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Old 30.03.2011, 17:18
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Re: The Me Myself and I

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When me and Mr S had his parents we used to go over to England to visit and used to get things like "Don't come Thursday as we go to Tesco"
Don't come Monday as we go to the Library.
I did bring the subject up about them visiting or maybe phoning a bit more and was told-

" You are the ones who moved away,not us, so it is YOUR duty to do the visiting not us."
"You can't expect us to pay to visit you when it was your decision to leave"

'In-laws', eh, ha, 'out-laws' more like it!
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Old 30.03.2011, 17:27
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Re: The Me Myself and I

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there is also a lot of "you live in switzerland, you're rich" as well
YES YES YES!!! boah, how i hate that image, directly faced with or nonchalant strewn in between the lines. bugger!

@nil: did you ever ask and confront them with what you posted here?
what was the response?
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  #23  
Old 30.03.2011, 17:37
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Re: The Me Myself and I

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YES YES YES!!! boah, how i hate that image, directly faced with or nonchalant strewn in between the lines. bugger!

@nil: did you ever ask and confront them with what you posted here?
what was the response?
Yes I did.

Mostly the answers were something like: ''arrrgaanddf gjjidooodahhhh!'' with pity face of how I dare to ask or worst, put it in their face...

(And a call later from my brother telling me how I hurt my dad to ask him that, because he would love to visit you and and and.... You are the one who left, bla bla bla...)
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Old 30.03.2011, 17:41
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Re: The Me Myself and I

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Yes I did.

Mostly the answers were something like: ''arrrgaanddf gjjidooodahhhh!'' with pity face of how I dare to ask or worst, put it in their face...

(And a call later from my brother telling me how I hurt my dad to ask him that, because he would love to visit you and and and.... You are the one who left, bla bla bla...)

ok, but there is one question to be answered: dont you want to find out how i live? and what would you think in my position vice versa, if i wouldnt come when you might moved away? when i look at things... i think you think that im not worth your time and money. say so, then i know and i deal with it.

thats what id say.
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Old 30.03.2011, 17:46
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Re: The Me Myself and I

I can understand how you feel. We got many relatives in the US, Canada, and Asia and very few have ever visited (usually after they take retirement when they have the time free). Of course, we visit them regularly. I do cut them some slack; they only have 2-3 weeks paid leave. But still, I would expect them to visit at least once in 20 years!
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  #26  
Old 30.03.2011, 17:46
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Re: The Me Myself and I

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ok, but there is one question to be answered: dont you want to find out how i live? and what would you think in my position vice versa, if i wouldnt come when you might moved away? when i look at things... i think you think that im not worth your time and money. say so, then i know and i deal with it.

thats what id say.
I told them that, plus the time I got married, plus the time I got my first child, and now with the second....

So I am quite fed up.
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Old 30.03.2011, 17:51
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Re: The Me Myself and I

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I told them that, plus the time I got married, plus the time I got my first child, and now with the second....

So I am quite fed up.
Hey Nil, someone so robust as you can surely handle a few losers? I know that family gets close to the heart but just look at this like this. If a will was being challenged by them to you, how would you react then? good people stay good people, the others dont matter
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Old 30.03.2011, 17:52
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Re: The Me Myself and I

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I told them that, plus the time I got married, plus the time I got my first child, and now with the second....

So I am quite fed up.
i think id break it up with them. less stress and disappointment. not to come over when you got married... screw it! id be upset for a lifetime!
if theyd come less then i (you) do, ok. one in for their age n stuff. but on such important occassions...RIP!
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Old 30.03.2011, 17:55
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Re: The Me Myself and I

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I can understand how you feel. We got many relatives in the US, Canada, and Asia and very few have ever visited (usually after they take retirement when they have the time free). Of course, we visit them regularly. I do cut them some slack; they only have 2-3 weeks paid leave. But still, I would expect them to visit at least once in 20 years!
Friends from Canada I can understand. They have jobs, young families and usually a loans, morgage, etc.. I give them a big slack. When I do show up, they do lots of free time in their schedule to see me.

