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Old 09.08.2011, 20:47
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People shouting at my child ...

Not really sure this is a complaint but just wanted to offload as I'm feeling pretty upset at the moment ...

My 3 and a half year old boy has developmental delays which affect particulary his speech. Today we were out in the mountains and were about to go into a funicular carriage when he wanted to go in the drivers part. As I said no, he started to scream .. (he cannot talk) perhaps 3 really loud pitched screams. The driver swung round and laid into him then added that he could not ride the train unless he was quiet. Well shouting at him is a red rag to a bull, so he started to scream again .. I was mortified (how can you stop a child screaming) and got off the train (leaving my confused older child behind) and tried to calm him down ... of course he screamed more thinking he could not go in the train at all. The driver let off another load of shouting and ended up with "is he always like this?" so I responded that he is not always easy as he has learning difficulties. He responded that he was obviously psychologically disturbed, it was clear from his behaviour. Luckily, he calmed down quickly and the driver let us back on - good job as we would have missed our boat connection otherwise ...

Just to put it into context - in total he screamed maybe 10 times albiet very high pitched and loud. And that was the only screaming he has done all day - so it is not like he is constantly at it.

Its so hard to know what to do. I know people don't enjoy screaming children - I know I don't - and I hate the idea of upsetting other people's pleasure or enjoyment but on the other hand, he is a human being too and deserves a trip in the mountains as much as the next.

I hate to think the solution is just not to go out and do these things and hide at home .... but how I'm feeling at the moment, it would definitely be the easier option.
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Old 09.08.2011, 20:50
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Re: People shouting at my child ...

WTF? Oh my god ecb I am so sorry you guys had to go through all of that.
I relaly feel for you, it was so insensitive and plain rude of that man to talk to you and little ecb like that. I am fuming now...
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Old 09.08.2011, 20:50
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Re: People shouting at my child ...

You should write to them detailing the incident and very calmly suggest that they include training on how to deal with passengers with disabilities because you felt the driver was particularly insensitive towards your son.

Bloody appalling behaviour from the driver.
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Old 09.08.2011, 20:53
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Re: People shouting at my child ...

Well, I'd be the first to admit that I don't like screaming children - but kids cry, fact of life - and as most people have had kids or had siblings you just accept that this can happen sometimes.
Don't let it stop you going out - believe you me - most people have a great deal of sympathy for poor mums who are frantic and stressed when a child cries and cannot stop..
Take your son out and have happy times out..........
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Old 09.08.2011, 20:55
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Re: People shouting at my child ...

Ignore it....don't let it affect you. But the next time give the driver a piece of mind...i.e scream at the driver. One can not predict the behavior of Children. The swiss have to learn tolerance....
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Old 09.08.2011, 21:00
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Re: People shouting at my child ...

I totally support Sandgrounder's recommendation.

I'm so sorry to hear this story! I can't believe how moron it was from him. I am sorry if I sound rude, but sometimes some people should do their job they are paid for and learn to shut their mouth.

Your poor boy must be quite shaky! I can only imagine how he must felt to have a grown up stranger shouting at him and his mother. And it is not because he can't talk that he can't understand. It is wrong in sooooo many level to talk about him the way he did.

You should complain.

Hugs and kisses.
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Old 09.08.2011, 21:25
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Re: People shouting at my child ...

Well, the way I see it, a child's scream is genetically designed to cut right to the core, right to the bone marrow. It's their only defense/offense, so when they let fly, it obviously cuts everybody in earshot to the core. Some react like they just got stabbed, which, in a sense, they did.

The most important thing of all is your state in such an incident, as your child is more attuned to you than anything else. It is your reaction to your child's behavior, no matter how deeply hidden, that is going to reflect in your child's further behavior.

If your inner feeling towards your child remains loving and stable, that is going to have a major affect on him, as well as the situation. Sure, the driver reacted inappropriately, however a counter-reaction is not going to make anything better. Essentially, I think you handled the situation well. The driver most likely felt a little bit ashamed for his reaction, whether he showed it or not.

My feeling is to simply stay with your child in your heart and don't hesitate to do any of the things you want to, but at the same time don't be surprised at how people react to a pin prick, as for some who are unstable themselves, it will be a spear, while for the stable people it will be simply a child's natural expression and part of every day life.
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Old 09.08.2011, 21:25
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Re: People shouting at my child ...

Sorry this happened to you .

Personally, I just ignore them.

Weird thing happened today:
When I left Migros this afternoon, one of the employees was in the lift with me. My one year old son almost pushed the alarm button. The employee said "nein" (no) very angrily and continued to tell me that it's the alarm button. I just ignored him and looked at my son and kissed his hand (my son's hand that is ). Weird thing is, as I got out of the lift, the employee said "schoene abend" (have a nice evening). He said it really sincerely.. Weird huh? I replied "gliechfalls" (same to you).

