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Old 12.09.2011, 11:38
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what do i have to do to make a real friend

Im feeling very frustrated. Im relatively new to switzerland, im all alone, trying to meet new friends, but it seems those I meet are notTRUE friends, and im left on the weekends very lonely, and sad and on top of it, i need an apartmentin 2 weeks and have been looking for almost 2 months. cant find anything, and im scared. ALONE and nervous and anxious do not mix well
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Old 12.09.2011, 11:40
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Re: what do i have to do to make a real friend

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Im feeling very frustrated. Im relatively new to switzerland, im all alone, trying to meet new friends, but it seems those I meet are notTRUE friends, and im left on the weekends very lonely, and sad and on top of it, i need an apartmentin 2 weeks and have been looking for almost 2 months. cant find anything, and im scared. ALONE and nervous and anxious do not mix well

What are your hobbies and past times? Although I'm not apparently a great friend, many new lost people have found good close friends through me...Guess I'm just that good of a wingman :P
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Old 12.09.2011, 12:22
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Re: what do i have to do to make a real friend

Find an apartment first (I know, easier said than done), then you’ll relax, settle down, lighten up and you’ll attract new people into your life.


True friends? You need time to find those, lots of time. For the first few months here I wasn’t open to meeting new people because I was so anxious and uneasy in completely new surroundings. I decided to give myself time. If you had a circle of close friends back at home (I know I did, still do), you will make new friends along the way, but give it time. Or use Chemmie’s offer.


Anyway, if you want to go for a walk or something, I’m there for you.
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Old 12.09.2011, 18:33
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Re: what do i have to do to make a real friend

Come on, stay with us a while until you feel better.
It's just the beginning, it won't last, you'll find your way and you will find friends.
Until you feel like you can stand on your own, surf a little on EF in the evenings, join the conversations, say what comes to mind and perhaps you might find a smile or two.
Check out some of the events, and just sign up. Not all of them will be perfect, and some might not be worth while, but there will always be one that will make you forget your worries for a while.


Be well
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Old 12.09.2011, 18:46
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Re: what do i have to do to make a real friend

I don't know where you are from but things are a lot more expensive than what you used to, so you are afraid to go out, right? That is what I thought at the beginning but then i said to myself, this is silly, if i don't go out and talk to people, I will never make friends. So I start going to the Thursday night drink and do a few other outings. This is my life line to settling in.

For a pint of beer that is 8CHF, you can spend a whole evening talking to people from all over the world that speaks English and have different view of the world. You can happy wheel away a few hours and forget all about work and other problems for a little while. The most important thing is that you can start ask question as to like "where do i get..." or "what I do at weekend?" then you get a lot of answers. In turn that will make you feel more settle as you are in the know.

Also there are other things going on in Zurich especially in the Summer, so don't sit in, go for a walk by the lake etc. Fresh air will cheer you up as well. If you like someone to walk with you at weekend or just a coffee.. I am sure I am happy to do so as well as others that is on the forum and you know, all you need to do, is to ask.
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Old 12.09.2011, 19:11
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Re: what do i have to do to make a real friend

For a start you can join us on wednesdays at the "German Conversation Group". There are different people from all around the world. The group is relaxed and welcoming. There is always somebody organizing stuff.
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Old 12.09.2011, 19:21
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Re: what do i have to do to make a real friend

Here is an event for this weekend. There will be quite a few EF members and non-members there.

The final Rappi Bier Ploughmans of 2011

Making more contacts could soon lead to developing friendships.
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Old 12.09.2011, 19:44
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Re: what do i have to do to make a real friend

join facebook, http://www.facebook.com
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Old 12.09.2011, 20:05
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Re: what do i have to do to make a real friend

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Im feeling very frustrated. Im relatively new to switzerland, im all alone, trying to meet new friends, but it seems those I meet are notTRUE friends, and im left on the weekends very lonely, and sad and on top of it, i need an apartmentin 2 weeks and have been looking for almost 2 months. cant find anything, and im scared. ALONE and nervous and anxious do not mix well
Hey, don't feel frustrated...

As someone suggested, the apartment first. I know that moving can be stressful, but I would focus on finding a place, any place, even if it's not your ideal apartment (maybe consider flat sharing), to have a firm foot, and then you can always keep looking for your "dream apartment" later on, but with a roof over your head. I am sure you are already checking the usual websites (homegate, comparis, the EF adverts for property). Do you know you can set up a specific search with restricted criteria on both comparis and homegate and you get an email alert whenever a new apartment is posted that meets your criteria?

In the meantime, there are usually a lot of social events in the calendar that you can check out, some are recurring, some are one-time events. Among my favorites: the German conversation group (every Wednesday), the unofficial drinks at the Viadukt (every Thursday), the Rappi Bier lunch (this Saturday), the A-Z of dining in Zurich (once a month), the absinth and comedy night (approx. once a month).

Do you like sports? Why not joining a class of some sort? Dancing, martial arts, etc. There is a group of EF-ers that regularly plays football on Sunday. What about hiking/climbing? Basher, an EF member and friend, is very passionate about it and usually organizes such types of events.

Do you like movies? There is a Zurich Meetup group you can check out, I have gone a couple of times and met some cool people there. The Xenix cinema this month has a Latin American movie festival, worth checking out if you're into that. Lots of movie options in this country for all languages - I find it awesome that movies are not dubbed. Plus, starting from end of September, there will be the Zurich film festival.

What about art? The Zurich Kunsthaus (art museum) has some cool exhibitions usually, in addition to the permanent collection. Lots of independent art galleries in town that you can just stroll by and check out.
While in Zurich, I suggest you periodically check out this website, which is a goldmine of information on what's going on in the city and surrounding: http://www.zuerich.com/en/Visitor.html Check out the events and excursions sections.

