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  #41  
Old 30.03.2011, 18:56
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Re: The Me Myself and I

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Nope, I can't relate to this story. I have the most considerate parents one could ask for. They would call, visit, ask me if I everything it's O.K., do I need money.
Friends on the other hand...it's amazing how living-in-another-country thing can function as a filter for some quite intense friendship relations one used to have.
Can our parents adopt me?

Ok i cant complain either. My parents cant affort coming over either but at least they call a couple of times per week
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  #42  
Old 30.03.2011, 20:06
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Re: The Me Myself and I

Folks, I see where you are coming from but I have sort of the opposite problem. I have been here 2 years and have a regular tidal flow of visitors. some of these are distant as in really distant cousins and they keep coming....of course it's to see the country not us. we're just here to provide them free accomodation and free food.

Before we moved to Switzerland, did they ever call/email and ask how we were? NO. Now, Viola! we're the favorite cousins.
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  #43  
Old 30.03.2011, 20:16
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Re: The Me Myself and I

My husband's family couldn't understand how come my parents didn't come to our wedding... I tried to excuse them, to make it sounds like it was for the best, etc. but I didn't convince them.

We had 800 peoples from 6 differents countries. They all made it to come over for our wedding except my parents.... They were too busy to renovate the kitchen and bathroom and to buy a new car.... Of course, they didn't have money!

My mother gave me speeches about how she missed the wedding, how she was so sad to not be at her only daughter's wedding! Why did we do it so far away, etc... The poor heart broken mother.

And they were disappointed to see my In-Law being the one who pay for the wedding (tradition) and not buying my parent's tickets. (yep no kidding!)

In 8 years, my mother came once to visit me, sorry, visit my daughter when she was born. I am now having my boy and she won't come.... They don't have the money, they are renovating the new house.

Any grand-parents on this forum looking to adopt 2 lovely grandchildren and a very nice mama? (When I am not hormonal, I am very nice, I promise!)
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  #44  
Old 30.03.2011, 20:18
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Re: The Me Myself and I

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Folks, I see where you are coming from but I have sort of the opposite problem. I have been here 2 years and have a regular tidal flow of visitors. some of these are distant as in really distant cousins and they keep coming....of course it's to see the country not us. we're just here to provide them free accomodation and free food.

Before we moved to Switzerland, did they ever call/email and ask how we were? NO. Now, Viola! we're the favorite cousins.
This is as shitty as the opposite situation. They are just taking advantage of you. I wouldn't accept that!
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  #45  
Old 30.03.2011, 20:34
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Re: The Me Myself and I

Nil, you have written several posts concerning your relationship with your Mother and I bet you lie awake at night having thoughts go through your mind.
It is so hurtful when family treat you badly for no reason ( I know) and if you have children it hurts even more. I cannot believe what you have written about your wedding but as you await your new son's birth you must try to put all your thoughts and energies into your own family.

The way I look at this is that - They Are The Losers - If they don't want to share their daughters big day and her beautiful children.

It is obviously playing on your mind especially now but remember that there are lots of other people who love you dearly and of course on EF ,you are one of the most popular posters!!
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  #46  
Old 30.03.2011, 20:37
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Re: The Me Myself and I

Since when are you in contact with my family Nil????
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Old 30.03.2011, 20:42
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Re: The Me Myself and I

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Folks, I see where you are coming from but I have sort of the opposite problem. I have been here 2 years and have a regular tidal flow of visitors. some of these are distant as in really distant cousins and they keep coming....of course it's to see the country not us. we're just here to provide them free accomodation and free food.

Before we moved to Switzerland, did they ever call/email and ask how we were? NO. Now, Viola! we're the favorite cousins.
Yes this has happened to me too, I just say I am busy. Of course some people have visited me and helped me and when coming here it was a pleasure really spending time with them. I got an email from an uncle that i actually HATE, because I stayed in his house once and he treated me like his maid, asking for my phone number, I erased him from my contacts.
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Old 30.03.2011, 20:43
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Re: The Me Myself and I

When I read your post Nil, I thought in some random way you were talking about me there !

I have had a hole in my heart for the last 2 years due to circumstances and I don't think it will ever get better.

I am not going to bleat on about it nor am I looking for any sympathy but wanted to say thanks for starting this one.

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  #49  
Old 30.03.2011, 20:49
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Re: The Me Myself and I

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Nil, you have written several posts concerning your relationship with your Mother and I bet you lie awake at night having thoughts go through your mind.
It is so hurtful when family treat you badly for no reason ( I know) and if you have children it hurts even more. I cannot believe what you have written about your wedding but as you await your new son's birth you must try to put all your thoughts and energies into your own family.

The way I look at this is that - They Are The Losers - If they don't want to share their daughters big day and her beautiful children.

