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  #21  
Old 03.05.2011, 14:14
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Re: Why England has got nothing on Switzerland!

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Women- Show them a packet of Walkers crisps and they will jump into bed with you.

English language- In North England they don't even speak English but mumble some horrible accent that they pass for English.

Filthy- Rubbish all over the streets. Not even talking about the prego teenagers. It's actually filthy and like a third world country. In a third world country I could blame lack of education but what can I blame in England? Yes the English.

AA- God do they have an alcohol problem.

Yellow teeth- It's true

I could continue all day but I need to dump my English girlfriend from Newcastle now that I am back in Switzerland. The one good thing about England is the Queen. She is a classy lady and know how to rule the English peasants.
Well if you lived in Newcastle I can see your point.
  #22  
Old 03.05.2011, 14:15
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Re: Why England has got nothing on Switzerland!

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My job forced me to move to England but after living there for 4 years I am finally back <yak> <yak> <yak>
I could continue all day
You missed humour - and, oh yes - tolerance...
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  #23  
Old 03.05.2011, 14:15
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Re: Why England has got nothing on Switzerland!

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My job forced me to move to England but after living there for 4 years I am finally back to sweet Switzerland. NEVER AGAIN! English seem to moan about Switzerland but after getting a whiff of England I can confirm that joke is on England. Here are some reasons why Switzerland is superior to England.

Women- England is one big national park full of whales and penguins. God almighty initially I thought that all the ladies were pregnant but my colleague informed me that they were fat and not pregnant. No wonder English find Swiss girls hard to pull as women in England are just too easy. Show them a packet of Walkers crisps and they will jump into bed with you.

English language- In North England they don't even speak English but mumble some horrible accent that they pass for English.

Filthy- Rubbish all over the streets. Not even talking about the prego teenagers. It's actually filthy and like a third world country. In a third world country I could blame lack of education but what can I blame in England? Yes the English.

AA- God do they have an alcohol problem.

Yellow teeth- It's true

I could continue all day but I need to dump my English girlfriend from Newcastle now that I am back in Switzerland. The one good thing about England is the Queen. She is a classy lady and know how to rule the English peasants.
If you had stronger convictions, and weren't a "Yes-man" to your employer (Walkers Crisps come to mind), you should have come home and not endured such hardships and slumming it for so long - or did you only conveniently realise the above at the end of the 4 years.
  #24  
Old 03.05.2011, 14:18
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Re: Why England has got nothing on Switzerland!

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Women- England is one big national park full of whales and penguins. God almighty initially I thought that all the ladies were pregnant but my colleague informed me that they were fat and not pregnant. No wonder English find Swiss girls hard to pull as women in England are just too easy. Show them a packet of Walkers crisps and they will jump into bed with you.

the recession must have really bitten then, in my day it was at least a meal at pizza hut, or if the bird was really posh - beefeater
  #25  
Old 03.05.2011, 14:19
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Re: Why England has got nothing on Switzerland!

Swisscheese1 must be the first person ever who does not complain about the weather in England!
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  #26  
Old 03.05.2011, 14:21
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Re: Why England has got nothing on Switzerland!

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You must be kidding.

I made three trips there in '84, two weeks each, and survived on breakfast and beer (plus hovercraft trips to Calais for a decent meal), the only things I could find worth consuming.

Tom
That was in 84! Twenty-five years ago.
  #27  
Old 03.05.2011, 14:21
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Re: Why England has got nothing on Switzerland!

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...I made three trips there in '84, two weeks each, and survived on breakfast and beer ...
Exactly. Great British food. In fact, you're making me homesick.

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Is this a wind up?
Does the Pope sing to rodents?
  #28  
Old 03.05.2011, 14:23
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Re: Why England has got nothing on Switzerland!

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That was in 84! Twenty-five years ago.
27.

Have things changed?

(other than there no longer being a hovercraft service to Calais)

Tom
  #29  
Old 03.05.2011, 14:23
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Re: Why England has got nothing on Switzerland!

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You must be incredibly immature if you think that a person's worth as a human being revolves around their weight, accent or the color of their teeth. I think you're doing your English girlfriend a huge favor by dumping her.
Maybe I know what I enjoy. I will leave the fat ladies with yellow teeth and clown accent for my English mates to feast on.
I will do my English bird a favour by phone tonight. I think it would be unfair of me to hold on to the only good looking slim chick in England
  #30  
Old 03.05.2011, 14:24
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Re: Why England has got nothing on Switzerland!

Swisscheese!

Where did you live in England to get such a negative insight into England?

Did you ever south?

And I notice you've picked up the negative moaning characteristic after being there 4 years!
  #31  
Old 03.05.2011, 14:25
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Re: Why England has got nothing on Switzerland!

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Women- Show them a packet of Walkers crisps and they will jump into bed with you.
That's a positive, especially considering the price of eating out here in CH.

