Go Back   English Forum Switzerland > Help & tips > Other/general
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 15.04.2015, 20:17
Newbie 1st class
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Zurich
Posts: 25
Groaned at 0 Times in 0 Posts
Thanked 6 Times in 2 Posts
strudel2014 has no particular reputation at present
Anyone else a working widow and need to vent

Moved over with my Husband for his work and i feel like i am a working widow ! Thank god for the dog ! x

Last edited by strudel2014; 15.04.2015 at 20:50.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 15.04.2015, 20:27
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Geneva
Posts: 1,070
Groaned at 15 Times in 12 Posts
Thanked 1,259 Times in 554 Posts
neddy has an excellent reputationneddy has an excellent reputationneddy has an excellent reputationneddy has an excellent reputation
Re: Anyone else a working window and need to vent

Assume that's an auto correct for widow & that you are not doing strange gymnastics to pivot & swing?
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank neddy for this useful post:
  #3  
Old 15.04.2015, 20:41
Newbie 1st class
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Zurich
Posts: 25
Groaned at 0 Times in 0 Posts
Thanked 6 Times in 2 Posts
strudel2014 has no particular reputation at present
Re: Anyone else a working widow and need to vent

Ha ha defiantly not a working Window x
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 15.04.2015, 20:44
J.Marple's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Wynental
Posts: 2,059
Groaned at 33 Times in 28 Posts
Thanked 4,575 Times in 1,516 Posts
J.Marple has a reputation beyond reputeJ.Marple has a reputation beyond reputeJ.Marple has a reputation beyond reputeJ.Marple has a reputation beyond reputeJ.Marple has a reputation beyond reputeJ.Marple has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Anyone else a working widow and need to vent

Quote:
View Post
Ha ha defiantly not a working Window x
Please, don't correct it. It's a lovely title.

Even windows have to vent
Reply With Quote
The following 12 users would like to thank J.Marple for this useful post:
  #5  
Old 15.04.2015, 20:49
hannah'sauntie's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Baden
Posts: 4,372
Groaned at 25 Times in 23 Posts
Thanked 5,887 Times in 2,674 Posts
hannah'sauntie has a reputation beyond reputehannah'sauntie has a reputation beyond reputehannah'sauntie has a reputation beyond reputehannah'sauntie has a reputation beyond reputehannah'sauntie has a reputation beyond reputehannah'sauntie has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Anyone else a working window and need to vent

Is good you are being open with us. Or is there a catch?
Reply With Quote
The following 10 users would like to thank hannah'sauntie for this useful post:
  #6  
Old 15.04.2015, 20:52
st2lemans's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Lugano
Posts: 18,143
Groaned at 926 Times in 722 Posts
Thanked 19,732 Times in 9,480 Posts
st2lemans has a reputation beyond reputest2lemans has a reputation beyond reputest2lemans has a reputation beyond reputest2lemans has a reputation beyond reputest2lemans has a reputation beyond reputest2lemans has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Anyone else a working widow and need to vent

I was a working widower for many years until I remarried.

Tom
Reply With Quote
The following 3 users would like to thank st2lemans for this useful post:
  #7  
Old 16.04.2015, 07:56
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: SZ
Posts: 7,617
Groaned at 18 Times in 17 Posts
Thanked 15,926 Times in 5,233 Posts
meloncollie has a reputation beyond reputemeloncollie has a reputation beyond reputemeloncollie has a reputation beyond reputemeloncollie has a reputation beyond reputemeloncollie has a reputation beyond reputemeloncollie has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Anyone else a working widow and need to vent

Quote:
View Post
Moved over with my Husband for his work and i feel like i am a working widow ! Thank god for the dog ! x
Do you think the problem is that your husband's work commitment changed with the move to Switzerland, or is it that you no longer have the career, routines, friendships, activities, the busy life that you had at home, and so are now feeling more alone?

I'm making an assumption based on your post that your husband's career drove this move, so forgive me if I'm wrong...

One of the difficulties that some 'trailing spouses' face is the disconnect between expectations of what life would be like in Switzerland based on what is supposedly common here, and one's own reality.

Yes, in general many employees in Switzerland work short(er) days and take more holiday time, a great deal of public emphasis is placed on recreation, on time away from work. But for those in certain positions of responsibility the 24/7 commitment is as common in Switzerland as it is in the rest of the world.

With time you either re-establish your own career or find another niche for yourself. If you are facing language or social barriers here that you are not accustomed to facing at home it does at first seem daunting. Yes, it often takes more time than you had expected to find your feet here, to create a life for yourself independent of your husband. But take heart - eventually you'll find that niche, as have most of us who were in similar situations.

What are your goals for your time in Switzerland? Perhaps if you post a bit more about what you are looking for we can come up with some suggestions that might help with the adjustment process.

Wishing you all the best...
Reply With Quote
The following 12 users would like to thank meloncollie for this useful post:
  #8  
Old 16.04.2015, 12:28
Newbie 1st class
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Zurich
Posts: 25
Groaned at 0 Times in 0 Posts
Thanked 6 Times in 2 Posts
strudel2014 has no particular reputation at present
Re: Anyone else a working widow and need to vent

Hi yes i would say my husband's work commitment changed with the move to Switzerland, as well as the fact i had to leave my career ( i was head of Drama at a school in the UK and finding in hard to find a position that is in line with my experience) .

