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Old 09.10.2010, 16:25
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Re: How to catch a cold

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The summer is over. Put away the sun screen and brace yourself for the raft of viruses coming your way. Here are a few scenarios to make you better appreciate how you'll catch a cold.

For starters, don't wash your hands.
Take public transport, open doors, shake hands and then, when you're about to tuck into your sandwich, just think "Nah, it's fine, I'll just wipe my hands on my shirt and that'll do".
Try to be around people who are unwell, especially those who sneeze directly at you, or even those who just sneeze into their hand. Public transport is a great place, but your place of work will do just fine.
Make sure you cut the hours of sleep you get. Eight hours is for wimps. There is always something on the telly, and failing that, you can surf the web for medical advice.
Had some fish and fruit during your beach holiday you say? Ah well, feel free to tuck straight back into those yummy meals full of saturated and hydrogenated fats. A healthy, nutritionally balanced diet is boring. Go for the burger and chips, and brace yourself for the cold.
So you played some paddle tennis on the beach? Well done, take the rest of the year off. Your immune system should be plenty strong to handle any virus that comes your way.
Or, putting all this the other way round, here's how to not catch a cold...
Wash your hands.
Avoid public transport, don't open doors, don't shake hands, don't think about wiping your hands before eating your sandwich.
Try to be around healthy people, especially those that sneeze indirectly at you, and that don't just sneeze into their hand. Public transport is really not very good for this, your place of work will have to do.
Sleep much more. Eighteen hours is for wimps. Cut yourself off from the outside world, and don't bug your doctor.
Eat fish and fruit on the beach.
Play paddle tennis on the beach for the rest of the year.
Well I'm in, especially the beach bit!!!
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