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Old 03.05.2011, 13:48
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Why England has got nothing on Switzerland!

My job forced me to move to England but after living there for 4 years I am finally back to sweet Switzerland. NEVER AGAIN! English seem to moan about Switzerland but after getting a whiff of England I can confirm that joke is on England. Here are some reasons why Switzerland is superior to England.

Women- England is one big national park full of whales and penguins. God almighty initially I thought that all the ladies were pregnant but my colleague informed me that they were fat and not pregnant. No wonder English find Swiss girls hard to pull as women in England are just too easy. Show them a packet of Walkers crisps and they will jump into bed with you.

English language- In North England they don't even speak English but mumble some horrible accent that they pass for English.

Filthy- Rubbish all over the streets. Not even talking about the prego teenagers. It's actually filthy and like a third world country. In a third world country I could blame lack of education but what can I blame in England? Yes the English.

AA- God do they have an alcohol problem.

Yellow teeth- It's true

I could continue all day but I need to dump my English girlfriend from Newcastle now that I am back in Switzerland. The one good thing about England is the Queen. She is a classy lady and know how to rule the English peasants.
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Old 03.05.2011, 13:50
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Re: Why England has got nothing on Switzerland!

Welcome to the forum

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My job forced me to move to England but after living there for 4 years I am finally back to sweet Switzerland. NEVER AGAIN! English seem to moan about Switzerland but after getting a whiff of England I can confirm that joke is on England. Here are some reasons why Switzerland is superior to England.

Women- England is one big national park full of whales and penguins. God almighty initially I thought that all the ladies were pregnant but my colleague informed me that they were fat and not pregnant. No wonder English find Swiss girls hard to pull as women in England are just too easy. Show them a packet of Walkers crisps and they will jump into bed with you.

English language- In North England they don't even speak English but mumble some horrible accent that they pass for English.

Filthy- Rubbish all over the streets. Not even talking about the prego teenagers. It's actually filthy and like a third world country. In a third world country I could blame lack of education but what can I blame in England? Yes the English.

AA- God do they have an alcohol problem.

Yellow teeth- It's true

I could continue all day but I need to dump my English girlfriend from Newcastle now that I am back in Switzerland. The one good thing about England is the Queen. She is a classy lady and know how to rule the English peasants.
So that's what I was doing wrong all those years ago.
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Old 03.05.2011, 13:51
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Re: Why England has got nothing on Switzerland!

Ah divvun kna whut thas wuttering an aboot thou daft bint o' a hinny.
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Old 03.05.2011, 13:52
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Re: Why England has got nothing on Switzerland!

Obviously your British Boyfriend dumped you because you are so boring.
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Old 03.05.2011, 13:52
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Re: Why England has got nothing on Switzerland!

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My job forced me to move to England but after living there for 4 years I am finally back to sweet Switzerland. NEVER AGAIN! English seem to moan about Switzerland but after getting a whiff of England I can confirm that joke is on England. Here are some reasons why Switzerland is superior to England.

Women- England is one big national park full of whales and penguins. God almighty initially I thought that all the ladies were pregnant but my colleague informed me that they were fat and not pregnant. No wonder English find Swiss girls hard to pull as women in England are just too easy. Show them a packet of Walkers crisps and they will jump into bed with you.

English language- In North England they don't even speak English but mumble some horrible accent that they pass for English.

Filthy- Rubbish all over the streets. Not even talking about the prego teenagers. It's actually filthy and like a third world country. In a third world country I could blame lack of education but what can I blame in England? Yes the English.

AA- God do they have an alcohol problem.

Yellow teeth- It's true

I could continue all day but I need to dump my English girlfriend from Newcastle now that I am back in Switzerland. The one good thing about England is the Queen. She is a classy lady and know how to rule the English peasants.
go on there my son. 'ave it! You tell 'em!
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Old 03.05.2011, 13:55
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Re: Why England has got nothing on Switzerland!

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Welcome to the forum



So that's what I was doing wrong all those years ago.
If showing does not work then throw them one crisp while holding on to the family pack. It works like a charm
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Old 03.05.2011, 13:56
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Re: Why England has got nothing on Switzerland!

Ooops, I forgot this bit which I have fixed slightly for you (well, I am from the north)


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German language- In North Switzerland they don't even speak German but mumble some horrible accent that they pass for German.
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Old 03.05.2011, 13:58
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Re: Why England has got nothing on Switzerland!

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English language- In North England they don't even speak English but mumble some horrible accent that they pass for English.
Ah tell thi wha, thac'n tek thi high an' mighty attitude an tek it back ower t'Switz'land wiyer! Ar dare ya cum ower ier and norreeven bother learnin' t'local dialect. Never in all me puff...
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Old 03.05.2011, 13:58
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Re: Why England has got nothing on Switzerland!

You certainly know how to make friends SwissCheese
Zuritutsch is of course very superior to Geordie (I know which I prefer- one of them makes me laugh..).

