View Single Post
  #26  
Old 08.06.2020, 02:29
doropfiz doropfiz is offline
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: ZH
Posts: 7,955
Groaned at 94 Times in 75 Posts
Thanked 12,283 Times in 4,986 Posts
doropfiz has a reputation beyond reputedoropfiz has a reputation beyond reputedoropfiz has a reputation beyond reputedoropfiz has a reputation beyond reputedoropfiz has a reputation beyond reputedoropfiz has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Any good family lawyer for defending fathers in child custody matter?

If Baby is under a year old, then Baby doesn't care about the flat. Home, to Baby, exists in close physical contact with Mom, for some of the time, and in close pysical contact with Dad, for some of the time. That's all. Home is when Mom or Dad takes care of Baby's physical, comfort, hygiene and social needs. It doesn't matter where this is, including in her home, in yours, in a bus or car, in a playground, etc.

I really think you have to let go of the concept of trying to claim that the move your ex-partner intends to make is a bad idea. Really, I cannot imagine any Social Worker or judge thinking that a commute of an hour-and-a-half in one direction, to see Baby, is unreasonable. I think that if you persue this point, you are likely to end up unnecessarily casting yourself in a bad light as the obstructive, demanding person.

In fact, it sounds like an excellent idea for any single parent (and she is, and you are each a single parent) to live with one of the grandparents. All very sensible.

As you well know, caring for a small baby is exhausting. Starting as soon as she moves, I'd like to encourage you to put in the extra hours to travel up and down to there, as soon as you can after work, or before work (depending on your hours) and on days you're not working, to be there to help care for Baby, so that you and Baby continue your relationship, and so that Baby's Mom can have some hours off.

Perhaps it'd be possible for you to arrange a time to fetch Baby, strap Baby onto your body, go for a walk, so that Baby's Mom can have a nap and rest. You can agree to bring Baby back when the next feed is due, or better still before, so that Baby isn't crying, and you can offer to do some quick chores for her before you leave.

Do it all again later in the same day, or the next day. Be thoroughly reliable, stick to all the arrangements, be the trustworthy, solid best Dad (and supporter to Baby's Mom) that you can be, as far as she will let you.

Check out the area around where she's moving, and look at shops, cafés, swimming-pools, forests and libraries: places where you could wait without Baby and do something (practice the local language, read, study for your next course or training, do your life's paperwork, etc.) and community centres, playgrounds (also indoor), parks, etc. where you could go with Baby. If her parents find you reliable, then perhaps, after some time, they might let you leave a bicycle at their place. In such ways, you might save yourself some commuting because you'll manage to do something in the gaps between fitting in two visits into one day.

If you become known, to Baby's Mom and her parents, as the reasonable, sane, kind, helpful, supportive guy, who's always willing to jump on the train, to see Baby and to give Baby's Mom a few hours to herself, and to run an errand or two for her, and who properly feeds, changes, dresses, baths, plays with and soothes Baby, and who is always punctual as agreed, and who brings all of Baby's things back in the bag (if possible washed and folded) each time Baby comes back, contented, to Baby's Mom, then you may well find that you'll be laying the groundwork for all the other arrangements, as the years go along, working well.

If Baby's Mom is not exhausted, she might even do the commute sometimes, so that she could bring Baby (and a set of clothes) to you as soon as you finish work, so you could keep Baby for a few hours (and bath and change Baby) while your ex-partner goes out to do something for herself.

And the sooner you can move to live near there (and near doesn't have to be in the same town, only along the same axis of public transport) the better, of course, for everyone's time management.

And the easier it will become, as Baby grows, for Baby to spend time at your place. Just keep saying that you want the 50/50 split, but naturally some modified version of that that is practical for all of you.

And as far as it is in your power, make sure all the transitions/hand-overs are smooth and calm events, to keep the stress level down, for everyone, especially for Baby. The easier the transtions are, the more likely all parties are likely to agree to Baby sometimes staying at one parent, and sometimes at the other parent. The more drama there is, the more it will be in the child's best interests not to have to swap over, and to live at only one parent's home.

Last edited by doropfiz; 08.06.2020 at 02:54.