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Old 09.08.2011, 21:36
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Re: People shouting at my child ...

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You should write to them detailing the incident and very calmly suggest that they include training on how to deal with passengers with disabilities because you felt the driver was particularly insensitive towards your son.

Bloody appalling behaviour from the driver.
This, right here. x100
The title is a bit deceptive though. It makes it sounds like everyone does it, or a lot. I hope just that one guy.
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Old 09.08.2011, 21:41
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Re: People shouting at my child ...

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Personally, I just ignore them.

Weird thing happened today:
When I left Migros this afternoon, one of the employees was in the lift with me. My one year old son almost pushed the alarm button. The employee said "nein" (no) very angrily and continued to tell me that it's the alarm button. I just ignored him and looked at my son and kissed his hand (my son's hand that is ). Weird thing is, as I got out of the lift, the employee said "schoene abend" (have a nice evening). He said it really sincerely.. Weird huh? I replied "gliechfalls" (same to you).
I don't see this as being a weird thing at all. I would probably react the same way if I thought the lift alarm was about to be rung. Aiaiaia! The "nein" was probably the automatic reaction Explaining the reason for it, to you, actually sounds like a polite explanation for the "nein." Rather than ignoring him, a smile, or a laughing "Yes, I know, that was close," may have been an alternative response.
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Old 09.08.2011, 21:52
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Re: People shouting at my child ...

I'm sorry this happened to you and your son . Go about your life as normal. Your son still deserves to experience the world in spite of his disabilities.
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Old 09.08.2011, 21:55
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Re: People shouting at my child ...

also take into consideration the language tones some of you might not be used to. German, and Dutch, and all Eastern European languages imo sound horrible if you dont really know what they are saying. my gf for example thought at one point I was yelling at my mother over the phone, while in fact we were having a normal , pleasant conversation.

In English you dont really have that I find....
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Old 09.08.2011, 21:59
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Re: People shouting at my child ...

Switzerland is a wonderful country but after 20 years I still havent gotten used to the way they treat children.
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Old 09.08.2011, 22:00
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Re: People shouting at my child ...

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also take into consideration the language tones some of you might not be used to. German, and Dutch, and all Eastern European languages imo sound horrible if you dont really know what they are saying. my gf for example thought at one point I was yelling at my mother over the phone, while in fact we were having a normal , pleasant conversation.

In English you dont really have that I find....
I totally agree with you.. To me Italians sound like they're always moaning at each other (I'm allowed to say that as I have some of that crazy blood in my veins )

However, in a situation where you can physically see the person, it's easier to tell their intent.
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Old 09.08.2011, 22:02
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Re: People shouting at my child ...

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Switzerland is a wonderful country but after 20 years I still havent gotten used to the way they treat children.
It's not all the Swiss. I have had countless lovely experiences with the locals ogling over my two little ones. I have also had experiences where they show sympathy to me and my little ones when they are upset and/or screaming.
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Old 09.08.2011, 22:07
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Re: People shouting at my child ...

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also take into consideration the language tones some of you might not be used to. German, and Dutch, and all Eastern European languages imo sound horrible if you dont really know what they are saying. my gf for example thought at one point I was yelling at my mother over the phone, while in fact we were having a normal , pleasant conversation.

In English you dont really have that I find....
Well, I know 2 dialects in Chinese that attracted this saying:

"One dialect sounded quarrelsome when they are actually being romantic, another dialect sounded like they are making out is actually in a heated argument!"
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Old 09.08.2011, 22:19
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Re: People shouting at my child ...

I recently saw a Turkish man with two small children on a bus. The younger child was still in a pram and screaming at the top of his lungs, while the 2-year-old one was up to some mischief, running around and climbing the empty seats. The poor man looked helpless and it seemed that he’d completely lost control of the situation. He was also carrying two heavy bags of shopping.
The people on the bus, which was pretty full, were sympathetic towards the man. I tried to distract the older child and he calmed down a bit. My point is that nobody on that bus expressed any annoyance at the incident. On the contrary, people (especially women) smiled at the man, showing him their support.
One angry driver with some personal issues does not represent the whole population. I do not have the impression that Switzerland is child-unfriendly.
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Old 09.08.2011, 22:21
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Re: People shouting at my child ...

I really feel for you. I also have a son who can be difficult to deal with - he is now 7 years old. My son has ADHD!

I will be totally honest with you one of the hardest things I found dealing with my son is the guilt of how I may have reacted had a child behaved the way my son sometime can behave when my daughter was the same age! I remember a little boy in my daughters reception class who now I look back quite obviously had some learning difficulties but at the time I only remember thinking that he was badly behaved and that the parents need to take control of him - very ignorant, I know but I didn't know any different. I only had these thoughts and I really do not think (or hope) I ever let the mother know of those thoughts but I certainly know that other mothers did and probably made this mothers life at school a misery! I often think about this lady now and only have admiration for how she held her head up high and carried on as if nothing happened! Of course she did - she loves her child. Only now can I relate to how she may of felt as I now have a difficult son and I often wonder if other parents think I need to take control!

