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  #21  
Old 29.08.2011, 15:38
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Re: Am I too sensitive?

Could it be that these friends feels jealous of, or slightly abandoned by, you?

Some of my friends (and family) are very standoffish about my living in CH. They don't want to talk, hear about, or know anything about my life here. I've never in my life fought with my sister, and now she stopped talking to me for a week because she's mad about my being here and not there.

Then I return, relieved to be back with my friends in Vaud, only to find that some are annoyed because I was "on holiday" all summer in America.

Otherwise, I'm totally psyched to be here. I'm just trying to learn to be extra delicate and generous with those around me who aren't necessarily enjoying my comings and goings.
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  #22  
Old 29.08.2011, 15:40
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Re: Am I too sensitive?

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I just need to get this of my chest.

3 of my individual friends met through me. We got together , the 4 of us, 2x before I left for Switzerland.

Of course it is not their fault that I left, and it is a free world after all but it really really hurts me seeing them on facebook, having fun conversations on where their next outing will take them, some posts even having 55 responses but in the meanwhile 2 of them don't even respond to my facebook posts.

I know , it is childish, I am a grown up and should not be jealous but still, it hurts...
Simplify your life and either
a) get rid of face book

or

b) create rules that allow you to only add friends who you have known for 10+ years.

I dont have a face book and I cant say it hurts me in any way. If people want to get a hold of Zuger they can call him....



They are clearly busy with life so you should get busy with it as well, and dont take it personal.
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  #23  
Old 29.08.2011, 15:42
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Re: Am I too sensitive?

It's the way of the world. You've moved away and they've moved on.

Turn it around in your head and be proud that you've brought people together and made a difference in their lives. That's something to be proud of.

And schedule a trip back to Switzerland if you can. That will bring you back into their thoughts and conversations.
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Old 29.08.2011, 15:46
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Re: Am I too sensitive?

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It's the way of the world. You've moved away and they've moved on.

Turn it around in your head and be proud that you've brought people together and made a difference in their lives. That's something to be proud of.

And schedule a trip back to Switzerland if you can. That will bring you back into their thoughts and conversations.
True, their lives didn't change and goes on, mine did change and needs to find it's way again... I was just back for a 5 day stay and will again in october...

Probably it's just because I wish I was there so that they could lift my spirits this week and distract me and therefor it hurts feeling left out.
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Old 29.08.2011, 15:47
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Re: Am I too sensitive?

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I just need to get this of my chest.

3 of my individual friends met through me. We got together , the 4 of us, 2x before I left for Switzerland.

Of course it is not their fault that I left, and it is a free world after all but it really really hurts me seeing them on facebook, having fun conversations on where their next outing will take them, some posts even having 55 responses but in the meanwhile 2 of them don't even respond to my facebook posts.

I know , it is childish, I am a grown up and should not be jealous but still, it hurts...
Is it possible you're mourning your previous life?
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Old 29.08.2011, 15:50
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Re: Am I too sensitive?

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Is it possible you're mourning your previous life?
I think I didn't have "time" to mourn my Mum, she passed away 10 days after being diagnosed....By the time I landed back on earth the job offer of Switzerland came.......Maybe it is okay for me to just cry and mourn, need to get it out of my system somehow....
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Old 29.08.2011, 15:58
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Re: Am I too sensitive?

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.......Maybe it is okay for me to just cry and mourn, need to get it out of my system somehow....
Grief is a healing process. Let yourself mourn for awhile. Only then will you be able to move on.

For all the good things love can bring when it is alive and shared, grief is the one thing it brings when it's no longer there. But real love, being it for a family member, friend or lover, is worth it.

Last edited by olygirl; 29.08.2011 at 19:13.
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Old 29.08.2011, 15:59
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Re: Am I too sensitive?

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...and that's why, men still rule the world.
...and look at the mess they make of it.

Seriously, losing a mother or losing contact with a group of old friends hurts. Some people seem to feel it more than others but for each individual it is something to be coped with/suffered in his/her own way. My parents died ages ago, but it doesn't mean that I don't miss them sometimes and the loss still hurts when a particular memory recalls a happy or a sad situation which we went through together.

Give yourself time to grieve. Afterwards you can look up again and look for new challenges, new experiences and new friends.
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  #29  
Old 29.08.2011, 16:08
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Re: Am I too sensitive?

You should sue Zuckerberg for this confusion... :P
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Old 29.08.2011, 16:08
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Re: Am I too sensitive?

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I think I didn't have "time" to mourn my Mum, she passed away 10 days after being diagnosed....By the time I landed back on earth the job offer of Switzerland came.......Maybe it is okay for me to just cry and mourn, need to get it out of my system somehow....
Yes. If you've not done this already then it's definitely a good idea to do so.

I'm a pretty strong character and when my father died I was so full of rage, anger and resentment (won't go into the specifics why), I literally fought with myself to keep my emotions in check in front of family and friends and thought I was fine...

Then one day, one of my dear nieces who was just 2 years old at the time, said something in all innocence that opened the floodgates and I cried non-stop for a whole day and most of the night thereafter. There was nothing anyone could do to console me and I just had to let the tears flow and flow and flow...

