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  #141  
Old 16.01.2011, 22:59
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Re: "Helpful" comments on others' appearance...

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lol! i used to have this kind too! but smoking, coffees, no exercise and alcohol converted it to the real thing.
(at least i had fun in the process! :P)
It's ok, a few weeks on the threadmill or eliptical, finishing showers with cold water and frequent massages will give you baby skin, really!

Although, I'd do just with the massages....
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  #142  
Old 16.01.2011, 23:07
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Re: "Helpful" comments on others' appearance...

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It's ok, a few weeks on the threadmill or eliptical, finishing showers with cold water and frequent massages will give you baby skin, really!

Although, I'd do just with the massages....
yeah right.... ! nope !
Honestly, I've tried everything short of surgery for my arms (weights 4 x a week eh !) It drives me nuts.
Now the massage bit.. mmmm if that really works, what a great excuse to get one
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  #143  
Old 16.01.2011, 23:16
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Re: "Helpful" comments on others' appearance...

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It's ok, a few weeks on the threadmill or eliptical, finishing showers with cold water and frequent massages will give you baby skin, really!

Although, I'd do just with the massages....
And this is the sort of myth that has women like me feel like I will never be good enough, that I'm simply not trying hard enough. Well, I was much slimmer and younger, went to gym five days a week, never smoked, hardly drank and STILL had the real kind of cellulite.
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  #144  
Old 16.01.2011, 23:21
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Re: "Helpful" comments on others' appearance...

Er... isn't cellulite just, er, normal skin?
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  #145  
Old 16.01.2011, 23:26
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Re: "Helpful" comments on others' appearance...

Yeah, I don't see the big deal about cellulite. I'm much more self-conscious about my huge gut than my cellulite
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  #146  
Old 16.01.2011, 23:31
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Re: "Helpful" comments on others' appearance...

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Er... isn't cellulite just, er, normal skin?
Yes, a certain amount of cellulite is normal (and a certain amount of worrying about it is even more normal. )
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  #147  
Old 16.01.2011, 23:35
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Re: "Helpful" comments on others' appearance...

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Yeah, I don't see the big deal about cellulite. I'm much more self-conscious about my huge gut than my cellulite
I am sorry if I am about to spoil your cute complex, but my guitarist had this thing for a pooch. It was driving him insane anytime we had a girl with a real belly at out gig. So, there are men who appreciate and worship female bellies...

Last edited by MusicChick; 16.01.2011 at 23:47.
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  #148  
Old 16.01.2011, 23:55
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Re: "Helpful" comments on others' appearance...

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there are men who appreciate and worship female bellies...
My boyfriend being one of them! For some inexplicable reason, he finds it really attractive. It's taken me a long time to realise that it's not something he puts up with because he loves me, but something he actually loves.
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  #149  
Old 17.01.2011, 08:40
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Re: "Helpful" comments on others' appearance...

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So, there are men who appreciate and worship female bellies...
None that I know that walk the surface of this planet which we reside on.
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  #150  
Old 17.01.2011, 10:36
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Re: "Helpful" comments on others' appearance...

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So why in God’s name do people feel the need to a) tell me something I already know and b) make me feel pretty sh*t about myself into the bargain? I also know naturally skinny people who’ve had the “reverse” problem, getting called anorexic and stuff like that. If you inform the other party that, well, you’d rather not hear that sort of stuff, you invariably get some BS about “only trying to help / motivate / make a compliment”. Well I’ve been getting it a lot about my weight lately (ironically I’ve just lost about 20 lbs) and it’s really hurtful.

Whatever happened to “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all”? Does anyone else have friends and family who are “helpful” like this? Are you “helpful” and if so, why? And finally – best comebacks?
The reasons for such impolite and hurtful remarks could be
a)you might sound clever, self confident and perfectly happy with your appearance. They can't stand others' self-assurance.
b)just want to "make a fuss" about how perfect they are as compared to..well - you. The b) might derive from a) or/and from a feeling of being neglected, not appreciated etc.
Maybe it's good to reply like this:
- Wow, but YOU, you look incredibly today! What did you do to your hair? Where from did you get this nice dress, shoes etc. Believe me, they will feel bad about themselves very soon.
As for the relatives, well, I do think we can't really walk away and ignore them. Possible answer:
- Aunty, I know you love me a lot and worry about me, but, as hard to believe as it seems to you, I DO put a lot of effort to control my weight. My metabolism doesn't help me though.
That will make them (hopefully) question themselves about the reason for which they tell you things like that.
As for moms and grannies, forgive them. They would probably just love to shut the gossiping f***ers up and LOVE to see you a stunner (but we do know it's not that simple). And, to be perfectly honest, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.

Last edited by greenmount; 17.01.2011 at 11:16. Reason: grammar, spelling..o.k. I'm tired.
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  #151  
Old 17.01.2011, 11:44
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Re: "Helpful" comments on others' appearance...

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I also know naturally skinny people who’ve had the “reverse” problem, getting called anorexic and stuff like that.

Hi Kittster,

I cant thank your post so I'm writing this little note.

Thank you very much for addressing the 'skinny issue' as well.
I'm naturally thin and its a struggle for me to put on weight. I'd love to have a few more kilos, but have come to accept and love my body as is - especially as I feel healthy and have plenty of energy.
Unfortunately there are always those people that think they know your body better than you, be it works colleagues or even absolute strangers. I've heard enough 'you should more' or even 'eat or die' comments thank you very much, I have a huge appetite.
I'm on the low end of normal BMI but don't look 'unhealthy', I guess each persons perspective is different. I just think its absolute ignorance to feel entitled to judge other people.