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English language- In North England they don't even speak English but mumble some horrible accent that they pass for English.
It's endearing, duck.

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Filthy- Rubbish all over the streets. Not even talking about the prego teenagers. It's actually filthy and like a third world country. In a third world country I could blame lack of education but what can I blame in England? Yes the English.
Another valid point, though to counter, dare I mention dog ends?


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AA- God do they have an alcohol problem.
Hardly a problem.


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Yellow teeth- It's true
That's because we are so pale.
  #32  
Old 03.05.2011, 14:27
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Re: Why England has got nothing on Switzerland!

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Actually I hate Wales - full of Welsh people
Well you get your water from Wales in Brum. Must pee in it next time I'm over!
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  #33  
Old 03.05.2011, 14:29
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Re: Why England has got nothing on Switzerland!

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My job forced me to move to England but after living there for 4 years I am finally back to sweet Switzerland. NEVER AGAIN! English seem to moan about Switzerland but after getting a whiff of England I can confirm that joke is on England. Here are some reasons why Switzerland is superior to England.

Women- England is one big national park full of whales and penguins. God almighty initially I thought that all the ladies were pregnant but my colleague informed me that they were fat and not pregnant. No wonder English find Swiss girls hard to pull as women in England are just too easy. Show them a packet of Walkers crisps and they will jump into bed with you.

English language- In North England they don't even speak English but mumble some horrible accent that they pass for English.

Filthy- Rubbish all over the streets. Not even talking about the prego teenagers. It's actually filthy and like a third world country. In a third world country I could blame lack of education but what can I blame in England? Yes the English.

AA- God do they have an alcohol problem.

Yellow teeth- It's true

I could continue all day but I need to dump my English girlfriend from Newcastle now that I am back in Switzerland. The one good thing about England is the Queen. She is a classy lady and know how to rule the English peasants.
Racist.

But then I'm Scottish so I do partly agree with a lot of your English comments (joke), good thing you didn't say British or Scottish because I'd then have to hurt you, another thing the Brits are good at, especially the Scottish, we could all share some of that culture with you...
  #34  
Old 03.05.2011, 14:29
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Re: Why England has got nothing on Switzerland!

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Maybe I know what I enjoy. I will leave the fat ladies with yellow teeth and clown accent for my English mates to feast on.
I will do my English bird a favour by phone tonight. I think it would be unfair of me to hold on to the only good looking slim chick in England
I'm from Newcastle. I love it - even the perennial disappointment of supporting Newcastle United.

I can see why you hate it though, just from the few sentences you've written so far. Your best back here. It's nice n safe. none of those ruffians.
  #35  
Old 03.05.2011, 14:30
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Re: Why England has got nothing on Switzerland!

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Oh the irony of a Swiss complaining about the idiosyncracies of the regional English accents.
But is he really Swiss, because he seems to display a mastery of our slang and colloquialisms for what was a relatively short stay
  #36  
Old 03.05.2011, 14:31
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Re: Why England has got nothing on Switzerland!

Don't feed the troll
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  #37  
Old 03.05.2011, 14:33
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Re: Why England has got nothing on Switzerland!

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But is he really Swiss, because he seems to display a mastery of our slang and colloquialisms for what was a relatively short stay
He's probably picked up some of the Newcastle culture.
After 5 years here, I'll go back to England stuck up my own arse.
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Old 03.05.2011, 14:35
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Re: Why England has got nothing on Switzerland!

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Swisscheese1 must be the first person ever who does not complain about the weather in England!
I had a long list but I did not want to overwhelm my English mates. No point kicking people when they are down. More importantly I saw too much exposed lard in the middle of winter there. Praying for good weather in England would be like praying for lard nightmare for rest of my life. Additionally I used to think we Swiss were white and pasty but thanks to English men I feel like a bronzed sex God.
  #39  
Old 03.05.2011, 14:36
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Re: Why England has got nothing on Switzerland!

Welcome home again, back in the Heimat! Welcome to the Forum! That was quite an introductory speech you made. You can operate the "thanks button" if you don't get banned before you have made 10 posts.

I go back to UK every year, and thank you Swiss-cheese1 your post makes interesting reading, it is really good to read the views from the other side, seriously! But then the British are descended from northern tribes and are very tolerant.

If you like frigid skinny chicks, all dressed in black, eating smelly cheese, no sense of humour, impatient when the bus is 5 minutes late, enjoying a strong consumer led society, spying on the neighbours, you will really feel at home here. Good luck!

PS: a little tip for your next trip; you can tell when Essex girls are having an orgasm, they put Hello magazine down & crunch the Walkers crisps bag.
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Old 03.05.2011, 14:39
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Re: Why England has got nothing on Switzerland!

My burning question to Swisscheese1 is: But did you have your own laundry facilities?
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