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  #21  
Old 12.09.2011, 23:02
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Re: what do i have to do to make a real friend

This thread is wonderful.

I don't do it so much here (as others already do, so I've made a great circle of friends) but when when I last lived as an expat (in Stuttgart, but that's not important) I arranged weekly dinners out (OK, it was important, as weekly dinners here would bankrupt most people) and also trips out to every single festival in and around the city.

I had many, many people thank me for these as they used it to make friends. So far nothing useful that hasn't already been said. But ... two people acted like they were along just for the ride and that they were already settled in Stuttgart. So people chatted with them but didn't really befriend them, swap mobiles, arrange to meet for drinks/lunch/picnics etc. Turns out those two people were lonely!

So my single tip: Make sure people know you want to make friends. Don't go over needy, but if you stay quiet and shy people may mistake that for you simply not wanting to make friends. And then they'll leave you alone which is the opposite of what you want.

Jump in there. "Hi!" It's two cliched questions but "Where are you from?" and "What brings you here?" are actually good openers.
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  #22  
Old 12.09.2011, 23:29
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Re: what do i have to do to make a real friend

Well shake a leg and get down to the Rappi on Saturday and meet some of us. Worst case scenario you'll have a good time drinking great beer and eating some of Grumpy's finest cheese. Well actually worst case would be you are befriended by us good and proper and your liver never speaks to you again.
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  #23  
Old 13.09.2011, 07:49
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Re: what do i have to do to make a real friend

Well Ive just posted a 1 bedroom flat from 1st Okt. (690fr) second it takes years to make really good friends and even then they can usually be counted on 1 hand.
Make sure you are sending out the right signals that you are interested in making friends, and with all the help you've been offered in 1 day, by writing on here I think you should see how many nice people are out there and lots that are willing to help
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  #24  
Old 13.09.2011, 09:10
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Re: what do i have to do to make a real friend

thank you, that means lot, if you have any particular places to go visit outside zurich or hike to go on, that would help too, i tried searching but have a hard time and since i have no car, i need to be able to find it from the trainstation haha.
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  #25  
Old 13.09.2011, 09:13
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Re: what do i have to do to make a real friend

hi, if you're on Facebook and are interested in hiking/outdoors stuff, there's a group of us under "Zurich Outdoor Nuts" who organize stuff regularly. I believe there is also a Meetup hiking group too.
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Old 13.09.2011, 10:39
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Re: what do i have to do to make a real friend

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hi, if you're on Facebook and are interested in hiking/outdoors stuff, there's a group of us under "Zurich Outdoor Nuts" who organize stuff regularly. I believe there is also a Meetup hiking group too.
I can vouch for that too. A nice bunch of people who really like to enjoy the benefits that the landscape offers in Switzerland. Get signed up today!
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Old 13.09.2011, 10:55
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Re: what do i have to do to make a real friend

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hi, if you're on Facebook and are interested in hiking/outdoors stuff, there's a group of us under "Zurich Outdoor Nuts" who organize stuff regularly. I believe there is also a Meetup hiking group too.
Any chance you could post any of your events on the EF? I am not a fan of Facebook - I have a profile which I use very rarely.
I tried to find "Zurich Outdoor Nuts" on FB but couldn't.
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  #28  
Old 13.09.2011, 11:34
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Re: what do i have to do to make a real friend

There are several excellent suggestions on this thread (I'm going to look into some of them too!), but as someone who has moved across the ocean and back frequently, I know that it takes time to find the TRUE friends. Be patient and keep looking. Be open minded and try not to be frustrated. Good luck.
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  #29  
Old 13.09.2011, 11:39
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Re: what do i have to do to make a real friend

Had the same problem. Was in Swiss Switzerland for 3 years, brooding at home because I didn't find friends and the Swiss ran away from me like salt from acid...

One day I said enough is enough, went to Google, found about a certain yahoo list, which eventually led to a google cached thread from EF, which lead me to join EF, which eventually led me to Thursday nights in the Viadukt, which led to eating all the bagles from other people and spend the whole evening talking about nonsense while sipping beer. It's awesome!

But true friends, the kind that comes to the hospital when you are sick, are difficult to make and takes way more that a couple of weeks to make. But drinking buddies is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
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  #30  
Old 13.09.2011, 11:42
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Re: what do i have to do to make a real friend

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Im feeling very frustrated. Im relatively new to switzerland, im all alone, trying to meet new friends, but it seems those I meet are notTRUE friends, and im left on the weekends very lonely, and sad and on top of it, i need an apartmentin 2 weeks and have been looking for almost 2 months. cant find anything, and im scared. ALONE and nervous and anxious do not mix well




Welcome to Switzerland!!!! Im living here since year and a half and no one friend!!!¨
Is better just accept it.....if happens good....if not just enjoy yourself!!!
Having hobbies is also a good option to know new people!!

