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  #101  
Old 22.03.2011, 18:52
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Re: Getting pregnant

There is a worldwide trend of decreasing semen quality that for sure has an impact on fertility. There was a swiss study published last year showing differences between the different canton. The best one was Fribourg! I suppose the bias is due to the presence of PaddyG and myself in this canton

Fondation faber is specialized in men fertility in Switzerland. A graphic showing concentration decrease:
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  #102  
Old 22.03.2011, 18:53
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Re: Getting pregnant

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So what do you suggest we say to those who ask us (me and the Mrs that is)?
That you provide them with helpful and constructive advice as to how you were successful in conceiving, which is what they are asking for.

What will be more difficult and you may not achieve by the sound of your initial post, is to appreciate that every couple is unique and will have their own emotional situation, so you should in every case genuinely sympathize with them and hope that the advice you give them helps them conceive. If they are not doing something you think of as obvious, then perhaps it is obvious to you, but not them, so don't hate them for it, rather feel proud that you have opened this new hope up to them.
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  #103  
Old 22.03.2011, 18:59
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Re: Getting pregnant

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Personally, I am not "meaning well". I don't mean this to be rude, but my gripe remains people wasting resources when actually they didn't

I have no issue with your gripe or sentiment - the fact remains that those anecdotes are simply that - anecdotes - and can be very grating to those experiencing pregnancy/conception issues who are looking for answers & facts (not dinner party anecdotes).
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  #104  
Old 22.03.2011, 19:02
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Re: Getting pregnant

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Personally, I am not "meaning well". I don't mean this to be rude, but my gripe remains people wasting resources when actually they didn't need to.
I don't know about over here but in the UK, doctors won't start investigations until a couple have been trying for over a year. Of course the doctors have to trust that the couple are being truthful about how long they have been trying, although I can't imagine anyone would want to undergo invasive tests for fun.

I think you're right about some people thinking that it should happen straight away. But then we are told from such an early age that it is easy to get pregnant and everything is aimed at preventing it. Also, I think people are more likely to talk about how long it took them if it was easy (he only had to look at me and I was pregnant sort of thing) so I think people get the wrong impression about how long is "normal".
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  #105  
Old 22.03.2011, 19:07
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Re: Getting pregnant

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You may be right, but in the olden days women used to smoke and drink cocktails even during pregnancy and "working out" wasn't even invented but they still had babies, so it can't be the only reason.
They were less stressed and being ultra-thin wasn't as much part of the pre-requisite of being a "worthwhile woman".

One of the couples I know fit Carlos' bill but the guy married a trophy wife, being thin and looking good is everything to her and she's already decided she doesn't want to breastfeed because her breasts are more important. In this case I fervently hope they will give up on the whole thing because other things they say about parenthood, well, it just scares me. Like if it was a girl, she would get sent straight to ballet so she never gets fat.

Having a kid because of status issues - really bad idea. I can't have children myself and it irritates me that people give me that pitying look and squeeze my hand or shoulder when I tell them (usually following the "isn't it time for you to settle down and have kids, dear?" conversation).

Not being able to have children does not make you any less of a woman, please, for the love of God, stop listening to the morons who make you feel this way.
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  #106  
Old 22.03.2011, 19:10
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Re: Getting pregnant

For many people it can just take the one time and they fall pregnant, or it takes them one month, I have many friends like this. What you are saying is that for the people trying and its not working because they are not at it like rabbits for 2/3/4 years of trying then they shouldn't seek medical help.

One of my such lucky friends who fell pregnant first month of trying said 'it's easy just do it twice a day while ovulating, worked for me' - so over about 4/5 days to make sure you catch the 'right' time. I wonder if she would have thought the same 3 years on?

So how realistic is this? can you imagine being into your third year of trying and you 'try' and do it at least once a day during your 5 days of ovulating for 1,2,3 years plus? not an easy task. It's easy for the people who fell pregnant instantly to think 'yeah it's easy, it's just what you have to do if you want to get pregnant' wrong.... if nothing was wrong with either partner then it would have happened within a year, normally less, so the likely hood is there is an issue.