But the parents? Come one! Yes, they don't have a steady salary with regular augmentation coming in and they have to live on their pension fund. But believe me, my parents are far far away to be any close to be tight with their money. The enjoy life and spend a lot on the last gadget etc.

So in this case, I have little understanding and patience.
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Old 30.03.2011, 18:00
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Re: The Me Myself and I

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"You are the ones who moved away,not us, so it is YOUR duty to do the visiting not us."
"You can't expect us to pay to visit you when it was your decision to leave"
That so deserves a groan or neg-rep for such narrow-mindedness...

Some people just cannot see opportunities for broadening horizons.

EF'em, I say!
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Old 30.03.2011, 18:02
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Re: The Me Myself and I

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But the parents? Come one! Yes, they don't have a steady salary with regular augmentation coming in and they have to live on their pension fund. But believe me, my parents are far far away to be any close to be tight with their money. The enjoy life and spend a lot on the last gadget etc.

So in this case, I have little understanding and patience.
I'm in exactly the same situation. My parents won't come even if I offer them the flights! Perhaps it has something to with the parent-child relationship. In their minds, we are supposed to visit them, not the other way around!
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  #32  
Old 30.03.2011, 18:14
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Re: The Me Myself and I

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I'm in exactly the same situation. My parents won't come even if I offer them the flights! Perhaps it has something to with the parent-child relationship. In their minds, we are supposed to visit them, not the other way around!
but doesnt it make a father n mother proud to see: wow, the life is in order, all works, theyre on their way and i did a good job as a parent?

i always feel slightly embarrassed when i hear my mom speak about me to neighbours or family friends n stuff. but it shows me that she feels proud of me though i think what to be proud about me? i havent achieved anything?! but thats a matter of perspective. in 4 years she has been here only ones, on my invitation, i paid the flight. but with her little money she cant afford it. so mostly i pop over to see her and my brothers fam.

other friends parents come here quiet often and have a jolly good time. so the ratio of nils parents behaviour is 1 to 10 id say from what i know of others and their parents...
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  #33  
Old 30.03.2011, 18:14
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Re: The Me Myself and I

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But the parents? Come one! Yes, they don't have a steady salary with regular augmentation coming in and they have to live on their pension fund. But believe me, my parents are far far away to be any close to be tight with their money. The enjoy life and spend a lot on the last gadget etc.
You see where their priorities lie.

Which, to a great extent is fair enough, they've earnt it. But it is usually accompanied by a healthy dose of denial.

"No, no, we really want to come and see you..."

"How about next week - Swiss has some offers on?"

"Oh no, I'm clipping my toe nails."

"Next month?"

"Oh no, so and so's party, guests coming blah blah"

"What about May, June, July"

"No time, we're incredibly busy, you know, and we're going to America for two months" (clearly not a money issue, then)

"Q3, Q4?"

"maybe - we need check our diaries..."

Bear in mind we're talking 2012 here...
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Old 30.03.2011, 18:21
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Re: The Me Myself and I

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You see where their priorities lie.

Which, to a great extent is fair enough, they've earnt it. But it is usually accompanied by a healthy dose of denial.

"No, no, we really want to come and see you..."

"How about next week - Swiss has some offers on?"

"Oh no, I'm clipping my toe nails."

"Next month?"

"Oh no, so and so's party, guests coming blah blah"

"What about May, June, July"

"No time, we're incredibly busy, you know, and we're going to America for two months" (clearly not a money issue, then)

"Q3, Q4?"

"maybe - we need check our diaries..."

Bear in mind we're talking 2012 here...
ok, what if youd saay: oi, im coming over for a week date xyz, youre there? do you have time? when it goes like: yeah, cool! where here...make it a date, wait a couple of weeks n say: oi, plans have changed. we cant come. but your schedule tells me you can come over. eh?
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Old 30.03.2011, 18:31
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Re: The Me Myself and I

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I'm in exactly the same situation. My parents won't come even if I offer them the flights! Perhaps it has something to with the parent-child relationship. In their minds, we are supposed to visit them, not the other way around!
We've always had the opposite problem. As soon as the warm weather comes in May, they're forming a queue to fly in. In the Summer we've had weeks where the last lot of family/friends have flown out on Friday only to leave us rushing round like crazy to change the beds/do shopping ready for the next lot to arrive on Saturday. You come down in the morning and there they are washed and dressed, waiting for breakfast and ready to go. Instead of "Good morning" it's "Where are we going today?"