I tell you it was such a cathartic experience letting my emotions go and going with that flow and I felt so much better afterwards. Even now, some 11 years on, I realize that was a much needed turning point in coming to terms with my grief and I'm ever thankful for it.

Hope that helps.
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Old 29.08.2011, 16:35
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Re: Am I too sensitive?

I'm very sorry for your loss.


For me, I usually have a hard time with my siblings more than my friends as I grew up in a transient life which involved moving (and so, making new friends) about every 3 years. My friends are good, some have turned out to be "life long" but I'm not one to be upset about what friends "back home" are doing without me.

Friends "here" who do stuff without me bugs a bit, but I try to get over it quickly and not let it ruin the potential for more meaningful friendships.


On the other hand, my siblings. Ahh, we grew up doing "everything" together, making all those moves, many of which involved adjusting to a new culture (whether within the US or international) so we are quite close. It wasn't so bad when we ALL lived apart from each other, I was happy for each when they got to visit each other. Now though, my two brothers live near each other and I get a little jealous of the day-to-day and spur of the moment things they get to do together.


Don't worry too much about feeling sensitive, as others have said, this is a normal feeling anyhow but especially right now because of your loss.
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  #32  
Old 29.08.2011, 18:16
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Re: Am I too sensitive?

Thank you all for your tips, comments, validation (of my mourning, feelings and being to sensitive )

Time to open that bottle of Chablis....OH is on his way home, he never is so early so very much appreciated...I will make comfort food and just go with the flow....
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  #33  
Old 29.08.2011, 18:24
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Re: Am I too sensitive?

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Yes...probably I am.....Though week with my mom's Birthday coming up , she past 10 months ago...

So I will just hide indoors this week, feeling sorry for myself and next week will pick myself up again.
People here will cheer you up.

I think, get of FB for a while. If folks there ignore you, just don't hang onto your past life, rather focus on all the fun you can have here. If a friend you met in real life and in person would ignore you while you pay attention to her/him, I don't think you would persist, either. If you are lonely here, time to organize some meet ups, coffee afternoon, potlucks, etc etc. It's normal you miss those you have invested in, but distance and out of sight out of mind often tests real friendships. You can have new ones exciting ones, here too...

Sorry about your mom...I can imagine it is never easy.
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  #34  
Old 29.08.2011, 18:26
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Re: Am I too sensitive?

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actually, they may not have even seen your posts. facebook uses an algorithm that selective hides posts based on what it thinks is most relevant to you.
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I wrote on their wall
But you live far away, so you are not that relevant... do you see just how smart this algorithm is?

P.S: Why don't you get some new friends here instead of stalking old friends chats on how much fun the party was...?
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  #35  
Old 29.08.2011, 18:33
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Re: Am I too sensitive?

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Yes...probably I am.....Though week with my mom's Birthday coming up , she past 10 months ago...

Condolences on your loss.

Unfortunately other people do not always take a note of a death anniversary. Some people feel awkward and dont know what to say.

A lady I worked with, explained to me, people she knew crossed the street rather than speaking to her, after her parent died & that went on for a long time.

Happly & Loving thoughts to your mother and you, tears have their magic

All Good Wishes & Thoughts
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Old 29.08.2011, 18:34
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Re: Am I too sensitive?

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Good job I'm immune then eh?!

Especially after posting on your FB wall and being ignored. Hehe!
i blame the facebook post-hiding algorithm
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  #37  
Old 29.08.2011, 19:58
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Re: Am I too sensitive?

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Yes...probably I am.....Though week with my mom's Birthday coming up , she past 10 months ago...

So I will just hide indoors this week, feeling sorry for myself and next week will pick myself up again.
No you wont. You will get out of the house and meet all those people who will make great friends so you can add FB comments and you wont feel left out!
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  #38  
Old 29.08.2011, 22:49
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Re: Am I too sensitive?

Those we love do not die until they have been forgotten.

And though what is left is but a summation of memories, you won't forget and as long as you think of your mom, she'll live within your heart.

Don't hide indoors, perhaps tis better to share instead with who ever you feel comfortable with ? Not when you are asked, but when you have one of those strange moments just out of the blue.

Perhaps speaking of your mom well help you find peace of heart?
And help you find the words, when words must be found to comfort others.

Love, but try and let go for you are part of tomorrow and the living.

If you have difficulty imagining what she would have wanted for you, think perhaps of what you would like for your little ones. We never want our children to fret about us.. and our parents think or thought the same.

Your friends are still your friends, you haven't lost them. They're just at a different stage in life than you are. You'll meet and share and enjoy again when one or all catch up.
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  #39  
Old 29.08.2011, 23:12
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Re: Am I too sensitive?

Thank you Sky....
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  #40  
Old 29.08.2011, 23:21
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Re: Am I too sensitive?

If you are as caring, loving and warm-hearted as you come across from your posts, you will certainly attract wonderful people into your life or maybe your old friends will be drawn to you again.

Only in the agony of parting do we look into the depths of love. (George Eliot)
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