My father who is very old school often mentions about the children who run around the supermarkets screaming and shouting and once he was telling me that he stopped a lady and asked her if she thought it was right that "screaming and running children" were included in the price he paid for his shopping! I was so angry with him and said he had no right to say that and had he thought to ask her "if her husband was away serving for his country" or "had she had a death in the family" or "did he have a family member who was seriuosly ill" or "was her husband having an affair". It is so easy judge people but if only some people took the time to think about what situation they may or may not be in things would be so much easier for those who feel like they have the world on their shoulders already!

Enjoy your time with your son, only you can judge what is acceptable behaviour for him after taking into account his situation. There are no excuses for the way your were treated but I am sure the driver was just as ignorant as I was once! I just hope I didn't make someone feel the way you were made to feel! I hope you enjoy this poem!

I stand alone in the playground
No one talks to me
I see the looks, and hear their whispers;
She’s the mother of the ‘little beast’

The boy who can’t sit still in the classroom
The one that fools around
The child who torments others
And throws himself to the ground.

She must be a useless parent
No control or restraint
We’ll go and see the headmistress
And make a formal complaint.

We want the ‘looney’ expelled
You know the one we mean
The boy who runs around the playground
As if driven by a machine.

Who sends the other children flying
Cuts and bruises everywhere
Get rid of the little menace
How you do it, we don’t care.

The ‘brat’ whose been banned at lunchtime
The boy who has no friends
The boy whose never invited to parties
And Christmas cards – not one was sent.

The child who cries because he’s a loner
Through no choice of his own
Who struggles in the classroom
And is made to sit alone.

The boy who lags behind
As hard as he may try
Who at the age of seven
Can barely read and write

And so I continue to stand alone
No one talks to me
The mother of a little boy
Who’s been diagnosed with learning difficulties.

He taught me how to live from moment to moment
He taught me how to be accepting and not to judge
He taught me how to love and to trust
He taught me how to laugh instead of cry

Others will never get the chance to love him as I do
I am grateful that I was the chosen one
Not everyone could do it and for that, I feel special
So thank you for choosing me as his mother and not just anyone.
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Old 09.08.2011, 22:33
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Re: People shouting at my child ...

Thank you all for your really supportive posts. I'm on my own at the moment (husband back home) so I far better to share with you then sit here getting even more worked up.

As you've probably guessed from the title, it isn't the first time someone has commented to me on my child's behaviours and I'm sure it won't be the last ... indeed, on my way back up to the apartment this evening, we stopped at the village shop and younger son started to whine (really, just whine .. like any other tired pre-schooler would) and immediately the owner says "that noise goes outside .." Coming on top of the train driver, it wasn't so good ...

Anthony 1406 you make a good point which I try to remember ... things said "normally" in Swiss German often do sound more abrupt and rude than they actually are .. perhaps the shopowner was only trying to assist me in quietening him down .. (btw - he doesn't have a reputation of bad behaviour in this shop - I very rarely go in there)

Sandgrounder - thanks for the suggestion - I wondered about writing to the railway too, but then it is not as if my son has a big hand pointing to him saying "developmental delays" - and in many respects he is quite normal, but I often wonder if it were more obvious that he had problems, if people would react the same way.

And J_T - you put your finger on a rather sensitive issue for me .. I do try to hush him up or tell him off and I know this will actually only make it worse but when I feel everyone staring at me I just feel I have to do something ... when I stay calm, he stays much calmer too. But its really hard when I feel people are staring at me wondering why I let my son scream at me ...

And Mrs HunkeyDorey - thank you. Parenting my second child has been, and still is, a steep learning curve. It involves not only a lot of guilt about how I responded to/thought of other children, but also a lot of guilt about how I feel about my child now - who can be so loving yet such a challenge.


Anyway, thank you all of you for letting me moan.
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Old 09.08.2011, 22:33
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Re: People shouting at my child ...

From the way you described it, I don't think it was meant in a bad way. It sounds like the "schoene abend" was the apology part.

Cheers,
Nick

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Sorry this happened to you .

Personally, I just ignore them.

Weird thing happened today:
When I left Migros this afternoon, one of the employees was in the lift with me. My one year old son almost pushed the alarm button. The employee said "nein" (no) very angrily and continued to tell me that it's the alarm button. I just ignored him and looked at my son and kissed his hand (my son's hand that is ). Weird thing is, as I got out of the lift, the employee said "schoene abend" (have a nice evening). He said it really sincerely.. Weird huh? I replied "gliechfalls" (same to you).

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