We waited 2 and a half years before giving in and seeking help, I really wish I had not left it so long as in the end it took us 5 years which meant i was 36 instead of the planned 31 when i got pregnant - which then ironically put me in the 'getting too old category'

Last edited by Nickers; 23.03.2011 at 14:49.
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  #107  
Old 22.03.2011, 19:12
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Re: Getting pregnant

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I don't know about over here but in the UK, doctors won't start investigations until a couple have been trying for over a year. Of course the doctors have to trust that the couple are being truthful about how long they have been trying, although I can't imagine anyone would want to undergo invasive tests for fun.
Doesn't matter when you seek help here as it's not free and not costing any tax payers anything. I can understand the gripes re the NHS though. The NHS have a rule that a female should have a BMI of 30 or less, over here they don't care as they are getting paid
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  #108  
Old 22.03.2011, 20:36
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Re: Getting pregnant

mmmhhh ... spoof BBC Radio 4 comedy phone in on now .. "Down the Line" subject of the phone-in is ... "Getting Pregnant"

listen now

Carlos R .. maybe your friends should ring in for "advice"?
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  #109  
Old 22.03.2011, 20:52
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Re: Getting pregnant

As several have mentioned it is not as easy as it sounds- those who became pregnant when they want are very lucky. It is only when you are on the other side desiring a child and it not happening that you find out how difficult it really is to conceive. Even then it is not easy- keeping a pregancy to till a viable term is not what many think. There might be some unknowns for your friends Carlos- not everyone tells the truth.

I was a mixed case; unexplained infertility, partially explained and then unexplained misscariages at various terms. "Doing it" and when you are supposed to is (as Nicky mentioned) is a chore and the occasional "you only see me as a sperm donor" sometimes is heard.

I don't know how it works in any other countries than France to be assisted; our case was brought before a commission and we were only given so many tries for each treatment.

Anyway and my rant: those who have never had any problems conceiving and giving birth have no idea what it is like and although your advice is kindly meant after awhile it does it hurt a bit.
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  #110  
Old 22.03.2011, 20:53
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Re: Getting pregnant

I cant believe this thread has more answers than my cheetos thread
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  #111  
Old 22.03.2011, 21:00
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Re: Getting pregnant

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Anyway and my rant: those who have never had any problems conceiving and giving birth have no idea what it is like and although your advice is kindly meant after awhile it does it hurt a bit.
Very well said. As those who know me will vouch, I am not very good at empathising, and, having fallen pregnant immediately with first child, had no idea of the misery of being unable to conceive ... until we could not have child number 2.

Suddenly I saw everything from a very different perspective.

I wish I could be a person who could empathise without having experienced a problem first hand, but our problems did change my attitudes quite profoundly, and whilst, Carlos R, you have been very careful to exclude any people who have medical problems, I do think J. L-P's point is very well made.
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  #112  
Old 22.03.2011, 21:16
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Re: Getting pregnant

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I cant believe this thread has more answers than my cheetos thread
Cheeto's are gross Angela; make a thread about "Wheat Thins" and "Cheez-Whiz" and I will post about their goodness till your eyes bleed.
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  #113  
Old 22.03.2011, 21:18
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Re: Getting pregnant

I am most grateful to those who have been able to vocalize what I could not due to the awful feelings and memories that the initial post brought up on first reading it and that is all I am going to say on this subject.
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  #114  
Old 22.03.2011, 21:46
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Re: Getting pregnant

my closest friend had her 'one in a million baby' conceived after 6 months living in Madras, India. 100% vegetarian diet, really bad gastroenteritis, 45 degrees (C) summer temperature...they had sex once that month....

Her other two children were conceived via IVF. She was under 35 when the last child was born...It was assumed for a long time that because she had one child, she could of course have more!

I have three things I like to bring into any conversation about fertility:

1. There are lots of taboos and myths out there.
2. Get medical advice. You are not alone.
3. I would not wish IVF on anyone, it's an incredibly traumatic rollercoaster with no guarantee of anything at the end...

My personal gripe is that women still take the blame more than they should for fertility issues. We have friends who were trying for up to 4 years, with the woman having many many tests, only to finally do a sperm test and find out that the problem was his side, and probably due to mumps or medical treatments as a child (he was a very premature baby with lots of drugs and interventions at birth)....

