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  #81  
Old 02.04.2011, 20:37
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Re: The Me Myself and I

Phdoofus has a point. I also slowly let go of friends and some family. It seems that the ones intent on keeping in touch were more interested in telling me about themselves. I have my own family so that it is more important than those contrived friendships.
I heard once on NPR that you replace 50% of your friends every 7 years. So be it.
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  #82  
Old 02.04.2011, 20:46
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Re: The Me Myself and I

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Phdoofus has a point. I also slowly let go of friends and some family. It seems that the ones intent on keeping in touch were more interested in telling me about themselves. I have my own family so that it is more important than those contrived friendships.
I heard once on NPR that you replace 50% of your friends every 7 years. So be it.
He has a point when he talks about friends, yes. Because you can choose your friends. When it comes to family, it is not as easy. You didn't choose your parents. When you are aware of that, when you know that you will never have what you wish to have with them, yes it is less painful / annoying / upsetting. But like many of us here, it isn't a matter to shut down all emotions. Sometimes, it does hurt, sometimes it does upset someone. No one in here are laying in their bed in a fetus position crying about it. We are just here to talk about it....

Why to assume that someone is at his lower level of depression because of a story told?

Yes Phddofus has a point, but just one and a very little one. For the rest, it was BS and didn't have its place.
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Old 02.04.2011, 20:47
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Re: The Me Myself and I

I think that sometimes after a lengthy consideration of parental-child conflict or differences, one of the most productive outcomes for an adult child is the firm knowledge, going forward, of how one wants to manage situations and misunderstandings with their own grown children in the future.

I love my mom, but sometimes after a disagreement I find I have to repeat to myself, "Not understanding her is, by default, a step towards understanding her." And then I pour myself a nice glass of wine!
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  #84  
Old 02.04.2011, 20:53
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Re: The Me Myself and I

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Why to assume that someone is at his lower level of depression because of a story told?
I don't think anyone does. If you put out drama posts, people will quickly either - offer a shoulder to cry on, offer their own stories, some will tell you to suck it up, some will redirect your attention from them ungrateful family and exaggeration back to yourself..You can't say to any of those to back off, really, since when you post, you will always get mixed responses. No point micromanage it and filter. Inet is all about mixed and diverse, that's the beauty of it. People might offer you a piece of advice (even one you dislike), because they care. Those who don't care, don't post.
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Old 02.04.2011, 20:56
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Re: The Me Myself and I

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I don't think anyone does. If you put out drama posts, people will quickly either - offer a shoulder to cry on, offer their own stories, some will tell you to suck it up, some will redirect your attention from them ungrateful family and exaggeration back to yourself..You can't say to any of those to back off, really, since when you post, you will always get mixed responses. No point micromanage it and filter. Inet is all about mixed and diverse, that's the beauty of it. People might offer you a piece of advice (even one you dislike), because they care. Those who don't care, don't post.
that is the whole point. If someone feels the need to say something that can hurt, someone can answer back by telling him to back off!

Work both side! But this isn't the subject of this thread, isn't it? It is in the complaints corner where someone can vent it out! The sucking up comments can be said, but won't bring anything constructive.

Can we go back on the subject now?

Please?
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  #86  
Old 02.04.2011, 21:00
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Re: The Me Myself and I

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He has a point when he talks about friends, yes. Because you can choose your friends. When it comes to family, it is not as easy.
Nil,
What you described about your mother being so distant or self-centered is disturbing. I also would be hurt by it like you are.
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  #87  
Old 02.04.2011, 21:03
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Re: The Me Myself and I

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that is the whole point. If someone feels the need to say something that can hurt, someone can answer back by telling him to back off!
Apparently, a forum legend such as yourself is unfamiliar with the 'wink' symbol, meaning something said in jest and not to be taken seriously. For whatever reason, probably your sensitive ego, it struck a nerve. If you were honest, you'd at least admit there's a lot of your bruised ego in this and possibly unresolved issues with your parents. If you were to recognize that and try to extract your ego out of the problem you would be a lot more successful at finding a solution. As it is, you just keep poking the tiger through the bars of the cage. Eventually, the tiger's going to decide that he's had just about enough of that.
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  #88  
Old 02.04.2011, 21:03
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Re: The Me Myself and I

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Maybe they've decided that they've already had enough hormonal Nil-drama in their lives and can't figure out a way to tell you other than 'we don't have the money'.

Why bother asking if you know the answer already?
MusickChick,

This is the bit that as nothing to do with this thread, is hurtful and make pretty nasty assumptions. As a joke, it is a pretty bad one, as a real comments, it is hurful and insensitive. Sometimes even a wink doesn't make it look funny!