Wish you the best!!!!
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  #31  
Old 13.09.2011, 11:44
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Re: what do i have to do to make a real friend

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Wow.

EF at it's finest.
I second that.

To the OP: HTFU!

or join Glocals, another good expat/socialising site.
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  #32  
Old 13.09.2011, 13:01
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Re: what do i have to do to make a real friend

come to those social events !!!!! those organized by EFers are very nice and friendly !!!
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  #33  
Old 13.09.2011, 13:26
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Re: what do i have to do to make a real friend

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led me to Thursday nights in the Viadukt, which led to eating all the bagles from other people and spend the whole evening talking about nonsense while sipping beer. It's awesome!
I am just me!! not people!! but those Thursday evening drinks are really good fun.. Laugh is the best medicine.. That is the aim of the evening. To break the week and forget everything for a few hours to have a few laughs.

Last edited by gourmet; 13.09.2011 at 13:46.
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  #34  
Old 13.09.2011, 14:11
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Re: what do i have to do to make a real friend

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I am just me!! not people!! but those Thursday evening drinks are really good fun.. Laugh is the best medicine.. That is the aim of the evening. To break the week and forget everything for a few hours to have a few laughs.
You see, I stole not only from you, but from Nigel too... But I don't remember his nickname in the forum I'm an evil bagel thief...
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Old 13.09.2011, 14:27
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Re: what do i have to do to make a real friend

I felt the same when I arrived here. To be honest until I had a chil here and met other mums (all English speaking I hate to add) I had no friends and felt very alone. I felt that all the Swiss people I met all had their friends and why would they want to befriend a relatively shy person who couldnt speak the language etc! I set up a book club through here and met a few people but no real "friends". I tried ballet classes, yoga classes but no success at meeting people - no one talked to me and looked at me like a was crazy if I tried to smile at them!! V difficult to start up a conversation in a foreign language as you lack the subtelties that make you less weird! However having said all this I managed to sucessfully "chat up" my husband who I met in a bar and went over and said in german "whats your name?"!! like I say not easy to start up a convo in a foreign language! What Im trying to say is stick with it and try to stay positive. Good luck.
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  #36  
Old 13.09.2011, 14:40
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Re: what do i have to do to make a real friend

Come to the drinks on a Thursday. Strip naked (optional). You'll meet a lot people who'll welcome a friend!

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  #37  
Old 13.09.2011, 16:50
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Re: what do i have to do to make a real friend

Well, I must say enjoy it while it lasts. Once you get married and have kids not only are you never alone, but you will be told who you must be with, when, and what you should do while you're there.
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  #38  
Old 13.09.2011, 19:23
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Re: what do i have to do to make a real friend

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You see, I stole not only from you, but from Nigel too... But I don't remember his nickname in the forum I'm an evil bagel thief...
What are we going to do with you??? I think the best thing is to make you watch us eat roast dinner without participating you can have my Bagel this week BUT this week only, I am not around.. It is not just MY bagel that you are after, is it; you have been eyeing it on sunday...

Some people I met and instantly it is like a house on fire, we are good friends immediately. Sometimes it will take a bit of time for the friendship to development. I have friends around the world, some I never met but only met online; some I not seen for quite a while but only have a few emails/call every year but you know what, if they are your true friends, then distance does not matter. However, if you are really interested to start meeting up with people here and settling in, then start chatting to us by PM if you worried that we are TOO mad for you (mentioning no name), PM us and find out a bit more what we are like.. then come out.

It was professor and helm that give me the "courage" to go to that first drink on that Thursday night. They have been talking about it in the forum and it sound fun; more importantly they sound fun people, so I wanted to meet them.. and boy, fun is not the right word to describe that night!

For every journey, it starts with a single step.

Hope to meet you soon!
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  #39  
Old 14.09.2011, 08:23
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Re: what do i have to do to make a real friend

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Find an apartment first (I know, easier said than done), then you’ll relax, settle down, lighten up and you’ll attract new people into your life.


True friends? You need time to find those, lots of time. For the first few months here I wasn’t open to meeting new people because I was so anxious and uneasy in completely new surroundings. I decided to give myself time. If you had a circle of close friends back at home (I know I did, still do), you will make new friends along the way, but give it time. Or use Chemmie’s offer.


Anyway, if you want to go for a walk or something, I’m there for you.
I do agree with Sagitta- find yourself an apartment first. I know exactly how you feel because that's how I was last year. I don't know anyone here except my husband, can't go anywhere without him because of the german, and couldn't go to dance classes or whatever because of the language barrier. It will pass, believe me. If you are looking for a friend or someone to hang out with, try going to a language course. I met my friends in German class
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Old 14.09.2011, 08:26
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Re: what do i have to do to make a real friend

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Well, I must say enjoy it while it lasts. Once you get married and have kids not only are you never alone, but you will be told who you must be with, when, and what you should do while you're there.
Loving the married life, hey?
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