It could have saved her a lot of medical interventions, and sped the whole process of deciding whether to try IVF, if they had known that his chances of being able to produce sperm that could actually swim, was close to zero...
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  #115  
Old 22.03.2011, 22:15
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Re: Getting pregnant

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or many people it can just take the one time and they fall pregnant, or it takes them one month, I have many friends like this. What you are saying is that for the people trying and its not working because they are not at it like rabbits for 2/3/4 years of trying then they shouldn't seek medical help.

One of my such lucky friends who fell pregnant first month of trying said 'it's easy just do it twice a day while ovulating, worked for me' - so over about 4/5 days to make sure you catch the 'right' time. I wonder if she would have thought the same 3 years on?

So how realistic is this? can you imagine being into your third year of trying and you 'try' and do it at least once a day during your 5 days of ovulating for 1,2,3 years plus? not an easy task. It's easy for the people who fell pregnant instantly to think 'yeah it's easy, it's just what you have to do if you want to get pregnant' wrong.... if nothing was wrong with either partner then it would have happened within a year, normally less, so the likely hood is there is an issue.

We waited 2 and a half years before giving in and seeking help, I really wish I had not left it so long as in the end it took us 5 years which meant i was 36 instead of the planned 31 when i got pregnant - which then ironically put me in the 'getting too old category'
The two times I got pregnant it was in the very first month we tried, for both times.

I know that I am extremely lucky because I never have this feeling of waiting, hoping and being disappointed.... I am very very lucky and I would never ever dare passing any judgement nor comments about those who can't conceive or who has very big trouble to do so.

I have a lot of respect for those couples. It must be extremely difficult and it must be tough on the coupls as well. I don't think I would have the strengh to deal with this month after month.

You guys who went through this, respect!
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  #116  
Old 22.03.2011, 22:28
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Re: Getting pregnant

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My wife is a good catholic, every time we have sex, she gets pregnant.
We have 2 children....
Isn't there an Irish joke about the stilted conversation between Paddy (Catholic) meeting Johnny (Protestant) and trying to be strike up a conversation:
Paddy to Johnny: "Johnny: can I offer you a whisky?"
Johnny: "No thanks, I tried it once and didn't like it"
Paddy to Johnny: "Johnny: would you like a cigarette?"
Johnny: "No thanks, I tried it once and didn't like it"
Paddy to Johnny: "Johnny, do you have much of a family"
Johnny: "Just the one boy"
Paddy: "Ay, I get it, tried it once and didn't like it"
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  #117  
Old 22.03.2011, 22:35
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Re: Getting pregnant

I instinctively desired to have my baby in my twenties (and I did !! )
My intuition was right on the dot.
In my early 30s I became very very ill and permanently lost the possibility to have another child.
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  #118  
Old 22.03.2011, 22:36
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Re: Getting pregnant

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Cheeto's are gross Angela; make a thread about "Wheat Thins" and "Cheez-Whiz" and I will post about their goodness till your eyes bleed.
Oh pttttttt I love them!
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  #119  
Old 22.03.2011, 23:07
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Re: Getting pregnant

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You may be right, but in the olden days women used to smoke and drink cocktails even during pregnancy and "working out" wasn't even invented but they still had babies, so it can't be the only reason.
In the olden days, it was more normal to have children at a younger age. For example, if the chart here is to be believed, a woman is roughly 5 times as likely to be infertile at 37 as at 22. I'd guess that a drunk 20 year old is a much better bet than a sober 35 year old.

Which doesn't really help you when your 35 year old friend is asking for advice on how to get pregnant. Obviously smoking and drinking are also things to avoid for the health of the fetus and then the kid, every little bit helps, etc, etc. But if you want an explanation for why things seem harder now, I think that chart says it all.

And yes, us guys also lose potency with age, even if I haven't found an equivalent chart - the age of the guy is even a risk factor for trisomy 21, especially when the woman is also older.
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  #120  
Old 23.03.2011, 00:05
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Re: Getting pregnant

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In the olden days, it was more normal to have children at a younger age[...]
I miss not having Wikipedia reference-linkEmerging_adulthood. But in spite of starting the serious stuff in relatively young age it wasn't a smooth ride by any means. And probably wouldn't be possible later on. Adoption might be an option if understood and welcomed. It doesn't shut the door for giving birth eventually but as the life passes by so slowly closes the window in time when one can be a parent.
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