That piece wasn't an advice nor bringing anything in this thread. Sometimes, it is better to shut up than saying something that stupid.
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  #89  
Old 02.04.2011, 21:06
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Re: The Me Myself and I

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Apparently, a forum legend such as yourself is unfamiliar with the 'wink' symbol, meaning something said in jest and not to be taken seriously. For whatever reason, probably your sensitive ego, it struck a nerve. If you were honest, you'd at least admit there's a lot of your bruised ego in this and possibly unresolved issues with your parents. If you were to recognize that and try to extract your ego out of the problem you would be a lot more successful at finding a solution. As it is, you just keep poking the tiger through the bars of the cage. Eventually, the tiger's going to decide that he's had just about enough of that.
And your ego should tell you when sometimes it is better to just shut up and not push just for the sake to prove a point.
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Old 02.04.2011, 21:07
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Re: The Me Myself and I

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that is the whole point. If someone feels the need to say something that can hurt, someone can answer back by telling him to back off!

Work both side! But this isn't the subject of this thread, isn't it? It is in the complaints corner where someone can vent it out! The sucking up comments can be said, but won't bring anything constructive.

Can we go back on the subject now?

Please?
Only if you can live with people disagreeing with you.

He was on the subject, you just didn't like his way of being constructive.

People will react in a way you might disagree with, c'est la vie.. If it is too much, just breathe.
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Old 02.04.2011, 21:11
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Re: The Me Myself and I

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Only if you can live with people disagreeing with you.

He was on the subject, you just didn't like his way of being constructive.

People will react in a way you might disagree with, c'est la vie.. If it is too much, just breathe.
No, you didn't understand my point earlier.

Someone can bring good points even if it doesn't go in the way of what I want to hear. But being nasty isn't something appropriate.

Since this thread is going completely off topic, why not close it? Because it won't go back on track anytime soon.
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Old 02.04.2011, 21:12
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Re: The Me Myself and I

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Sometimes, it is better to shut up than saying something that stupid.
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And your ego should tell you when sometimes it is better to just shut up and not push just for the sake to prove a point.
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Apparently, a forum legend such as yourself is unfamiliar with the 'wink' symbol, meaning something said in jest and not to be taken seriously. For whatever reason, probably your sensitive ego, it struck a nerve. If you were honest, you'd at least admit there's a lot of your bruised ego in this and possibly unresolved issues with your parents. If you were to recognize that and try to extract your ego out of the problem you would be a lot more successful at finding a solution. As it is, you just keep poking the tiger through the bars of the cage. Eventually, the tiger's going to decide that he's had just about enough of that.
I wouldn't try to assume too much, we can't ever know, never been in that person situ. Just because somebody is hormonal online does not give us any indication it is actually happening in real life..It can be painful.

Now. The language here is getting too high school.

Few more mins of bull talk and I blow the fuse. Each to their corner.
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Old 02.04.2011, 21:20
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Re: The Me Myself and I

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I wouldn't try to assume too much, we can't ever know, never been in that person situ. Just because somebody is hormonal online does not give us any indication it is actually happening in real life..It can be painful.

Now. The language here is getting too high school.

Few more mins of bull talk and I blow the fuse. Each to their corner.
That was my point. People were sharing experience with me on this thread. Now, let's sit back and see how many will want to jump in and tell their story... Because the chance is they might not want to be call hormonal and that's probably why their friends / family are not coming to visit, or maybe they will get someone to tell them to tough it up, to stop whinning, to get stronger, etc...

An other nice thread down the toilet because of someone's need to push a point made on a nasty comment. Yes we can say jokes, but it is also good, as adults to understand when it is appropriate or not. And when you realise the joke could have been hurtful, to back off and have enough humility to see that was wrong, it makes the person looks much bigger than just pushing the point more and more.
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Old 02.04.2011, 21:52
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Re: The Me Myself and I

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..
An other nice thread down the toilet because of someone's need to push a point made on a nasty comment...

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Sometimes, it is better to shut up than saying something that stupid.
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And your ego should tell you when sometimes it is better to just shut up and not push just for the sake to prove a point.
People share their opinions. Sometimes they assume too much, of course, but honestly, it is also their opinion. You have an ignore button. I give readers a lot more credit than just assuming they will run away and not share anymore..This thread is everybody's. Everybody understands it is a painful moment for you and you are asking for a platform to get support and cheers, obviously. The thing is, everyone gives support in a different way. If I spent too much time whining and overanalyzing to such extent it was costing me too much nerves, friends and family would certainly rub it in.