The fact that us skinnies may have these types of issues often gets overlooked - so cheers.

Skwiwi
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  #152  
Old 17.01.2011, 21:21
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Re: "Helpful" comments on others' appearance...

I beg to differ.. skinnies are not treated the same

Never heard of: skinny slob, skinnyso or it ain't over till the skinny lady sings
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  #153  
Old 17.01.2011, 22:09
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I beg to differ.. skinnies are not treated the same

Never heard of: skinny slob, skinnyso or it ain't over till the skinny lady sings
I agree with you, Sky, although I was teased all through middle and high school for being skinny and flat-chested. But even then I knew from the media and fashion magazines that I had a prized body type, so I would never complain that I suffered any real discrimination. I mean, I was never rejected for a job because I was skinny! I was picked on for being slightly different, by people with very little intelligence or creativity, which is a far cry from the systemic, socially-acceptable discrimination overweight people face.
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  #154  
Old 17.01.2011, 23:37
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Re: "Helpful" comments on others' appearance...

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I beg to differ.. skinnies are not treated the same

Never heard of: skinny slob, skinnyso or it ain't over till the skinny lady sings

You won't imagine the malice you are getting from other (mostly on the larger side) women...

Comments like 'Skeleton', 'Did you escape Auschwitz' to questions as 'How do you manage not to fall over?' (reference to small frame and boobs)

Rude.
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  #155  
Old 17.01.2011, 23:46
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Re: "Helpful" comments on others' appearance...

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You won't imagine the malice you are getting from other (mostly on the larger side) women...

Comments like 'Skeleton', 'Did you escape Auschwitz' to questions as 'How do you manage not to fall over?' (reference to small frame and boobs)

Rude.
I agree with this - as a teenager I was called 'daddy long legs' and have frequently been asked if I am anorexic - which somehow seems to be an acceptable question. Can you imagine the reaction if I were to ask someone if they were an over-eater?!
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  #156  
Old 17.01.2011, 23:49
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Re: "Helpful" comments on others' appearance...

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You won't imagine the malice you are getting from other (mostly on the larger side) women...

Comments like 'Skeleton', 'Did you escape Auschwitz' to questions as 'How do you manage not to fall over?' (reference to small frame and boobs)

Rude.
i have heard a lot of different variations of how awful i look. skeleton has also been quite popular. plus the raised eyebrow when i dared to say something about having eaten a lot the other day. or if for whatever reason i did not feel like eating at a particular time. some people have self-diagnosed me as being anorexic and seeked every occasion to confirm their "diagnosis". i also got a lot "you, as a psychologist, should know better..." (which i also get sometimes if i get a bit depressed. because, you know, you cannot be a psychologist AND have the blues...how are you supposed to help others if you cannot help yourself! )

going back to the weight issue, i do agree with a comment above that albeit all these comments being skinny gets you also "postive" feelings from seeing all the people in the magazines, tv etc who are "praised" for the weight. even if you get offended by mean comments you somehow know that it is more socially acceptable nowadays to be underweight rather than overweight.
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  #157  
Old 20.01.2011, 23:25
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Re: "Helpful" comments on others' appearance...

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So, there are men who appreciate and worship female bellies...
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None that I know that walk the surface of this planet which we reside on.
I beg to differ Sir, but you are quite mistaken.. many a gent find (and found) the following ladies absolutely stunning:





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  #158  
Old 21.01.2011, 08:36
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Re: "Helpful" comments on others' appearance...

Ughm... those women look stunning! But if either of those photos are showing what one would call a "belly", you're sadly mistaken. How about some post birth bellies -do you know any men who worship those?
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  #159  
Old 21.01.2011, 08:57
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Re: "Helpful" comments on others' appearance...

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Ughm... those women look stunning! But if either of those photos are showing what one would call a "belly", you're sadly mistaken. How about some post birth bellies -do you know any men who worship those?
I never had bad or weird comments from strangers. My worst ennemy on that matter always been my mother...

I always had a flat tone stomach and after the birth, of course it was loose and flappy. Two weeks after I actually gave birth she told me that I should be careful to not let myself go and should do something about my stomach. That it didn't look really elegant!

The B word came into my head... but I let it flow!

When I saw her again, 8 months later, my stomach was back in his almost original form which I made a duty to show off at any occasion I could juuuust to piss her off.

A year after that, again I was at my mom when a friend came over. We all went to the beach and my mother was the only one who didn't put a bathing suit. Anyway, her friend got into a conversation about her recovery and that she was pretty happy with the results. She asked my mother how was her recovery and how was her feeling on her own results... I was like ''what the hell'' they are talking about.... when the word came out..... Shocking secret that my mom tried really hard to keep away from me... but got burst out by her friend...

Tummy Tuck!

At that moment (ok plus millions of other exemple in the course of my life) I realised that my mother was harsh with me on my apparence because she was jealous... and everytime she was saying something nasty to me, was probably in a weird way something she felt about herself...)

When someone find the need to tell you something like that, it is because they are paying a lot of attention into it and I believe that it is because they are having their own issue with it

For exemple, if a girl has a big nose and hate it, she'll spend a lot of time to compare her nose with everybody else's nose....

I could write a novel about my mother....
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Old 21.01.2011, 19:12
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Re: "Helpful" comments on others' appearance...

Nil, you are probably correct ( as you said, that is just one example from your Mum) but I can also see a possibility of a woman who is not feeling good about her looks ( and I presume your Mum didn't, so felt she needed to have the tuck) and is actually hoping to stop her daughter from having what she perceives, rightly or wrongly, as being the same problems later on.
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