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  #21  
Old 09.08.2011, 22:40
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Re: People shouting at my child ...

i think i get yelled by angry old people all the time, but i dont understand what they say
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  #22  
Old 09.08.2011, 22:44
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Re: People shouting at my child ...

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i think i get yelled by angry old people all the time, but i dont understand what they say
Thanks for lightening the mood. I needed that!
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Old 09.08.2011, 22:44
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Re: People shouting at my child ...

Hi,

Perhaps it's worth learning a few phrases in German just to describe your son's learning difficulties - just so if he does have an episode somewhere you can put people around at ease. I think once people understand the situation they will give you and your son a break.

As a parent I quickly got used to my son kicking off with a tantrum in the least convenient circumstances - and have sympathy for other parents when a kid decides to throw a wobbler in the middle of Migros etc. In my case, people just give you a knowing look of "been there....got the T-shirt".

Cheers,
Nick
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Old 09.08.2011, 22:46
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Re: People shouting at my child ...

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And Mrs HunkeyDorey - thank you. Parenting my second child has been, and still is, a steep learning curve. It involves not only a lot of guilt about how I responded to/thought of other children, but also a lot of guilt about how I feel about my child now - who can be so loving yet such a challenge.


Anyway, thank you all of you for letting me moan.
Sounds like we are / have been in the same boat. It does get easier I promise you but them other issues arrive but we just get better at dealing with them. Our sons difficulties seems so similar yet so very different! Your son must feel so frustrated not being able to speak and express himself properly. Keeping calm definately does help, count to five and smille at them - they may be in the same boat as us one day! Fingers crossed it doesn't sink
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Old 09.08.2011, 22:50
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Re: People shouting at my child ...

PS have you actually had your son assessed by a professional? I am assuming you have.

Cheers,
Nick
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  #26  
Old 09.08.2011, 22:50
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Re: People shouting at my child ...

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I don't see this as being a weird thing at all. I would probably react the same way if I thought the lift alarm was about to be rung. Aiaiaia! The "nein" was probably the automatic reaction Explaining the reason for it, to you, actually sounds like a polite explanation for the "nein." Rather than ignoring him, a smile, or a laughing "Yes, I know, that was close," may have been an alternative response.
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From the way you described it, I don't think it was meant in a bad way. It sounds like the "schoene abend" was the apology part.

Cheers,
Nick
You are both probably right.. Just a knee jerk response from an over tired and over dramatic mom

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Thank you all for your really supportive posts. I'm on my own at the moment (husband back home) so I far better to share with you then sit here getting even more worked up.

As you've probably guessed from the title, it isn't the first time someone has commented to me on my child's behaviours and I'm sure it won't be the last ... indeed, on my way back up to the apartment this evening, we stopped at the village shop and younger son started to whine (really, just whine .. like any other tired pre-schooler would) and immediately the owner says "that noise goes outside .." Coming on top of the train driver, it wasn't so good ...

Anthony 1406 you make a good point which I try to remember ... things said "normally" in Swiss German often do sound more abrupt and rude than they actually are .. perhaps the shopowner was only trying to assist me in quietening him down .. (btw - he doesn't have a reputation of bad behaviour in this shop - I very rarely go in there)

Sandgrounder - thanks for the suggestion - I wondered about writing to the railway too, but then it is not as if my son has a big hand pointing to him saying "developmental delays" - and in many respects he is quite normal, but I often wonder if it were more obvious that he had problems, if people would react the same way.

And J_T - you put your finger on a rather sensitive issue for me .. I do try to hush him up or tell him off and I know this will actually only make it worse but when I feel everyone staring at me I just feel I have to do something ... when I stay calm, he stays much calmer too. But its really hard when I feel people are staring at me wondering why I let my son scream at me ...

And Mrs HunkeyDorey - thank you. Parenting my second child has been, and still is, a steep learning curve. It involves not only a lot of guilt about how I responded to/thought of other children, but also a lot of guilt about how I feel about my child now - who can be so loving yet such a challenge.


Anyway, thank you all of you for letting me moan.
Big hug <3
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Old 09.08.2011, 22:52
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Re: People shouting at my child ...

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Hi,

Perhaps it's worth learning a few phrases in German just to describe your son's learning difficulties - just so if he does have an episode somewhere you can put people around at ease. I think once people understand the situation they will give you and your son a break.

