All of them was caused by natural abortions. I had two kinds of pain: the lost and the painful and distressing.
In this all day, I heard my cries mother for loosing her son.
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Old 25.03.2015, 02:51
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Re: totally sadness and confusing

Oh spitch,

I am so so sorry for your loss.

It is normal to feel empty, just as normal as it is to cry, rage, or go completely silent in the face of death. You're not weak in the slightest.
No matter what your brother did or didn't do during his lifetime, nothing renders the emotions you feel now unworthy. Helping your siblings take care of your mom is a huge feat, one which takes energy and strength. Whatever you decide to do now, be it attendance at the burial, helping your mom or attending uni, nothing is wrong and don't let anybody tell you so either. If you decide to go to work, please let people know that you might go home early and to just let you be today, so as not to put even more pressure on yourself. And if you go to the funeral, remember that you're not in any way required to do what people expect of you. Be yourself, do what you feel is right in the moment, and feel free to leave when things become overwhelming.

I don't know any kind words to heal the hurt of the absolutely heartbreaking loss of your babies, I don't think there are any. What I can offer you is a place in my thoughts tonight and tomorrow.



Please take care and let us know if we can do anything to help.
Again, I'm so, so sorry.
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Old 25.03.2015, 03:18
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Re: totally sadness and confusing

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Oh spitch,

I am so so sorry for your loss.

It is normal to feel empty, just as normal as it is to cry, rage, or go completely silent in the face of death. You're not weak in the slightest.
No matter what your brother did or didn't do during his lifetime, nothing renders the emotions you feel now unworthy. Helping your siblings take care of your mom is a huge feat, one which takes energy and strength. Whatever you decide to do now, be it attendance at the burial, helping your mom or attending uni, nothing is wrong and don't let anybody tell you so either. If you decide to go to work, please let people know that you might go home early and to just let you be today, so as not to put even more pressure on yourself. And if you go to the funeral, remember that you're not in any way required to do what people expect of you. Be yourself, do what you feel is right in the moment, and feel free to leave when things become overwhelming.

I don't know any kind words to heal the hurt of the absolutely heartbreaking loss of your babies, I don't think there are any. What I can offer you is a place in my thoughts tonight and tomorrow.



Please take care and let us know if we can do anything to help.
Again, I'm so, so sorry.
Thanks so much, Glowjupiter!!!! Thatīs really touched me. I need it in this moment! I think my indiffirence is to be stronger, thatīs it! I try to do the better as much as possible. My weakness mother requires my force.

Thanks really! a nice day for you.
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Old 25.03.2015, 03:25
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Re: totally sadness and confusing

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Thanks so much, Glowjupiter!!!! Thatīs really touched me. I need it in this moment! I think my indiffirence is to be stronger, thatīs it! I try to do the better as much as possible. My weakness mother requires my force.

Thanks really! a nice day for you.
Thanks for the kind words. Indifference can indeed be a way to get through hard times, and remember that you absolutely should not feel ashamed or in need of justification of that in any way. It's your way of dealing with things right now and remember, no one is a robot and can "make" themselves feel a certain way.

Again, I must commend you for wanting to be there for your mom despite your personal situation. Please do not forget, however, to take care of yourself as well or, if you're unable to do so, to have others take care of you. It is not selfish at all to ask for help and I'm sure people will be there for you, out in the real world as well as here on the EF.

Have a safe day and take care.
glowjupiter
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Old 25.03.2015, 08:54
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Re: totally sadness and confusing

Condolences to you and your family.
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Old 25.03.2015, 10:03
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Re: totally sadness and confusing

I am so so sorry for your loss. Most of us here know what it is like to try and care for parents living a long way away- it is so hard. And to see them being hurt by the behaviour of other sibblings too. My heart goes to you- that you find the strengh to go on with your studies, as this will open so many doors for you.
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Old 25.03.2015, 10:31
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Re: totally sadness and confusing

I just read your many posts in the "I smiled because..." thread, OP, and would like to thank you for those posts, they brought a smile to my face.
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Old 25.03.2015, 21:28
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Re: totally sadness and confusing

Hey everybody!!!!
Itīs so cute to read all these confortable posts. Itīs really touched me, makes me cry and makes me believe in this world, even if the distance, we can count on people in a delicate moment. When I was there, I thought every posted word in here, I swear, in my silence among people in there.
I felt too much the my mom loss when she was in front of her death son in the first time, in this morning, in the bural. God! It was so hard to see it: the pain of a mother when she lost her son!!!


Thank soooo mmuuuuucchhh everybody in here.

Last edited by [spitch]; 25.03.2015 at 22:12.
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