It is obviously playing on your mind especially now but remember that there are lots of other people who love you dearly and of course on EF ,you are one of the most popular posters!!
I think it does bother me because I am at few weeks before the birth.

I don't want to drop a bomb here with something no one didn't expect but I am quite hormonal right now.... I know, Shocking isn't it?

The wedding, I don't care anymore. What I find very annoying in a way, is to see the amount of people on this forum (basically strangers) who offered me to come over and help me after the birth! Isn't that amazing? Strangers are offering it, not my family!

I am blessed with wonderful friends and I am blessed to be in contact with people with big hearts.

The good news when you don't have a great family back home is that you don't feel guilty or sad to not be closer to them, to spend more time with them. And you don't feel the need to go back one day. You are free to live where ever you want without thinking to go back home one day. Your home is where ever you want it to be, guilt free!

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Old 30.03.2011, 21:02
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Re: The Me Myself and I

Can't complain about my parents.
They are so great!
They visited us in Singapore for my first Christmas away from the family.
11 hours flight.
My father is scared of flying and he had to take some pills (problems with his heart also).
I was very moved.
My in laws on the other hand when they wanted to visit us, here and in Singapore, we had to buy their tickets, pay for everything else, cook and serve them breakfast, lunch, dinner when they stayed at home.
They are not poor but they give a lot of money to the other son who is 40 and still studying...
Oh... and when they left they asked for money!

So Nill you are not alone, nop my dear (but the wedding issue was tough).
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  #51  
Old 30.03.2011, 21:08
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Re: The Me Myself and I

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Can't complain about my parents.
They are so great!
They visited us in Singapore for my first Christmas away from the family.
11 hours flight.
My father is scared of flying and he had to take some pills (problems with his heart also).
I was very moved.
My in laws on the other hand when they wanted to visit us, here and in Singapore, we had to buy their tickets, pay for everything else, cook and serve them breakfast, lunch, dinner when they stayed at home.
They are not poor but they give a lot of money to the other son who is 40 and still studying...
Oh... and when they left they asked for money!

So Nill you are not alone, nop my dear (but the wedding issue was tough).
Some people are very greedy! They asked money? Woah! In my In-Law's culture, they expect the kids to treat them with respect and show it to them. I like to prepare them tea and serve them, etc. But they are the parents, they would never ever be the one asking for money, they are the one who would give it instead.

The parents want to be sure the kids don't miss anything and the kids want to be sure the parents don't miss anything either..

Win-win situation!
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  #52  
Old 01.04.2011, 13:22
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Re: The Me Myself and I

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Some people are very greedy! They asked money? Woah! In my In-Law's culture, they expect the kids to treat them with respect and show it to them. I like to prepare them tea and serve them, etc. But they are the parents, they would never ever be the one asking for money, they are the one who would give it instead.

The parents want to be sure the kids don't miss anything and the kids want to be sure the parents don't miss anything either..

Win-win situation!
Exactly what my parents do.
They give whatever you need (love, hug, support, money...).
They are happy when they can do something for you.

My in laws?... They think my husband is an investment they made years ago and expect payback.
All they ask from him is money.
My problem is not the financial support but the attitude and the great difference from my family.
I think that makes my husband sad and I don't really know how to deal with it.
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Old 01.04.2011, 13:35
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Re: The Me Myself and I

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Exactly what my parents do.
They give whatever you need (love, hug, support, money...).
They are happy when they can do something for you.

My in laws?... They think my husband is an investment they made years ago and expect payback.
All they ask from him is money.
My problem is not the financial support but the attitude and the great difference from my family.
I think that makes my husband sad and I don't really know how to deal with it.
Not much you can do. But one thing that helped me a lot was to feel so welcome in my husband's family. They really really love me and make me feel like their own daughter.

If your husband gets that from your parents, it doesn't make it easier to accept his family but it helps him to feel that it is not him the problem.

You can't choose your family... But we can choose what we are ready to accept or not from them. It does make me feel sad when I see how great my husband's family is, because I wish I had that too.... until I remember that I am married to him and his family is now my family too!
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Old 01.04.2011, 14:18
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Re: The Me Myself and I

I have to accept that my parents will probably never visit me. They feel I hurt them 6 years ago by leaving their faith and so I'm a black sheep and they limit all communication.

Those of my friends and family who I'd love to see either can't afford it (really, no big tv's there) or have just fallen pregnant unexpectedly and need to nest.

My husbands parents have been bitten by the travel bug since their last visit and I'm pretty sure will be over at least once a year for a substantial time each visit (last time was 5 1/2 weeks). They're already planning visits after we have kids.