Cheers,
Nick
It's a good point - but then I think is it fair to keep bringing his "problems" up and also, he's my child and I have to deal with him, so by doing that am I just trying to make excuses for the fact that sometimes, I can't. But I do have all the lingo ... we have had enough reports done by now for me to be something of a specialist in German on this subject .. alas.
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Old 09.08.2011, 22:59
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Re: People shouting at my child ...

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Ignore it....don't let it affect you. But the next time give the driver a piece of mind...i.e scream at the driver. One can not predict the behavior of Children. The swiss have to learn tolerance....
A lot of people need to learn to be more tolerant in many situations. This is not unique to the Swiss. But fortunately there are exceptions.

I once saw a child throw a tantrum in the local grocery store that was unlike anything I had ever seen. The mom stayed very calm and the store staff were very understanding. I really felt for the mom, but if you have had kids, you just know this can happen, with any child.
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  #29  
Old 09.08.2011, 23:04
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Re: People shouting at my child ...

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PS have you actually had your son assessed by a professional? I am assuming you have.

Cheers,
Nick
Oh yes. Non specific pervasive developmental disorder. Bit of a mouthful so I generally just refer to learning difficulties. It manifests itself mainly in his inability to speak much .. in many many areas, he seems, and is, perfectly normal - and whilst his behaviour can be difficult, to be honest, it is nothing that I have not witnessed before, either in scale or intensity, in other quite normal children. I guess it just hurts that bit more when you know that there are really good reasons for why he sometimes does what he does.

It would clearly also help if I stopped being so sensitive about it ...
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  #30  
Old 09.08.2011, 23:47
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Re: People shouting at my child ...

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Not really sure this is a complaint but just wanted to offload as I'm feeling pretty upset at the moment ...

My 3 and a half year old boy has developmental delays which affect particulary his speech. Today we were out in the mountains and were about to go into a funicular carriage when he wanted to go in the drivers part. As I said no, he started to scream .. (he cannot talk) perhaps 3 really loud pitched screams. The driver swung round and laid into him then added that he could not ride the train unless he was quiet. Well shouting at him is a red rag to a bull, so he started to scream again .. I was mortified (how can you stop a child screaming) and got off the train (leaving my confused older child behind) and tried to calm him down ... of course he screamed more thinking he could not go in the train at all. The driver let off another load of shouting and ended up with "is he always like this?" so I responded that he is not always easy as he has learning difficulties. He responded that he was obviously psychologically disturbed, it was clear from his behaviour. Luckily, he calmed down quickly and the driver let us back on - good job as we would have missed our boat connection otherwise ...

Just to put it into context - in total he screamed maybe 10 times albiet very high pitched and loud. And that was the only screaming he has done all day - so it is not like he is constantly at it.

Its so hard to know what to do. I know people don't enjoy screaming children - I know I don't - and I hate the idea of upsetting other people's pleasure or enjoyment but on the other hand, he is a human being too and deserves a trip in the mountains as much as the next.

I hate to think the solution is just not to go out and do these things and hide at home .... but how I'm feeling at the moment, it would definitely be the easier option.

As far as I can see, that driver is a bit "psychologically disturbed". I mean, to react in such a way in regard to what are problems with children often.
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Old 09.08.2011, 23:50
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Re: People shouting at my child ...

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Oh yes. Non specific pervasive developmental disorder. Bit of a mouthful so I generally just refer to learning difficulties. It manifests itself mainly in his inability to speak much .. in many many areas, he seems, and is, perfectly normal - and whilst his behaviour can be difficult, to be honest, it is nothing that I have not witnessed before, either in scale or intensity, in other quite normal children. I guess it just hurts that bit more when you know that there are really good reasons for why he sometimes does what he does.

It would clearly also help if I stopped being so sensitive about it ...
Don't stop- it's what gives you the strength to stand up for him until he is old enough to do it for himself. He's still a little one who needs him mum to fight his corner. Be sensitive by all means but try to turn it into something that will bloody put people in their place when they have a go at him.
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  #32  
Old 09.08.2011, 23:55
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Re: People shouting at my child ...

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Ignore it....don't let it affect you. But the next time give the driver a piece of mind...i.e scream at the driver. One can not predict the behavior of Children. The swiss have to learn tolerance....
"The Swiss" ?

Does this angry driver represent "the Swiss" ?

Are all drivers elsewhere in the world tolerant ?
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  #33  
Old 10.08.2011, 00:04
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Re: People shouting at my child ...

Just imagine you have been transported back 150 years when steam trains were the mode of transport and children were seen but not heard, and the driver was finishing his apprenticeship....

Sympathies to you. Life ain't easy with a difficult child. But look on the bright side: the driver did relent and let you travel, so maybe he has learnt from this experience.

