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  #41  
Old 29.08.2011, 22:32
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Re: Am I too sensitive?

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If you are as caring, loving and warm-hearted as you come across from your posts, you will certainly attract wonderful people into your life or maybe your old friends will be drawn to you again.

Only in the agony of parting do we look into the depths of love. (George Eliot)
Thanks, beautiful quote, I will remember that one!
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  #42  
Old 30.08.2011, 01:48
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Re: Am I too sensitive?

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I just need to get this of my chest.

3 of my individual friends met through me. We got together , the 4 of us, 2x before I left for Switzerland.

Of course it is not their fault that I left, and it is a free world after all but it really really hurts me seeing them on facebook, having fun conversations on where their next outing will take them, some posts even having 55 responses but in the meanwhile 2 of them don't even respond to my facebook posts.

I know , it is childish, I am a grown up and should not be jealous but still, it hurts...
2 of them do not respond ..... ? Out of bad will ? Or rather because your posts are "from another world" ? Are you sure that your posts have/had any relevance to their lives ?

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Yes...probably I am.....Though week with my mom's Birthday coming up , she past 10 months ago...

So I will just hide indoors this week, feeling sorry for myself and next week will pick myself up again.
I usually celebrate the birthdays of both my brother and mum, inspite of my brother having gone in 1994 and mum in 2008. And as my birthday is just two weeks later than the day of death of my brother, my sister-in-law and me celebrate BOTH days ! Life goes on, and you should carry on. Keep in mind the jokes of the "gones" and imagine what they would have commented ....

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I think I didn't have "time" to mourn my Mum, she passed away 10 days after being diagnosed....By the time I landed back on earth the job offer of Switzerland came.......Maybe it is okay for me to just cry and mourn, need to get it out of my system somehow....
A) you might consider what your mum would have told you are you sure that she wouldn't have said something along the line "don't cry for me Argentina" ? My brother, when he knew that his end was coming before yearend, in May told me NOT to mourn for him and not to cry for him, but to keep his jokes and his ways in mind. But take it that life (for me) has to go on. I freely admit that his death (46 yrs of age) was the worst thing ever for me, BUT yes you have to carry on.
B) 10 days after being diagnosed indeed is THE ultimate nightmare, my condolences indeed. When my mother, aged 90, died, I arranged that the reverend in church read out many jokes and anecdotes of her and her life. When I meet my sister-in-law we often mention things like "K... would have" and laugh about his jokes. Backward looking ? Maybe, but what.

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Last edited by Wollishofener; 30.08.2011 at 02:22.
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  #43  
Old 30.08.2011, 06:34
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Re: Am I too sensitive?

I totally understand your feelings Astrid, my mum also died within a very short time of diagnosis and the shock set deep. I became more sensitive about contact to family and friends, as I felt my tenuous link to my old home became much weaker with out my mum passing on news etc.

I think the friend thing would happen anyway, sad but true. The fact your grieving for your mum will make every disappointment 10 times sharper, we need the friends from our past because the most important link is no longer there.

Allow yourself to grieve love, I cried my eyes out on my 50th birthday because there was no card from my mum and I knew she would have made a big fuss of me if she was here. Mums leave a massive hole, one that no one else can ever fill.

Big hugs. xxx
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  #44  
Old 30.08.2011, 12:21
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Re: Am I too sensitive?

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Mums leave a massive hole, one that no one else can ever fill.

Big hugs. xxx
They do....She just turned 65, ready for enjoying her pension, her grandkids, ready to move with us where ever we would go, she even put her house on the market.....It is a huge hole and you are so right saying you need your friends to keep you informed....
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  #45  
Old 30.08.2011, 14:47
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Re: Am I too sensitive?

(About your friends): Be happy that they met through you. Be happy that they still enjoy each other's company even if you are not there. Then let your expectations of them go. Concentrate on the here and now and try to branch out and make friends whereever you happen to be at the moment.

Probably they will all rally round next time you visit. After all, I have friends who never write, phone or contact me but ALWAYS make time to see me when I go back - even after more than 30 years.
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  #46  
Old 30.08.2011, 15:05
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Re: Am I too sensitive?