Around the time we left Australia our family scattered to the four winds. Perth, Melbourne, Lakes Enterance and Noosa. Add in our friends and family in Sydney and surrounds and we will be spending more time in the air than on the ground during our 2 week visit over Christmas this year!

We're trying to get it organised so that some of us meet in Noosa but there's issues with my husbands brother in Perth. But then why should they bother coming across for Christmas? They've not attempted to be involved in a single family Christmas in the last 5 years... and they never consider anyone else but themselves, to the point where his wife tried to get us to reorganise our wedding to suit their schedule!

But at the moment I just can't face another 6 hour flight after the 25 - 30 we're taking to get there, in order to pander to people who don't take us into consideration in the least. But then I don't want my husband to go another 2 years without seeing his brother... I'll probably end up taking the trip

And don't even get me started on those relatives who had no time for us whilst we were in Australia but now want free accommodation whilst they go skiing!

Show me a person who says they don't have similar problems and I'll show you a liar
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Old 01.04.2011, 14:26
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Re: The Me Myself and I

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I have to accept that my parents will probably never visit me. They feel I hurt them 6 years ago by leaving their faith and so I'm a black sheep and they limit all communication.

Those of my friends and family who I'd love to see either can't afford it (really, no big tv's there) or have just fallen pregnant unexpectedly and need to nest.

My husbands parents have been bitten by the travel bug since their last visit and I'm pretty sure will be over at least once a year for a substantial time each visit (last time was 5 1/2 weeks). They're already planning visits after we have kids.

Around the time we left Australia our family scattered to the four winds. Perth, Melbourne, Lakes Enterance and Noosa. Add in our friends and family in Sydney and surrounds and we will be spending more time in the air than on the ground during our 2 week visit over Christmas this year!

We're trying to get it organised so that some of us meet in Noosa but there's issues with my husbands brother in Perth. But then why should they bother coming across for Christmas? They've not attempted to be involved in a single family Christmas in the last 5 years... and they never consider anyone else but themselves, to the point where his wife tried to get us to reorganise our wedding to suit their schedule!

But at the moment I just can't face another 6 hour flight after the 25 - 30 we're taking to get there, in order to pander to people who don't take us into consideration in the least. But then I don't want my husband to go another 2 years without seeing his brother... I'll probably end up taking the trip

And don't even get me started on those relatives who had no time for us whilst we were in Australia but now want free accommodation whilst they go skiing!

Show me a person who says they don't have similar problems and I'll show you a liar
Which faith did you leave? Have your parents disowned you?
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  #56  
Old 01.04.2011, 14:35
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Re: The Me Myself and I

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They think my husband is an investment they made years ago and expect payback.
are they from 3rd world country where kids are their safety net for "pension"? who decides for having kids as an investment?
crazy.
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Old 01.04.2011, 14:42
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Re: The Me Myself and I

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Show me a person who says they don't have similar problems and I'll show you a liar
big time. its in every family. and if its not travelling/visiting/keeping in contact is another problem.
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Old 01.04.2011, 14:47
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Re: The Me Myself and I

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Which faith did you leave? Have your parents disowned you?
I removed post naming the religion I was raised with as I really don't want this to become about religion bashing. My parents believe in an almighty god, I don't. They're entitled to believe what they want, just as I am.
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Old 01.04.2011, 15:05
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Re: The Me Myself and I

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I removed post naming the religion I was raised with as I really don't want this to become about religion bashing. My parents believe in an almighty god, I don't. They're entitled to believe what they want, just as I am.
It's sad that they can't accept you, that must make things very hard.
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Old 01.04.2011, 15:10
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Re: The Me Myself and I

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are they from 3rd world country where kids are their safety net for "pension"? who decides for having kids as an investment?
crazy.
I have read this post with interest as I can relate to the topic (not parents, but more distant relatives and friends, lots of friends) ... but didn't think it was my place to comment, as everthing that could have been said had already been posted.

But I find this comment very patronizing and somehow hurtful.
It is customary of certain cultures, especially asian cultures, to count on your kids for support once you get older. Not only this is not considered outrageous, but for us 'asian heritage' kids (and i use the term loosely and based on my and my friends experiences), this is something totally normal, expected and something to be proud of.

This is not to say that my parents do not have a pension fund, or that they rely 100% on me, since they are capable of taking care of themselves, but whenever they needed support (physical, or financial) it wasn't even a question IF i would help them out.
They spoil me when I go and visit, since I have been living abroad for so many years, and yes, when they do come visit they pay their own trip, but I don't let them pay anything else once they arrive, and If I am taking them somewhere nice for the weekend, it's my treat.
Why wouldn't I do something to repay the 2 people that supported me all my life now that I have the opportunity?

Not saying that this works for everyone, nor that this is even close to Nil's case, but there is no need to be offensive towards other customs.

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