Well, as a Swiss I lived in the UK in various locations for almost 40 years- and a big part of my heart is still in England. People who spend more energy complaining and criticizing, often say more about themselves ...
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Old 03.05.2011, 14:00
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Re: Why England has got nothing on Switzerland!

England - fat and happy
Switzerland - thin and miserable

nuff said
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Old 03.05.2011, 14:00
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Re: Why England has got nothing on Switzerland!

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My job forced me to move to England but after living there for 4 years I am finally back to sweet Switzerland. NEVER AGAIN! English seem to moan about Switzerland but after getting a whiff of England I can confirm that joke is on England. Here are some reasons why Switzerland is superior to England.

Women- England is one big national park full of whales and penguins. God almighty initially I thought that all the ladies were pregnant but my colleague informed me that they were fat and not pregnant. No wonder English find Swiss girls hard to pull as women in England are just too easy. Show them a packet of Walkers crisps and they will jump into bed with you.

English language- In North England they don't even speak English but mumble some horrible accent that they pass for English.

Filthy- Rubbish all over the streets. Not even talking about the prego teenagers. It's actually filthy and like a third world country. In a third world country I could blame lack of education but what can I blame in England? Yes the English.

AA- God do they have an alcohol problem.

Yellow teeth- It's true

I could continue all day but I need to dump my English girlfriend from Newcastle now that I am back in Switzerland. The one good thing about England is the Queen. She is a classy lady and know how to rule the English peasants.
You can tell you're Swiss - you didn't comment on the food (the excellent British food, I might add).
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Old 03.05.2011, 14:03
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Re: Why England has got nothing on Switzerland!

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You can tell you're Swiss - you didn't comment on the food (the excellent British food, I might add).
You must be kidding.

I made three trips there in '84, two weeks each, and survived on breakfast and beer (plus hovercraft trips to Calais for a decent meal), the only things I could find worth consuming.

Tom
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Old 03.05.2011, 14:03
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Re: Why England has got nothing on Switzerland!

I feel quite insulted...

Not too sure whether it was the massive generalisations tinged with bitterness...
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Old 03.05.2011, 14:08
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Re: Why England has got nothing on Switzerland!

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England - fat and happy
Switzerland - thin and miserable

nuff said
Let me fix it for you

England - Fat and happy if you are looking for a mattress otherwise run down, broke and miserable.
Switzerland - Thin and sexy. Dolphins are nicer than whales.

Btw how do I thank posts here?
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Old 03.05.2011, 14:08
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Re: Why England has got nothing on Switzerland!

I never lived in England, just visited - and I am a big fan - so I really cannot comment on life there, but for all the (many) places I have lived in, I found that it was never a black-or-white thing, and right now I could come up with a list of things I hated and things I loved for each of those places, Switzerland included.

Surely it was not all bad if you decided to stay 4 years?

I am sorry that you had a bad experience, I guess I am just surprised about your all-negative attitude.

Hope that your stay in Switzerland turns out to be a good one. Stay positive!
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Old 03.05.2011, 14:11
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Re: Why England has got nothing on Switzerland!

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Dolphins are nicer than whales.
Actually, dolphins ARE whales!

(and whale is yummy!)

Tom
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Old 03.05.2011, 14:11
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Re: Why England has got nothing on Switzerland!

Is this a wind up?
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Old 03.05.2011, 14:12
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Re: Why England has got nothing on Switzerland!

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My job forced me to move to England but after living there for 4 years I am finally back to sweet Switzerland. NEVER AGAIN! English seem to moan about Switzerland but after getting a whiff of England I can confirm that joke is on England. Here are some reasons why Switzerland is superior to England.

Women- England is one big national park full of whales and penguins. God almighty initially I thought that all the ladies were pregnant but my colleague informed me that they were fat and not pregnant. No wonder English find Swiss girls hard to pull as women in England are just too easy. Show them a packet of Walkers crisps and they will jump into bed with you.

English language- In North England they don't even speak English but mumble some horrible accent that they pass for English.

Filthy- Rubbish all over the streets. Not even talking about the prego teenagers. It's actually filthy and like a third world country. In a third world country I could blame lack of education but what can I blame in England? Yes the English.

AA- God do they have an alcohol problem.

Yellow teeth- It's true

I could continue all day but I need to dump my English girlfriend from Newcastle now that I am back in Switzerland. The one good thing about England is the Queen. She is a classy lady and know how to rule the English peasants.
You must be incredibly immature if you think that a person's worth as a human being revolves around their weight, accent or the color of their teeth.
I think you're doing your English girlfriend a huge favor by dumping her.
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Old 03.05.2011, 14:13
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Re: Why England has got nothing on Switzerland!

Actually I hate Wales - full of Welsh people
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Old 03.05.2011, 14:13
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Re: Why England has got nothing on Switzerland!

Oh the irony of a Swiss complaining about the idiosyncracies of the regional English accents.
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