Quote: Luckily, he calmed down quickly and the driver let us back on - good job as we would have missed our boat connection otherwise ...
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Old 10.08.2011, 00:07
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Re: People shouting at my child ...

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Just imagine you have been transported back 150 years when steam trains were the mode of transport and children were seen but not heard, and the driver was finishing his apprenticeship....
If only it had been a steam engine .. as it would certainly have drowned out his cries
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Old 10.08.2011, 00:17
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Re: People shouting at my child ...

I am sorry that the driver was so rude to you. I hope you feel a OK now.

Personally I would not tolerate this... You kid is only 3 -- at this age all children scream sometimes, disorder or no disorder. The driver has no right to shout at your child, he shouldn't even talk to your child directly but talk to you instead if he needed something. And he certainly shouldn't tell you that he cannot work in the presence of a screaming child. Instead of getting off the train you should have told him to get another job...
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Old 10.08.2011, 02:20
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Re: People shouting at my child ...

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I am sorry that the driver was so rude to you. I hope you feel a OK now.

Personally I would not tolerate this... You kid is only 3 -- at this age all children scream sometimes, disorder or no disorder. The driver has no right to shout at your child, he shouldn't even talk to your child directly but talk to you instead if he needed something. And he certainly shouldn't tell you that he cannot work in the presence of a screaming child. Instead of getting off the train you should have told him to get another job...
Now, I think we have to be realistic. We all can tell the OP what she should and could have done and said. BUT, who would have expected this extreme reaction of that grumpy driver ?

Remains however the question what the driver really said ? He possibly demanded that the wife with her crying child went into another compartment. I don't know, but .....
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Old 10.08.2011, 02:27
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Re: People shouting at my child ...

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Now, I think we have to be realistic. We all can tell the OP what she should and could have done and said. BUT, who would have expected this extreme reaction of that grumpy driver ?

Remains however the question what the driver really said ? He possibly demanded that the wife with her crying child went into another compartment. I don't know, but .....
No I'm afraid he did not. He told me that we could not ride the train if the child still screamed. My German is quite good, and my other son was with me, and he is bilingual. Plus the driver finger-jabbed and gestured, meaning that no language was really required ...
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Old 10.08.2011, 03:26
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Re: People shouting at my child ...

Sod the driver, some adults have character problems and start shouting and screaming and jabbing fingers when they don't understand a situation. Maybe he was having a bad day.

But what a wonderfully understanding mum you are! Many of us could not deal with the real children we have in such a patient manner, let alone an adult driver having a tantrum.

This is my reaction when kids scream for a while:

1. I often carry small toys or something that might amuse them- try it while smiling at carer, sometimes it distracts them.

2. If it doesn't work and the carer doesn't want any help or interference, mind my own business, they have enough to deal with.

We all tense up when we gear kids scream, but all kids scream sometimes- I love kids, I don't want to live in a society where they hide kids away.

Last edited by hoppy; 10.08.2011 at 03:43.
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Old 10.08.2011, 07:42
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Sod the driver, some adults have character problems and start shouting and screaming and jabbing fingers when they don't understand a situation. Maybe he was having a bad day.

But what a wonderfully understanding mum you are! Many of us could not deal with the real children we have in such a patient manner, let alone an adult driver having a tantrum.

This is my reaction when kids scream for a while:

1. I often carry small toys or something that might amuse them- try it while smiling at carer, sometimes it distracts them.

2. If it doesn't work and the carer doesn't want any help or interference, mind my own business, they have enough to deal with.

We all tense up when we gear kids scream, but all kids scream sometimes- I love kids, I don't want to live in a society where they hide kids away.
If you get a child in a full blown tantrum, you are likely to get any of the "amusing little toys" turning into a missile and bouncing of your skull. Been there, got the t-shirt.
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  #40  
Old 10.08.2011, 08:11
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Re: People shouting at my child ...

Oh ecb, I'm sorry you had such a rough day

There really is nothing worse than that feeling of embarrassment and feeling unable to calm the situation down. On a recent trip back to the UK my darling angel decided to kick off a full blown tantrum in the terminal at Euroairport. Everybody was staring at me, especially when I called "time out" on her and sat her in a corner to scream it out for two minutes

A lot of tutting and head shaking from other commuters but I kept my head held high and followed through with the time out steps. It's the only way to get my little one to behave sometimes and normally just the threat of time out stops her misbehaving. Other times.....well, the passengers of the flight to LGW can tell you what happens
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