Go Back   English Forum Switzerland > Living in Switzerland > Complaints corner  
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #101  
Old 02.04.2011, 22:51
phdoofus's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: City by the Bay
Posts: 2,357
Groaned at 96 Times in 56 Posts
Thanked 3,205 Times in 1,227 Posts
phdoofus has a reputation beyond reputephdoofus has a reputation beyond reputephdoofus has a reputation beyond reputephdoofus has a reputation beyond reputephdoofus has a reputation beyond repute
Re: The Me Myself and I

Quote:
View Post
It isn't about your opinion, it is about an out of line comment. That's all.
You considered it out of line, other people didn't (privately, not in this thread). I apologize if it cut too close to the bone but you yourself make light of your own hyperemotionalism. You can't really blame me (or others) if I use it to make a point. Such are the hazards of a public forum, esp if you lay bare your soul on it. I'd give you further advice, based on some hard learned wisdom from a former girlfriend who was well versed in in psych. and anthropology but I'm clearly not the person you want to hear it from now.
We all have or had our issues with our parents, how you deal with that is important. This issue with your parents seems to be a long festering one. You really need to ask yourself some hard questions about your response to that. Normally, people might be sad and possibly a bit upset. You're clearly pissed off and unable to either let go of it or find a solution. Why is that? And just so you don't think that this is about my ego, that's my last post here.
Reply With Quote
The following 5 users would like to thank phdoofus for this useful post:
  #102  
Old 02.04.2011, 23:00
Nil's Avatar
Nil Nil is offline
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Basel
Posts: 10,356
Groaned at 428 Times in 333 Posts
Thanked 16,045 Times in 6,322 Posts
Nil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond repute
Re: The Me Myself and I

Quote:
View Post
Please tell me that you know what you are talking about. And really?? 3WC are popular about this? where are you from? are you from a "1st world country" and I will never hear this happening in your country?
I didn't want to even go there... I don't see why this is more of a third world country thing.

I think it is related to the personality itself. A friend of mine has a brother who also live in an other country than his parents and sister. For him, it is the total opposite. He is abusing of everybody in the family. He won't call nor spend a cent on a call or visit home. Never a call from him at birthdays or mother / father days. To his parents, he is always broke, always financially in trouble and can't afford anything. but in reality is that he travels everywhere, spend on luxuries and live the high life!

His parents want to visit him, but he always find an excuse to not have them over. He won't think twice to ask them money for him to travel home thought! He will spend his whole time to sit on his butt, sleep, let them do everything and he will go out and party the whole time he is there.

He is using them as cash cow. As a parent, when you try to raise your kids the best you can and get this in exchange, it most be very hurtful indeed...

A bit like the kids that send their parents to a retired home, never visit and wait for the day they get everything...
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank Nil for this useful post:
  #103  
Old 02.04.2011, 23:54
amaraya's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: lausanne
Posts: 2,239
Groaned at 20 Times in 9 Posts
Thanked 2,845 Times in 1,204 Posts
amaraya has a reputation beyond reputeamaraya has a reputation beyond reputeamaraya has a reputation beyond reputeamaraya has a reputation beyond reputeamaraya has a reputation beyond reputeamaraya has a reputation beyond repute
Re: The Me Myself and I

this is an interesting thread as i have just recently decided to defriend some i have been extremely close to for more than 15 years. it was a difficult decision, but i finally came to the conclusion that after so much time tip toeing around her ego and self centeredness it wasn't a meaningful friendship anymore- just something i held on to as a part of my past, not something that was satisfying in the way that a friendship should be. i understand your need to vent about it and that is what im going to do to-sometimes we just have to

my family and i travelled very far and spent a ton of money to be there for her wedding. we were happy to go and celebrate and it happened to be in the country where my family is from so we decided to go for the one week break we had last month to be there for her, instead of our original plan of going to stay with family for 3 weeks in the summer. things were great until she basically had a temper trantrum in front of her guests and completely humiliated her own mother in front of everyone! it was uncomfortable and very sad, but it didnt shock me as i know how self involved she can be about things and how she expects everyone to do as she pleases. following this tantrum, she refused to spend anytime with her guests (who travelled all this way to be there for her) we ended up having a great time with my other friends and my family, but it was very rude and immature that she didnt even say goodbye or thank you to any of the guests that left 3 days later, not a word, nothing.