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Same old story that DB's posted on. Friends who stay back home usually have a totally different take...
DB's right. When we go back to visit family and friends....the welcome's great but we're on our own. Everybody just gets on with life as usual. Afterall, they think we've just "gone home", even though it's not anymore. When folks come here, they're "on holiday"! Different mindset. Different expectations.
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Old 30.03.2011, 18:38
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Re: The Me Myself and I

Nope, I can't relate to this story. I have the most considerate parents one could ask for. They would call, visit, ask me if I everything it's O.K., do I need money.
Friends on the other hand...it's amazing how living-in-another-country thing can function as a filter for some quite intense friendship relations one used to have.
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Old 30.03.2011, 18:38
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Re: The Me Myself and I

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ok, what if youd saay: oi, im coming over for a week date xyz, youre there? do you have time? when it goes like: yeah, cool! where here...make it a date, wait a couple of weeks n say: oi, plans have changed. we cant come. but your schedule tells me you can come over. eh?
Shifting three small children across Europe is pain. Two elderly, well-travelled seniors going across Europe (they speak French & English fluently and my Dad prob speaks enough German to get by, they lived on the continent for 13 years) is a much easier proposition. Besides, they don't have an issue with going to the US or Russia.

To be brutally honest, I'm not interested in playing those games. If they want to come, they come. As I said, I think they are in denial of the obvious - they just don't feel motivated to come, for whatever reason... it's their problem not mine.

I just know/hope that if I'm blessed with grandchildren I'll want to spend as much time with them as possible.
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  #38  
Old 30.03.2011, 18:42
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Re: The Me Myself and I

Totally relate to the topic of this post. For the last two and a bit years I have flown to UK loads, from LA and now switzerland, spent money on international calling, blah blah now I;m in Switzerland I really thought there might be some reciprocation. Nope nope and nope. it seems that not only is it too expensive to call here, it's a little too much to organize getting your arse to London City airport and onto a plane for an hour 20. Then when I get back for the weekend, what do I hear from my friends? 'Oh I so want your life'. Well, if you can't cope with a flight to Geneva, I won't hold my breath waiting on you moving out of the country!

The US friends, on the other hand, facing an 11 hour much more expensive flight are already booking dates :/
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  #39  
Old 30.03.2011, 18:54
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Re: The Me Myself and I

My old dears are wonderful - they're coming over three times this year, despite being pensioners, because they know things are a bit tight for us. Mind, they live abroad themselves, so they understand how it feels to be "out of sight, out of mind". They get especially upset when people go on fancy holidays in the same geographical region, but plead poverty when it comes to a free-accommodation holiday with them.

The people who annoy me, though, are those who presume that:

  • We're rich, and can therefore afford to visit the British Isles whenever we fancy;
  • I can take time off work to attend weddings/baptisms/first communions, even they know full well that I'm a teacher and can't take holidays on demand.
My wife and I are currently stumping up the rent for two flats, as well as meeting all kinds of unexpected expenses related to moving to a new canton. Where other people might cut their expenses by not going abroad for a year or two, we are obliged (to some extent) to go and visit family in the United States and Cyprus - fun weekends in the United Kingdom, or anywhere else for that matter, fall right to the bottom of our priority list in these circumstances. The fact that so-called "friends" have the gall to give us grief for not being able to go and attend their events and parties really gets on my nerves. Don't they understand the necessity of cutting one's cloth according to one's means?

But then, we live in Switzerland, don't we? It's obvious we can afford to live like Aristotle Onassis...
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Old 30.03.2011, 18:55
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Re: The Me Myself and I

Just wander away.. and reappear when the timing is right for you.
Seriously I don't consider it selfishness, I just don't like the least feeling of an obligation.
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