So, I wouldn't worry people will feel threatened by a comment that is not necessarily on the same boat as others.
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  #95  
Old 02.04.2011, 22:00
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Re: The Me Myself and I

Nil,
I also had a father that was very distant and a workoholic that I rarely saw (his father/my grandfather was the same apparently). He passed away when I was a teenager. There is nothing I can do about it. What I can do on the other hand is to learn from that experience and make sure that I do not replicate that behavior with my own kids.
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Old 02.04.2011, 22:07
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Re: The Me Myself and I

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Do you have those people around you?
Yes,I have! all relationships turn 'selfish' in some form or the other at some stage.

Also I believe there is a lot of generation gap that goes into these issues hence they are always more complex to deal with. 'Kids' would always feel their parents expect a lot from them, Parents will always remember the sacrifices they did for their upbringing. So no matter how much you care, it is always less.
Also I a
gree one can not choose parents, one could only wish to have less selfish more understanding parents.. The other side is you don't have them for lifetime, so cherish and give the selfless love, lead by example..you would always feel proud and happy to look back.

on the side note,

'Money' could be just an excuse they give you all the time, possibly there could be fear of flight /other anxieties that you get at old age..etc over coming to a new place, So don't disconnect your VOIP just continue the good work .




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Old 02.04.2011, 22:08
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Re: The Me Myself and I

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People share their opinions. Sometimes they assume too much, of course, but honestly, it is also their opinion. You have an ignore button. I give readers a lot more credit than just assuming they will run away and not share anymore..This thread is everybody's. Everybody understands it is a painful moment for you and you are asking for a platform to get support and cheers, obviously. The thing is, everyone gives support in a different way. If I spent too much time whining and overanalyzing to such extent it was costing me too much nerves, friends and family would certainly rub it in.

So, I wouldn't worry people will feel threatened by a comment that is not necessarily on the same boat as others.
Inshallah!
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Old 02.04.2011, 22:14
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Re: The Me Myself and I

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People share their opinions. Sometimes they assume too much, of course, but honestly, it is also their opinion. You have an ignore button. I give readers a lot more credit than just assuming they will run away and not share anymore..This thread is everybody's. Everybody understands it is a painful moment for you and you are asking for a platform to get support and cheers, obviously. The thing is, everyone gives support in a different way. If I spent too much time whining and overanalyzing to such extent it was costing me too much nerves, friends and family would certainly rub it in.

So, I wouldn't worry people will feel threatened by a comment that is not necessarily on the same boat as others.
I spend a lot of time on another forum with people from all over the world. It's mostly men. They're a lot more emotionally honest and open to having their assumptions questioned about their lives, family, relationships, etc. Honest advice isn't a thread about giving you warm fuzzy hugs and saying saying 'Aw, you poor thing!'. 'Sharing' is fine when you're feeling a little bit hurt but it only goes so far and, ultimately, if constantly sought, turns into another form of enablement. Another thing you learn is that very often all you're hearing on these forums is one person's side of the equation.
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Old 02.04.2011, 22:21
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Re: The Me Myself and I

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I spend a lot of time on another forum with people from all over the world. It's mostly men. They're a lot more emotionally honest and open to having their assumptions questioned about their lives, family, relationships, etc. Honest advice isn't a thread about giving you warm fuzzy hugs and saying saying 'Aw, you poor thing!'. 'Sharing' is fine when you're feeling a little bit hurt but it only goes so far and, ultimately, if constantly sought, turns into another form of enablement. Another thing you learn is that very often all you're hearing on these forums is one person's side of the equation.
I agree with you. Most of the time and on most of the subject. I don't argue this with you, I don't expect you to tell me "poor you". What I don't accept is assumptions or attempt of a bad joke that you tried to cover under a wink. I pointed out that was insensitive. Apparently you don't agree or refuse to see that for some people, it can be.

But you don't want to let it go, don't want to accept that it was out of line. It doesn't make me want to put you on a ignore list, I would hate to miss the good comments and opinions you give on a daily basis. But this time, you got it wrong in my book. I am not even expecting you to get that, to understand that or God forbid to admit it.

It isn't about your opinion, it is about an out of line comment. That's all.
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Old 02.04.2011, 22:33
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Re: The Me Myself and I

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are they from 3rd world country where kids are their safety net for "pension"? who decides for having kids as an investment?
crazy.
Please tell me that you know what you are talking about. And really?? 3WC are popular about this? where are you from? are you from a "1st world country" and I will never hear this happening in your country?
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