after we arrived home, i sent her a letter telling her how i felt, expecting some kind of word or apology or something- nope. she just wrote about how angry she was at her mother and how she ruined her honeymoon. bah, my hubby and i kind of laugh about it now-its pretty ridiculous- but at times like that you realize that some friendships work well at a specific time under specific circumstances and there comes a time when there is nothing to sustain the bad when it completely overrides the good.

oh well, it can be good then, it leaves a space open for someone new in your life...
__________________
'there isn't enough of anything as long as we live.
but at intervals a sweetness appears and, given a chance prevails'
Reply With Quote
The following 9 users would like to thank amaraya for this useful post:
  #104  
Old 03.04.2011, 00:29
HollidayG's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Kanton Zürich
Posts: 3,038
Groaned at 50 Times in 35 Posts
Thanked 1,180 Times in 738 Posts
HollidayG has an excellent reputationHollidayG has an excellent reputationHollidayG has an excellent reputationHollidayG has an excellent reputation
Re: The Me Myself and I

amaraya. Thanks for sharing that. There have been a few friends of mine
that have behaved very badly the times that I have seen them.

I think it is time for me to cut the cord!
Reply With Quote
The following 3 users would like to thank HollidayG for this useful post:
  #105  
Old 03.04.2011, 07:30
Nil's Avatar
Nil Nil is offline
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Basel
Posts: 10,356
Groaned at 428 Times in 333 Posts
Thanked 16,045 Times in 6,322 Posts
Nil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond repute
Re: The Me Myself and I

Quote:
View Post
this is an interesting thread as i have just recently decided to defriend some i have been extremely close to for more than 15 years. it was a difficult decision, but i finally came to the conclusion that after so much time tip toeing around her ego and self centeredness it wasn't a meaningful friendship anymore- just something i held on to as a part of my past, not something that was satisfying in the way that a friendship should be. i understand your need to vent about it and that is what im going to do to-sometimes we just have to

my family and i travelled very far and spent a ton of money to be there for her wedding. we were happy to go and celebrate and it happened to be in the country where my family is from so we decided to go for the one week break we had last month to be there for her, instead of our original plan of going to stay with family for 3 weeks in the summer. things were great until she basically had a temper trantrum in front of her guests and completely humiliated her own mother in front of everyone! it was uncomfortable and very sad, but it didnt shock me as i know how self involved she can be about things and how she expects everyone to do as she pleases. following this tantrum, she refused to spend anytime with her guests (who travelled all this way to be there for her) we ended up having a great time with my other friends and my family, but it was very rude and immature that she didnt even say goodbye or thank you to any of the guests that left 3 days later, not a word, nothing.

after we arrived home, i sent her a letter telling her how i felt, expecting some kind of word or apology or something- nope. she just wrote about how angry she was at her mother and how she ruined her honeymoon. bah, my hubby and i kind of laugh about it now-its pretty ridiculous- but at times like that you realize that some friendships work well at a specific time under specific circumstances and there comes a time when there is nothing to sustain the bad when it completely overrides the good.

oh well, it can be good then, it leaves a space open for someone new in your life...
You went out of your way for her, spend lots of money to be there for her on her big day and she wasn't not even grateful. Maybe she had a good reason to be mad at her mother, but to ruin everybody's time for her own melo-drama theater play was pretty selfish and disrespectful for everybody's effort.

It is just sad that it cost you time, energy, money and the year's vacation to find that out. It reminds me my own Christmas vacation flop.

