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Old 26.07.2019, 10:57
doropfiz doropfiz is offline
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Re: Discovered wife cheating what to do?

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Feel like my heart is being torn apart.
Wow, that's a terrible situation to be in.

Strictly legally speaking, in Switzerland, extra-marital relationships have no bearing at all on the divorce, not procedurally, nor financially. With the exception of physical violence, which is considered very seriously, the Swiss laws and courts do not use the concept of blame, at all.

Emotionally, feeling betrayed may very well have an influence, of course, on how you go about this divorce… if it happens.

Although it might not feel like this to you, right now, it is probably worth talking to your wife, asking her to tell you what's going on and explain how she feels. And if you can muster it, try to do this with as few accusations as possible.

There is always a small chance that you have misunderstood the mail you read, and that there is some other explanation. That may sound far-fetched to you, right now, but I have been there, done that, when the person who was visiting was, in fact, just a cousin and not a lover.

Even if your wife is having an affair or a relationship, it may well be better if you hear what it is about.

If "just" an affair, a fling, then yes, that hurts, yet some couples go on to find out what that is about, what happened that it got that far, what's missing, and some marriages actually work well enough afterwards, once they've spoken honestly about it all.

Even if your wife is having a real relationship and even if she is certain about wanting a divorce from you, the pain about the matter can sometimes be lessened when the parting couple can establish a dialogue about what's happening, or, more to the point, about where things will go from here. This latter is especially important if there are children involved (and permits).

I wish you courage. If you can, try to get support from your circle of friends or family, from anyone who will help you not to do anything rash right now, until you've managed to understand all the information, and to figure out your own feelings.
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