Tired of Zurich? Switzerland is not a big country, it is easy to hop on a train and check out another place even for a day trip (or an overnight stay): Luzern, Bern, Basel, Lugano, Geneva, Lausanne....all a short train ride away and perfectly connected. Tired of the city? Go hiding for a day or two in Graubunden or (personal favorite) the Bernese Oberland. I find that spending time in nature helps me relax, disconnect from the BS, find my balance back and reconnect to the important things in my life.

Do you like markets? Take a stroll at the Helvetiaplatz food market (Tuesday and Friday mornings), the Hauptbanhof market (Wednesday nights), and of course the Viadukt. You don't have to buy anything if you don't want to, but you can always find cool and unusual stuff (and delicious).

Do you play chess and are you shameless? As I fit perfectly in both the above descriptions(), sometimes I go up the Lindenhof in Zurich and watch people play, then ask in very bad German if someone would like to play a game with me. Let me tell you, playing chess on a giant chess board with a Swiss-German-only-speaking elderly man is always an experience, but hey...better than sitting at home staring at my travel chess set, no?

Seriously, friendships take time to develop, but you need to try and leave the sadness/frustration at home and get out there. We don't bite (well, most of the time!)

Cheers and good luck (and apologies for the long message - I just felt like replying because I, like many others, have been there)
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Old 12.09.2011, 20:12
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Re: what do i have to do to make a real friend

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We don't bite (well, most of the time!)
only some of the time, right?
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Old 12.09.2011, 20:12
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Re: what do i have to do to make a real friend

Cheer up - things will get better soon!

Just think positively, it's a powerful tool.

In regards to the apartment situation - I've been there! Something came up in the end and we're settled in now. But I know how you must be feeling, it's not a nice boat to be in, but in the end something will come up if you search hard enough!

Also - you can have my friendship if you want it! I like to think I'm a pretty true friend/ person, so PM me if you like and we can have a chat

You sound like a very trusting person. I'm like that too. It's a hard lesson to learn - not everyone is worthy of that trust.

Cheer up

Take care, sending out lots of good wishes to you!

Sam
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Old 12.09.2011, 20:29
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Re: what do i have to do to make a real friend

I was also at the begining a little sad and lonely, because when i moved to zurich i knew nobody and it is a little scary to go out without knowing where to go, or even how to comunicate to other people.

My best advice would be, sign up for an ef event, the people who organize this things are really awesome, friendly and welcoming, you always feel welcome and a part of the group. For me the firsts times i went to this things i was a little shy but they really made me feel a part of the event and ended up having a great time.

Just go out, and have a few beers with someone from the forum
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Old 12.09.2011, 20:34
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Re: what do i have to do to make a real friend

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Didn't the OP ask how to make real friends?
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Old 12.09.2011, 20:38
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Re: what do i have to do to make a real friend

Don't beat yourself up about things, it takes time to settle and even longer to make real friends. You are doing really well, don't worry, it will all fall into place soon.

Plus you have the friendly folk on this forum to chat with in the meantime.

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Old 12.09.2011, 20:55
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Re: what do i have to do to make a real friend

Don't give yourself pressure I totally understand your feeling and situation. I just arrived in Switzerland 1 month back. First few days, I couldn't stop crying, what I am doing in here? I had a great life before ... I had a great job, I have so many friends etc I gave myself pressure to adjust and made friends quickly. I thought by doing that, I will feel like at home/like before when I was in Sydney. (I am from Sydney btw ) Like everybody said in this thread, you need to give yourself times.

I meet with few people at work but my heart is not in here yet so somehow it's very hard for me to open myself. But I think, it will be better eventually, so we are in the same boat and we will fight together! Honestly, I am still not happy, I keep complaining everyday :P We need to give ourselves times. People said it will take 6 months.

I do sightseeing every weekend to make myself busy. It helps
Unfortunately, I am not in Zurich but if you somehow visit France region, let me know
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Old 12.09.2011, 21:14
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Re: what do i have to do to make a real friend

Accept acquaintances to begin with. Go out with people if they ask (even if normally you'd say no). You'll make lots of acquaintances and amongst those (in time) you'll find and make true friends. Try to enjoy the process, have fun meeting others and don't stress too much over it; it'll just make you come across as desperate and a little scary. It's not easy but as with most things, the more time and effort it takes the more precious.

Oh and check out EF events. You'll meet people who are in the same boat (or have been)
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Old 12.09.2011, 21:30
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Re: what do i have to do to make a real friend

I think it would be great for you to go out! I agree with the others. But in case you feel too anxious and not collected at the moment, it might be better to join a social meet-up and start socialising in this atmosphere.

I'm just a bit worried because your post sounds a bit vulnerable, which can be sensitive (on the internet).This isn't meant as a critique! Everyone feels sometimes lonely! Me too. Just wanted to add this thought of the advantage to approach people, you like to be concerned with and not only wait until someone approaches you. By doing so, you have a better control of whom you like to have as possible future friends. I hope that didn't sound too weired

I'm convinced you will overcome this state, e.g. by discovering the welcoming meet-up's at ef. It just takes some time to make true friends.That's natural. I wish you the best.
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Old 12.09.2011, 21:30
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Re: what do i have to do to make a real friend

Relax. It really takes time for real friendship and with all respect it takes even longer in Switzerland. Just settle down first and things will come well. Sent you a PM.
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Old 12.09.2011, 21:37
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Re: what do i have to do to make a real friend

Wow.

EF at it's finest.
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Old 12.09.2011, 22:44
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Re: what do i have to do to make a real friend

One option I tried, in order to meet Swiss people I didn't work with, was to join a local sport club. Sadly, 80% of the people doing my sport in that club are not Swiss ... happily, they are nice people!
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