Yes and No.
: )

Same situation here, but trying to extend new network here. It is not easy, but at least easier than to catch up their topics.

Another practical way is to ignore facebook or twitter or whatever it is. Just ignore it if it makes you feel bad. Get yourself involved in local life ~~~

Life moves on, people come and go...YOU are the only one responsible for your feelings.
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  #47  
Old 30.08.2011, 16:55
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Re: Am I too sensitive?

Just to clarify a little, it is not that I am not building a life here. Playgroup, tea/coffee dates, tomorrow shopping with also a new mom in town, doing all of that and only been here since the first of july and actually meeting new people since school started 2.5 weeks ago.

Like previously suggested I laid low on FB and have not visited their walls just because I am not that emotionally stable at the moment with Thursday coming up and being able to vent here and all the nice (most of them ) advice/responses on here helped....

I just need to get through these hard 2 months, having to re-live her grand party last year, then my own first Bday without her, my youngest Bday and the day of her parting....Then I can say i survived the first year without her.

I am sure there will be more moments when a bit of jealousy comes around, seeing and hearing of their outings without me but hopefully by that time I will have all my strength and common sense back and will deal with it.....
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  #48  
Old 30.08.2011, 17:37
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Re: Am I too sensitive?

Hi,

I think you should contact the friends that do not give an answer in order to understand their motives, you will be relieved and perhaps they will get to know you better.

Best regards,

Arigato
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  #49  
Old 30.08.2011, 21:47
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Re: Am I too sensitive?

It takes time.. it's nothing you can measure.. it will take the time it has too, and hopefully one day it will hurt less.
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Old 30.08.2011, 22:28
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Re: Am I too sensitive?

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It takes time.. it's nothing you can measure.. it will take the time it has too, and hopefully one day it will hurt less.
It's exactly as @Sky says.

Suddenly, one day - whenever that time comes - you will find that when you think of your Mom it will be with a different feeling to that of the acute sense of loss and pain you are experiencing now. Then you will instinctively know that you've finally come to terms with your grief and gone through the process fully.

In my case, I can only best describe it as a combination happy/sad feeling. Extremely happy and grateful for the cherished memories and moments, whilst at the same time tinged with the sadness that he's no longer around in the physical sense although he lives on always in my heart...

Hugs to you.
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  #51  
Old 31.08.2011, 03:04
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Re: Am I too sensitive?

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They do....She just turned 65, ready for enjoying her pension, her grandkids, ready to move with us where ever we would go, she even put her house on the market.....It is a huge hole and you are so right saying you need your friends to keep you informed....
You have my full understanding and condolences. But let's be clear, even if you know it in late April you nevertheless upheld hope against all odds and are devastated nevertheless when death comes round in September ! Particularily if he told you that the doctor had told him that he would not survive New Year. To say it again, very sad what happened to your mother.

The only advice to you is to keep her and her jokes and her opinions in your mind.
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  #52  
Old 31.08.2011, 05:31
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Re: Am I too sensitive?

Contacting always helps, and try to think how they might be perceiving things. Myself and a lot of my friends have graduated from college/ graduate programs the past few years and have gotten jobs, started families, etc., and it can be hard to keep up with each other not only because of differences in schedules but people do get jealous of others, even their closest friends which can change friendships a bit.
Keep this in mind and just be supportive no matter what of all your friends- afterall you are the one taking a big jump moving to another country and they might envy your bravery. This is normal, and does not make them a bad friend, but reach out to them and tell them that you miss them and that you want to know about the great things they are doing





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Hi,

I think you should contact the friends that do not give an answer in order to understand their motives, you will be relieved and perhaps they will get to know you better.

Best regards,

Arigato
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  #53  
Old 01.09.2011, 11:04
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Re: Am I too sensitive?

First of all, the young expat friendships you create here arent the deepest of friendships. A lot of it is simply based on sharing the "adventure" of living in CH.

I have noticed i sort of loose interest in people when they move back home. Sure, i might drop them a line once in a while but its not like im gonna discuss my next outing with them..

I say you are a bit overly sensitive. Go out and make some new friends and enjoy different, cool and interesting people coming and going in your life!
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