You can avoid it with some people but with some others, you can't see it coming until you are in the situation.
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank Nil for this useful post:
  #106  
Old 03.04.2011, 08:49
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: zürich
Posts: 3,194
Groaned at 105 Times in 79 Posts
Thanked 3,987 Times in 1,625 Posts
i-b-deborah has a reputation beyond reputei-b-deborah has a reputation beyond reputei-b-deborah has a reputation beyond reputei-b-deborah has a reputation beyond reputei-b-deborah has a reputation beyond reputei-b-deborah has a reputation beyond repute
Re: The Me Myself and I

Yes, Phdoofus! Stop it!

Quote:
View Post
And your ego should tell you when sometimes it is better to just shut up and not push just to wake the sleeping, hormonal dragon.
When's that baby coming out Nil?

Last edited by i-b-deborah; 03.04.2011 at 09:55. Reason: bolded the ftfy part so as not to confuse the doofus.... which it did.
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank i-b-deborah for this useful post:
  #107  
Old 03.04.2011, 09:53
Nil's Avatar
Nil Nil is offline
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Basel
Posts: 10,356
Groaned at 428 Times in 333 Posts
Thanked 16,045 Times in 6,322 Posts
Nil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond repute
Re: The Me Myself and I

Quote:
View Post
Yes, Phdoofus! Stop it!

Quote:
And your ego should tell you when sometimes it is better to just shut up and not push just to wake the sleeping, hormonal dragon.
When's that baby coming out Nil?
Love the quote!

Soon, very soon!
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank Nil for this useful post:
  #108  
Old 03.04.2011, 09:56
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: zürich
Posts: 3,194
Groaned at 105 Times in 79 Posts
Thanked 3,987 Times in 1,625 Posts
i-b-deborah has a reputation beyond reputei-b-deborah has a reputation beyond reputei-b-deborah has a reputation beyond reputei-b-deborah has a reputation beyond reputei-b-deborah has a reputation beyond reputei-b-deborah has a reputation beyond repute
Re: The Me Myself and I

Your hormones don't scare me!
much!

Quote:
View Post
Love the quote!

Soon, very soon!
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank i-b-deborah for this useful post:
  #109  
Old 03.04.2011, 10:00
Nil's Avatar
Nil Nil is offline
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Basel
Posts: 10,356
Groaned at 428 Times in 333 Posts
Thanked 16,045 Times in 6,322 Posts
Nil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond repute
Re: The Me Myself and I

Quote:
View Post
Your hormones don't scare me!
much!
That's because I like you!
Reply With Quote
  #110  
Old 05.04.2011, 13:34
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: The Me Myself and I

I am so with you on this.

Recently, before I left Dublin, I had this American work colleague visit me. Now, I barely knew the fella, barring a couple of drinks shared when I was in Texas on some work training.

Not sure why he came to Ireland, I think just to impress his friends at home, certainly he wasn't interested in any of the sites I dragged him round. Just wanted to party all the time, which was ok, but the concept of paying for a round seemed alien to him... that and I picked him up at the airport, dropped him off at stupid o' clock in the morning, took time off work, and he didn't say thanks either. Not a clue.

Now he wants to come and visit here, comments on all my FB pictures of Switzerland. My girlfriend said she'd kill me if I 'let' him come over, not invite you understand, he's already asked.

All my mates thought he was a tosser too. TOTALLY clueless.

Anyway, I completely digressed there. What i meant to say was that I was missing a wedding of a friend of mine this summer, just because I can't afford it yet, just moved here, you know... but I am going on his stag. I think it's all about intent vs excuses, you know what I mean.
Reply With Quote
  #111  
Old 05.04.2011, 13:52
dodgyken's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Democratic Republic Kenistan
Posts: 10,653
Groaned at 279 Times in 230 Posts
Thanked 19,403 Times in 7,402 Posts
dodgyken has a reputation beyond reputedodgyken has a reputation beyond reputedodgyken has a reputation beyond reputedodgyken has a reputation beyond reputedodgyken has a reputation beyond reputedodgyken has a reputation beyond repute
Re: The Me Myself and I

Don't get me started on the number of trips I have taken to the UK - giving plenty of notice to all the family - and then my sister not be available.