We moved as my husband got a promotion and most days he leaves the house at 6:15 and gets in at 9/10

I think some of yesterdays rant is pregnancy hormones , just struggling to find a niche for myself , i thought of childcare during the afternoons or supply teaching however being pregnant ...... this may be challenging.

Thanks so much for taking the time to post such a helpful reply.
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank strudel2014 for this useful post:
  #9  
Old 16.04.2015, 12:50
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Geneva
Posts: 38
Groaned at 0 Times in 0 Posts
Thanked 11 Times in 8 Posts
Reyna has no particular reputation at present
Re: Anyone else a working widow and need to vent

When your baby comes along, you will still be on your own for 15 hours a day?
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank Reyna for this useful post:
  #10  
Old 16.04.2015, 13:13
Newbie 1st class
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Zurich
Posts: 25
Groaned at 0 Times in 0 Posts
Thanked 6 Times in 2 Posts
strudel2014 has no particular reputation at present
Re: Anyone else a working widow and need to vent

Quote:
View Post
When your baby comes along, you will still be on your own for 15 hours a day?
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 16.04.2015, 13:30
FuriousRose's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: nearby the lake
Posts: 849
Groaned at 21 Times in 17 Posts
Thanked 890 Times in 424 Posts
FuriousRose has a reputation beyond reputeFuriousRose has a reputation beyond reputeFuriousRose has a reputation beyond reputeFuriousRose has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Anyone else a working widow and need to vent

Quote:
View Post
Hi yes i would say my husband's work commitment changed with the move to Switzerland, as well as the fact i had to leave my career ( i was head of Drama at a school in the UK and finding in hard to find a position that is in line with my experience) .

We moved as my husband got a promotion and most days he leaves the house at 6:15 and gets in at 9/10

I think some of yesterdays rant is pregnancy hormones , just struggling to find a niche for myself , i thought of childcare during the afternoons or supply teaching however being pregnant ...... this may be challenging.

Thanks so much for taking the time to post such a helpful reply.
Maybe signing up to some language classes? Usually the homework will keep someone busy
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank FuriousRose for this useful post:
  #12  
Old 16.04.2015, 13:54
Clumsy Maman's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Kt Zurich
Posts: 701
Groaned at 9 Times in 6 Posts
Thanked 934 Times in 420 Posts
Clumsy Maman has a reputation beyond reputeClumsy Maman has a reputation beyond reputeClumsy Maman has a reputation beyond reputeClumsy Maman has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Anyone else a working widow and need to vent

And with a baby on the way, you'll have yourself busy, and it will be easier to meet other people who also have kids.

Wish you a good pregnancy and hope you get to spend some relaxing time with your OH, before the baby is here.
Reply With Quote
The following 2 users would like to thank Clumsy Maman for this useful post:
  #13  
Old 16.04.2015, 15:54
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Geneva
Posts: 1,070
Groaned at 15 Times in 12 Posts
Thanked 1,259 Times in 554 Posts
neddy has an excellent reputationneddy has an excellent reputationneddy has an excellent reputationneddy has an excellent reputation
Re: Anyone else a working widow and need to vent

I would say start by finding the local midwives place. They may have groups there where you'll meet a few people in the same condition & will find things in common as time goes by.
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank neddy for this useful post:
  #14  
Old 23.04.2015, 00:48
Nelita's Avatar
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Uster
Posts: 40
Groaned at 0 Times in 0 Posts
Thanked 13 Times in 10 Posts
Nelita has no particular reputation at present
Re: Anyone else a working widow and need to vent

Quote:
View Post
There is a thread named 'Stay-at-Home Spouses [unemployed, depressed, bored to tears]'. I went to read some of the comments because I am also a "stay-at-home Spouse". You can find many different opinions/advices/points of view there. Good luck!
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 23.04.2015, 10:37
3Wishes's Avatar
Moderately Amused
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Bern area
Posts: 6,524
Groaned at 43 Times in 39 Posts
Thanked 9,173 Times in 4,358 Posts
3Wishes has a reputation beyond repute3Wishes has a reputation beyond repute3Wishes has a reputation beyond repute3Wishes has a reputation beyond repute3Wishes has a reputation beyond repute3Wishes has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Anyone else a working widow and need to vent

Quote:
View Post
There is a thread named 'Stay-at-Home Spouses [unemployed, depressed, bored to tears]'. I went to read some of the comments because I am also a "stay-at-home Spouse". You can find many different opinions/advices/points of view there. Good luck!
Here's the thread:
Stay-at-Home Spouses [unemployed, depressed, bored to tears]
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 23.04.2015, 10:47
coconut's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Zurichberg
Posts: 720
Groaned at 15 Times in 13 Posts
Thanked 985 Times in 397 Posts
coconut has a reputation beyond reputecoconut has a reputation beyond reputecoconut has a reputation beyond reputecoconut has a reputation beyond reputecoconut has a reputation beyond reputecoconut has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Anyone else a working widow and need to vent

