View Single Post
Old 05.08.2021, 23:25
Traust Traust is offline
Newbie 1st class
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Basel
Posts: 27
Groaned at 1 Time in 1 Post
Thanked 18 Times in 8 Posts
Traust has earned some respectTraust has earned some respect
Re: Divorced Dad - to stay or to leave?

View Post
Thanks again and quite a lot to go through there.

1) I do not know my ex-wife's new partner. I believe he is Swiss or German and does not have any kids of his own. I trust my ex-wife and she is very level headed so she wouldn't move in with someone if our son was against it or if she didn't think it would work. My guess is, if they ever do move in, that conversation between all of us will naturally happen. I'm generally happy that she's met someone so on my end there are no hard feelings at all.

2) On the work front, I want to stay somewhat anonymous so I wont mention my industry, but London is the "Premier League" of my industry in Europe and all the talent, money, and jobs are there. The compensation at the higher end is multiples of what I can make here and generally the Anglo-Saxon mind set is to reward talent and performance whereas in Switzerland it's more about rewarding loyalty and rank/tenure (something I can't stand). My colleagues in our London office get paid substantially more than we do in the Zurich office (for doing the same job) with the justification of (i) "that's the market" and (ii) you're supposed to be happy living in Switzerland which should make up for the lower comp.

3) What do NYC/London offer to me personally? They are cities that embrace non-conformists, foreigners, and reward talent and ability. Basically the opposite of this place which is conformist, suspicious of outsiders, and rewards "connected/local people."

4) On the logistics side, I wasn't sure if it was possible to keep a place here if I'm not a resident/permit holder here? I'm guessing to do so I would need to stay registered here which means (i) paying for Swiss health insurance, and (ii) paying taxes to Switzerland - just sounds quite complicated.

Thanks again and I appreciate your response.
If you are still in your 30's then career, future stability and financial independence has a higher weighting than in your 40's/50's.. you must listen to your gut on that one.

If your situation is such that you can afford a cool place in a good area of London then it would be an advantage to your son in the next 7/8 years and possibly sooner.

Nostalgia should never be chased. Period. It's over and gone.

City life can very much be enjoyed in Zurich. And in terms of quality of life - you will rebalance yourself over the next decade and find that things you enjoyed in your 20's and 30's you dont enjoy in your 40's and 50's.

If you have some time I would strongly recommend a move to ZH and take a long hard look at the personal advantages of clean living, proximity to mountains, central EU location, long term safety and social stability, art, architecture, music, culture, medicine and and and..

You can get some degree of these things in London.. but it is also an island (more apparent in COVID times as the only place I can't go at the moment is to see my family in north UK).

I am completely with you on the pining for big city versus small town but again all this will change with both time and - eventually - your new partner. I have lived everywhere.. and I have been through 'home sick' for many places many times and going back is never what you think. It often leads to more regret.

Take your time, look around you, look inside you, make a tactical move somewhere that compromises your 'feelings' (ZH), make even more effort to enjoy life where you are at and doing things you wouldn't normally think of, meet like minded and unlike minded people and after a while take a big step back and think if this place can make you smile and can tick many of your boxes.

At the end of the day it's your life.. don't rush the big things.

-- as an edit I also think that once you get into another relationship perspectives will change yet again. It's good to follow the money in your early years.. but in your later years, if you got the initial money right, you can and will want to follow your heart more.
Reply With Quote
The following 3 users would like to thank Traust for this useful post: