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Old 07.07.2016, 16:56
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Weapons of Mass Destruction

For a couple of weeks I have been waging a war with three distinct ant colonies which invaded my balcony completely (small reddish ones and mid-sized black ones) and opened a second front just inside my living room (very small reddish ones--my god were they sending out the child soldiers?). My tactical weapons were of the close range, small-fire type: window cleaner with paper towel; and big toe. The latter was used in sniper-type sorties, targeting individuals crossing the countryside unprotected (messengers?). I hope they weren't conscientious objectors sent out to their doom.

Alas, I was outnumbered and so purchased on the "grey" market (i.e., the one store I could find in Lugano which sold the truly lethal stuff): two cakes of green "mother of all ant killer." In theory the ants are to (1) become attracted to its false food scent; (2) walk on the cake surface and get some of it on themselves; (3) go back to the nest; and (4) die, die, die with all the other soldiers, mothers, queen, and (gulp) children.

It's now two days later and my balcony is eerily quiet, a few corpses, and just the whistle of wind across the travertine. I should be happy, you say. Well, satisfied I guess. But I also feel like I unleashed a terrible weapon of mass destruction. That doesn't feel so good. I'm now gazing at the potted jasmine, remembering how they used to frolic amongst the flowers and all along the bamboo support rods. The memories...

My complaint? They should warn you on the directions for use of these products: "Danger: use only in combination with counseling services (or a stiff gin & tonic)." Lucky that I have at least one of these at hand right now.

- Dr. Memory
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Old 07.07.2016, 17:05
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Re: Weapons of Mass Destruction

Expect a conviction from the international war crimes tribunals.
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Old 07.07.2016, 17:06
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Re: Weapons of Mass Destruction

You know, with ants, you only have to ask them politley to leave. My friend had ants in her bathroom, I told her to ask them politley to leave, and guess what they! Not one single casaulty!!


True story.
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Old 07.07.2016, 17:10
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Re: Weapons of Mass Destruction

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You know, with ants, you only have to ask them politley to leave. My friend had ants in her bathroom, I told her to ask them politley to leave, and guess what they! Not one single casaulty!!


True story.
I believe you! Once a friend of mine gave them homeopathy and it healed them all!!!
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Old 07.07.2016, 17:12
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Re: Weapons of Mass Destruction

Acupuncture might work too but you would need a lot of pins.
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Old 07.07.2016, 17:15
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Re: Weapons of Mass Destruction

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You know, with ants, you only have to ask them politley to leave. My friend had ants in her bathroom, I told her to ask them politley to leave, and guess what they! Not one single casaulty!!.
I think you're confusing ants with hippies.
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Old 07.07.2016, 17:15
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Re: Weapons of Mass Destruction

Don't fret, Dr Memory! I suspect that you won't have to cry over this for long. Even with a Trojan WMD attack on the nests, there will probably be enough escapees to found a new colony and return to entertain you before long.
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Old 07.07.2016, 17:27
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Re: Weapons of Mass Destruction

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You know, with ants, you only have to ask them politley to leave. My friend had ants in her bathroom, I told her to ask them politley to leave, and guess what they! Not one single casaulty!!


True story.
Swissrob,
Are you saying I have to learn antish now? Are there dialects? It boggles the mind...
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Old 07.07.2016, 17:29
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Re: Weapons of Mass Destruction

dodgykeen had ant's in his pants and got rid of them... at least he said they were ants
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Old 07.07.2016, 17:29
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Re: Weapons of Mass Destruction

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Don't fret, Dr Memory! I suspect that you won't have to cry over this for long. Even with a Trojan WMD attack on the nests, there will probably be enough escapees to found a new colony and return to entertain you before long.
Ah, yes. And with vendetta in hand (mandible?). Now, I see how it works. Just like in the simian world. Perhaps we could agree that they just stay on the balcony.
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Old 07.07.2016, 17:37
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Re: Weapons of Mass Destruction

To the winner goes the spoils.
You can now enjoy your balcony free of intruders.
Is the silence deafening you yet, or do you still hear their cries for help...
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Old 07.07.2016, 17:39
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Re: Weapons of Mass Destruction

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I think you're confusing ants with hippies.
As a former hippie I quote one of our music gurus - John Hartford - from his 1971 bluegrass song, "Up on the hill where they do the boogie."

"Some folks say that a hippie won't steal
But I caught three in my corn field
One had a flag and the other had a bomb
And the third ol' boy was a-gettin' on home"

- Dr. M
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Old 07.07.2016, 17:43
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Re: Weapons of Mass Destruction

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To the winner goes the spoils.
You can now enjoy your balcony free of intruders.
Is the silence deafening you yet, or do you still hear their cries for help...
I have a mild-to-moderate case of tinnitus, so when alone and without other acoustic distractions, I mainly hear a high pitched whine nicely seated on a bed of background static noise. Ant cries would never make it through!
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Old 07.07.2016, 17:54
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Re: Weapons of Mass Destruction

Ah but then that would maybe be the white noise you need for your tinnitus?
Get the ants back ! :-)
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Old 07.07.2016, 17:55
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Re: Weapons of Mass Destruction

The're hiiiiiier and we are doomed, doooooomed I tell you...!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bcs3_b3VXSU
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Old 07.07.2016, 17:56
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Re: Weapons of Mass Destruction

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I have a mild-to-moderate case of tinnitus, so when alone and without other acoustic distractions, I mainly hear a high pitched whine nicely seated on a bed of background static noise. Ant cries would never make it through!
Tinnitus has long ago been proven a myth. You have ants living in your middle ear.
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Old 07.07.2016, 17:57
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Re: Weapons of Mass Destruction

Aha, can you please come and get the ants out of my ears then? ;-)
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Old 07.07.2016, 18:00
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Re: Weapons of Mass Destruction

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Aha, can you please come and get the ants out of my ears then? ;-)
Licky lick!
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Old 07.07.2016, 18:06
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Re: Weapons of Mass Destruction

My minds eye just had a visual of Roegner standing in the main office of the Zoo...: "Well Herr Direktor, you see it was like this"
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Old 07.07.2016, 18:09
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Re: Weapons of Mass Destruction

OK, I now have mineral water all over my keyboard :-)
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