I made sure that, on the upcoming trip, everyone know what we were doing, when and when they were expected to fit in. If they didn't, tough.

It worked!
Reply With Quote
  #112  
Old 19.04.2011, 12:57
flow23's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Zürich
Posts: 3,029
Groaned at 91 Times in 69 Posts
Thanked 1,777 Times in 963 Posts
flow23 has a reputation beyond reputeflow23 has a reputation beyond reputeflow23 has a reputation beyond reputeflow23 has a reputation beyond reputeflow23 has a reputation beyond reputeflow23 has a reputation beyond repute
Re: The Me Myself and I

Quote:
View Post
Not saying that this works for everyone, nor that this is even close to Nil's case, but there is no need to be offensive towards other customs.

ValeC
where have i been offensive?
i think there is a difference between customs and THE NEED to have kids as "pension". i think nobody would ever let their parents down apart from selfish pr*cks. so this is not a special custom in any other country, may it be 3rd or 1st world (stupid terms, but i dont know any better)

but i (I ) would never bring up a child n then say "you're an investment, pay me back?" who says that the spent money on that child laters pays back better than a fund or any other financial thingy from a bank?
Reply With Quote
  #113  
Old 04.05.2011, 08:20
Nil's Avatar
Nil Nil is offline
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Basel
Posts: 10,356
Groaned at 428 Times in 333 Posts
Thanked 16,045 Times in 6,322 Posts
Nil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond repute
Re: The Me Myself and I

How funny,

A friend of mine found out that we are moving away and where we are moving.

Her reaction?

-Finally a place I would like to visit...

I feel like I will be out of town when she is going to plan her trip...
Reply With Quote
The following 8 users would like to thank Nil for this useful post:
  #114  
Old 04.05.2011, 11:15
adrianlondon's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Basel
Posts: 9,131
Groaned at 170 Times in 153 Posts
Thanked 25,643 Times in 6,892 Posts
adrianlondon has a reputation beyond reputeadrianlondon has a reputation beyond reputeadrianlondon has a reputation beyond reputeadrianlondon has a reputation beyond reputeadrianlondon has a reputation beyond reputeadrianlondon has a reputation beyond repute
Re: The Me Myself and I

Quote:
View Post
Her reaction?

-Finally a place I would like to visit...
Your friend does have a point, though
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank adrianlondon for this useful post:
  #115  
Old 04.05.2011, 18:27
glennsche's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: zurich
Posts: 303
Groaned at 9 Times in 7 Posts
Thanked 425 Times in 139 Posts
glennsche has an excellent reputationglennsche has an excellent reputationglennsche has an excellent reputationglennsche has an excellent reputation
Re: The Me Myself and I

Nil,

your first few posts were so poignant to our situation my wife and i swore we could've written it ourselves. absolutely outstanding posts, and encapsulate well an aspect of the expat experience.

i think part of the "me me me" part of the conversations with people "back home" (whereever that may be) is due in part to the fact that they're fiercely jealous of what they perceive our lives here to be; we're living this ideal that they cant really relate to, so they have to "one up" about hubbys new promotion or how great the kids are and dont really wanna hear how we are since it reinforces their unfounded stereotype that we've some how "won" and have no problems, no need to vent, no need to cry on a shoulder... we're in magical mystical switzerland with unicorns and cheese and mountains and fairies and wheeeee

again, thank you. absolutely awesome posts.
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank glennsche for this useful post:
Reply




Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT +2. The time now is 18:01.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2022, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
LinkBacks Enabled by vBSEO 3.1.0