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Old 18.09.2019, 18:25
McTAVGE McTAVGE is offline
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A walking toilet spray!!!

This woman (no, not my nice Friday driver!) calls me this afternoon, having heard through a friend of a friend that I might have a spare room to rent.

I explain that I already have someone who has visited and is interested, waiting for confirmation tomorrow of their job appointment in our village and in theory moving in next week. She insists on coming to visit the room nonetheless and I explain again that unless things fall through last minute, it might be worth saving a trip and wait until I hear from my first applicant, a nice, decent kid who is going to start an apprenticeship with a friend of mine (school is paying for his accommodation, so it's all pretty safe and secure).

Woman very pushy insists she is already in the village on her lunch break (it is 3.00 p.m. but why not) and please, please, please, can she just have a quick look. Well, you know how soft I can be, so I let her.

JESUS CHRIST! The woman rings and as soon as I open the door, she walks right in (uninvited) and I cannae believe it, she is like a walking loo spray! Imagine the bloody teenagers "Sphynx effect", multiply that times 100 and apply it to a 50 or so completely spaced out auld slag! My head birls, such is the overwhelming strength of it!

Anyway, she walks round in conquered territory, touching stuff that belongs to my kids without asking ("Dinnae dae that", I think to myself loudly!), commenting on what a lovely place I have and she'll happily settle here. She even has the guts to say that it's lovely to have such a big open space so that we can keep chatting if I watch TV and she (I quote), works on the computer (pointing at MY computer on MY computer station)!!
And chatter she had shitloads of, god she could babble for the whole of Geneva and even Switzerland. Now, I don't like to fash and I am a polite person (most of the time!), but what comes out of her mouth is like knapdarloch (for those not in the Scottish rural know, it's shit hanging from an animal fur!!) and I try to hush her out of my place with the usual "I'll call you if I ken anything new" (no, I bloody won't, ever!) but it did take me a good 10 minutes.

Well, wouldn't you say I must have a gift for attracting the more "unusual" type of Swiss women? Time to retire in a monastery, me thinks!
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