Come for a pedicure and a nice talk, my treat
Im serious! lets pamper those pregnant feet

Kali
Reply With Quote
The following 2 users would like to thank coconut for this useful post:
  #17  
Old 23.04.2015, 11:42
crazykittylady's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Glatt
Posts: 770
Groaned at 117 Times in 68 Posts
Thanked 687 Times in 341 Posts
crazykittylady has a reputation beyond reputecrazykittylady has a reputation beyond reputecrazykittylady has a reputation beyond reputecrazykittylady has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Anyone else a working widow and need to vent

Quote:
View Post
When your baby comes along, you will still be on your own for 15 hours a day?
Isn't it wonderful how men can be considered decent fathers by being away from home 15 hours per day?

I wish women had the same luxury.
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 23.04.2015, 11:56
Clumsy Maman's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Kt Zurich
Posts: 701
Groaned at 9 Times in 6 Posts
Thanked 934 Times in 420 Posts
Clumsy Maman has a reputation beyond reputeClumsy Maman has a reputation beyond reputeClumsy Maman has a reputation beyond reputeClumsy Maman has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Anyone else a working widow and need to vent

Quote:
View Post
Isn't it wonderful how men can be considered decent fathers by being away from home 15 hours per day?

I wish women had the same luxury.
In my circle, a father who spent that kind of time away from his kids would be considered anything but a decent father. Times have changed - just as women want to go out and work, similarly fathers want to spend more time with their kids - perhaps to compensate for the funtime they themselves had (or lack thereof) when they were kids.
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 23.04.2015, 13:05
Principia Discordia's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Züri Unterland
Posts: 1,060
Groaned at 69 Times in 41 Posts
Thanked 2,104 Times in 647 Posts
Principia Discordia has a reputation beyond reputePrincipia Discordia has a reputation beyond reputePrincipia Discordia has a reputation beyond reputePrincipia Discordia has a reputation beyond reputePrincipia Discordia has a reputation beyond reputePrincipia Discordia has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Anyone else a working widow and need to vent

Quote:
View Post
Isn't it wonderful how men can be considered decent fathers by being away from home 15 hours per day?

I wish women had the same luxury.

Yeah, working 15 hours a day is fantastic, much better than being with family, right?


Fortunately my work/life balance is probably about as good as it gets for someone who has to work full time and my only 15 hour days were in my childless 20s, and now only once or twice a year in the worst case, but you don't know this persons circumstances or why they have to work as much as they do so maybe you should ease up on the uniformed assumptions. Assuming a father who works 15 hours a day is automatically a bad father is as dumb as assuming a working mom who's kid is in day care is a lousy mother.
__________________
SANA/Swiss fishing tests, guided fishing trips, fly tying courses, and more, all in English: www.firebelly.ch
Reply With Quote
The following 5 users would like to thank Principia Discordia for this useful post:
  #20  
Old 23.04.2015, 13:29
Tasebo's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Wald, Zurich/Stockholm
Posts: 1,194
Groaned at 4 Times in 3 Posts
Thanked 1,263 Times in 645 Posts
Tasebo has a reputation beyond reputeTasebo has a reputation beyond reputeTasebo has a reputation beyond reputeTasebo has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Anyone else a working widow and need to vent

Quote:
View Post
Isn't it wonderful how men can be considered decent fathers by being away from home 15 hours per day?

I wish women had the same luxury.
In times past, before readily available food supplies 24/7 (almost), it wouldn't have been unusual for the traditional hunter/gatherer to be away 15 hrs, or even days at a time (Little House in the Big Woods style) The main (if not equally divided) provider (male or female) is now not necessarily hunting consumables, but currency to obtain them - and this does sometimes involve long days.

When just starting a new job it is very difficult NOT to put in the extra hours to establish oneself, equally important to guard against 15 hr days becoming the norm and not the exception. I know both men and women who have been through this - there is also a female tendency to feel "guilt" so the double standard is not clear-cut, as much as self-imposed.

It was very usual for me to be left alone with a <1 yr old and eventually another young child in a new location, but that was very special time too as we established our own daily rhythms and rituals and discovered new surrounds.

I suspect the most contradictory emotions for OP at this stage are centered around having left a job she enjoyed for new frontiers, and hearing that click of the door when OH goes off to work to the energy and routines of a workplace. It is an eery silence...
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank Tasebo for this useful post:
Reply




Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Anyone else new to the Vevey area? Sand to Snow Daily life 2 18.08.2013 19:08
Anyone else working in Hospitality or just irregular hours Ivan1987 Social events 1 18.06.2012 18:16
Anyone want to feature in a magazine? (You need to be working in CH but living in FR) Manley Hopkins Other/general 5 22.11.2011 23:23
Anyone else going to the lollipop party tonight? MaryThomi Entertainment & dining 67 27.03.2010 20:21
Anyone else disappointed? [expectations before moving to Switzerland] SWilkinson Daily life 17 19.03.2007 13:56


All times are GMT +2. The time now is 09:52.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2016, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
LinkBacks Enabled by vBSEO 3.1.0